Jashin
by The Magnificent It
Summary: Within the naval of the child Uzumaki Naruto, a monster is sealed. A beast of uncomparable power and danger. This monster is not the kyuubi. Say hello to Jashin...
1. Chapter 1

**This idea's been nagging at me and I want to write it. To some, it may not seem as good as persay 'Cutting Strings', but I just wanted to get this off my back. **

**The story is a variation idea that I got that surrounds Naruto (As per usual), but with slight changes. These changes are for you to find out, but I assure you, there nothing from the anime. **

**The first chapter introduces the basic plot, as per usual (All stories), so it may not make any sense what so ever for at least a few chapters. **

**...also, I'm thinkin' NarutoxAnko, or someone of the like, I don't know...**

**READ, OR FACE THE WRATH OF A SUCKY PLOT!**

**P.S. the following is a prolouge, it isn't actually supposed to be good or make sense. You may experience fetigue, drowziness, lack of awesome, and the need to pee. If you experience any of the following symptoms, you may be experiencing boredom, or the need to empty your bladder. In the event that you experience said symptoms, continue to read, or go to the washroom.**

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The night was suffocating, darkness obscured any possible sight. It was only Kakashi's inane training that was keeping him from just closing his eyes to see if they were any brighter.

He shifted unconfortably from one foot to the other. The position he and his squad were in at the moment, hidden in a small trenche, waiting, wasn't very comfortable. Several of the shinobi with him were talking in low, hushed tones, ones that had feared etched in every syllable.

"So, my good friend Kurama actually was part of squad 47, you know, the one that first made contact with this thing." One said. They others simply nodded at this statement. One particularily greenhorn chuunin had particularily wild eyes as he looked back and forth between the three.

"...what do you mean thing? I thought all these attacks were from missing-nin?" The greenhorn said. The others fixed him with a long look, before Kakashi spoke up. "Figures they wouldn't actually tell you why your out here. No, we're not ambushing missingnin." Kakashi said, as the greenhorns eyes widened, and the others chuckled darkly.

"What you were told was just a cover story, we didn't want the villagers panicking. The attacks weren't from missing-nin." Kakashi said solenmly. One of the brasher ninja there decided to pipe up. "Ya, after all, what man rips off anothers head with his bear hands?"

Another spoke up "Or skin you alive?"

Another spoke "Or eat you brain?"

Kakashi cut them off. "No, what we're actually out here for is a different reason. We're here to kill what evers been doing this. Almost the entire shinobi forces are around here, hidden. When the flairs go up, we attack it." Kakashi said.

The greenhorn was now very terrified looking, eyes wild like a scared horses. "B-but wh-what is i-it?" He stuttered out.

"A monster." Was all Kakashi said.

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Two hours later, not a thing had changed. The shinobi behind Kakashi just continued to jaber on and on about what they were supposed to kill, there speech mostly about the insane acts that 'it' had commited.

"Ya, you'll know it when you see it. My friend, Kurama, can't talk anymore, though he's learned a bit of sign language by now. Poor fellow, he's now in perminante shock. The docs say that first chance he'd get, he'd probably kill himself." The unnamed leader said.

"Wow, man, that's brutal. What do you think he saw?" The guy to his left said. The mans response was cold. "The unspeakable my friend, the unspeakable."

Another spoke up. "I heard it's as tall as the hokage monument." He said in an almost awed voice. The guy beside him sneared. "Naw, I heard it's actually a god that fell from the heavens and seeks revenge. That means it can change shape and form." The guy said. The others just looked at him like he was nuts.

But before any speech could continue, a bright flash shot up into the sky, eerily illuminating the forest around them. "This is it, stick close, don't be stupid and retreat when your told and you'll live!" Kakashi said as his squadren took off to the flairs position.

As they neared the epicentre, cries could be heard. Cries of pain, agony and fear, both male and female were the only things that were heard, aside the rustle of leaves and the sound of wind streaking past there ears.

The stopped abruptantly at a clearing. Around them, the bodies of fallen comrades, grotesquely mutilated by 'it' lay astrew. Kakashi forced the bile forming in his stomach back down, as he began to look warily around.

"Stay close, this fights not going to be pretty." Kakashi said to the panicking greenhorn. The chuunin simply nodded as his eyes scanned the area around him.

A loud rustle was head, before out of the bushes ran a ninja. A kunoichi, with dard brown hair, and a scar on her left eye. She was cradling her left arm, which was bleeding badly. She came stumbling towards Kakashi, who was nearest, and began to mumble incoherent words.

"It...there...coming...death." She said, before she collapsed in a heap before him. Kakashi examined her and found she was somehow alive, if in bad shape. But he got very worried when total silence decended upon his squad. Standing up, he saw why.

It was there.

Kakashi was surprised. Despite all the stories, it was actually not all that big. Infact, it was just a bit under his height. It was humanoid, only extremely thin. Features couldn't be made out under the moonlight, but it held the air of menace that no shinobi or warrior on earth could hold.

No one moved as 'it' slowly trudged forwards, crunching could be heard as 'it' walked like any man towards the squad. It stopped several feat from a large patch of them, and simply eyed them, scanning over all of them.

A chuunin spooked. With a loud battle cry, he ran forwards with only training acquired by years of hard work, and drew kunai, preparing to attack 'it'.

In a blur of movement, the shinobi fell. His torso missing a large chunk, he fell to the floor with a splat. This was the trigger that sent Kakashi's men into a frenzy.

Some attacked out of fear, others turned tail and tried to escape. The greenhorn heeded Kakashi's words and stuck close, and for it, he, along with the woman, lived. The rest weren't so lucky.

Blood fell like rain as the death was dealt. Kunai that were thrown carreening towards the figure, were sent flying away by a breif streak of light that contacted with them a metre away from 'it'.

Shinobi were cut down, and torn to shreds by the same entity. Men, women, ninja, were swatted down like flys. There were no survivors as it seemed to attack with speed and strength that rivaled none other.

Then, the moonlight caught on it's form. This drove all there wilder, fear now the only thing apparent in all but the most battle hardened shinobi.

It wasn't human. It was like a mock skeleton, it's upper body a large plate of bony mass attached to a spinal column. It's head was skull like, razor sharp teeth in it's maw. Covering its eyes and most of its head was a blood red bandana. Over its legs were baggy, ripped jeans (Which struck Kakashi as odd), a large skull belt buckle on them.

_"Deeeaaaaattthhhhh." _It hissed out, turning its head this way and that, as though it could see them. Kakashi barely registered the blow to his chest before he was sent skidding across the clearing, dragging the woman with him. He looked as the monster, in midair, seemed to draw a scythe out of no where.

_'Fitting-' _Thought Kakashi _'-I die at the hands of a monster that impersonates death itself.' _ Kakashi closed his eyes, and waited for death.

It never came.

He cracked an eye open and locked eyes with the visage of the blade meer inches from his nose. The monster's face was peering over its shoulder, looking at something unforseen. Then Kakashi heard it.

'...thud...THUD..._THUD...__**THUD!**_...' At the last one, the form of a very infamous toad slammed into the clearing. From atop, a form with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a white coat embroidered with flames at its hem.

Kakashi's sensei, the fourth hokage, Kazama Arashi had arrived.

Shooting along in a run that was far above any shinobi, caring in his arms a bundle, he made his way in a breakneck speeds towards the offending monster.

There was no time to react as 'it' was sent flying away, Arashi's fist held forwards. Kakashi's face was that of astonishment, he was alive. The woman that lay beside him breathed in and out, long laboured breaths hacking out of her lungs.

"Kakashi, are you alright?" He asked over his shoulder. Kakashi felt a little sheepish, but shoved the feelings aside. "Yes, but that thing there is going to have a say in it." Kakashi replied.

The Kazama simply shrugged. "Take this, I will need it very soon." Arashi said as he handed the bundle to Kakashi. Kakashi was surprised to find that the bundle was warm, and moving the blanket away, his eyes widened.

It was a baby. Small, with a small tuft of hair on its scalp. Why had his teacher brought a child to this battlefeild?

"S-sensei?" He asked, words failing him. Arashi just kept looking around, waiting for the monster to appear.

He didn't have to wait long. From above, it descended, and with speed beyond that of a human, swung the scythe it had materialized out of nowhere. Arashi managed to hold it at bay, using skills only the current Hokage could possess. He wasn't a prodigy for nothing.

Gamabunta, the toad that he had traveled in on, watched wiht severe concern. To think, something as small as a human could cause such sheer devistation. If Gamabunta could have, he would have just stepped on the thing, but there were still to many shinobi close by.

Arashi parried a large swing. The thing just didn't let up, it simply continued to attack him, one shot after another. It was time to pull out the big guns. A sharp punch at hits face, and the monster was sent spinning away, landing in a heap on the ground. A few of his braver troops gave a cheer at this.

'it' growled violently, it was not amused. But it didn't register the explosive tag attached to its face until it was to late. The resounding boom that occured caused Arashi's ears to ring for a few moments. Loud cheering resounded as more troops laughed in happiness. It was dead.

Or so they thought.

From the smoking crater, the scythe shot out, spinning like a giant shurikan at breakneck speeds. Arashi stepped back to dodge, the blade coming inches from his nose. As the curved blade swung back like a boomerange towards the crater, a small trickle of blood rolled down the blondes face.

A charred, bony hand reached out quickly and caught the long handle of the blade. 'it' stepped out of the smoke, most of its body burned black. Before all there eyes there, the body of 'it' rejuvinated before them. Black turned back to chalky white, the bandana on its face turned back to its or original color, and the broken teeth grew back. Within seconds 'it' was back to its full potential.

It was totally silent as the rest of the living shinobi registered what had happened. The thing, this unstoppable killing machine, didn't die. It was immortal.

_'Damn!' _Arashi thought. _'I guess...I'll have it use 'it'...' _He thought solemnly. "Oi, Kakashi!" He shouted over his shoulder. Kakashi looked up, not wanting to believe that something capable of such a massacre didn't die.

"Hai!" He responded. "Bring him over here, I need him now." Arashi said. Kakashi looked perplexed, but didn't argue. 'it' still hadn't moved, but it was about to. It looked pissed, if there was any way to tell.

Arashi looked down at the sleeping form in his arms. It was mezmerizing, the soft look the baby had in a blood-soaked battlefield like this was sereal. Handing the child back to Kakashi, he turned back to 'it'.

"Kakashi, I have something to ask of you..." Arashi said solemnly. Kakashi looked up from the sleeping child as 'it' gave a horrendous screech. "Promise me that you'll protect _Naruto-_" Arashi said, indicating to the child.

'It' ran at them at break neck speeds, its scythe raised high, screeching loudly. Arashi began to go through a chain of handseals. "-And one last thing-"

Arashi finished the final seal as 'it' decended upon him. From his chest burst a massive gray hand, covered in seals.

"-Make sure Jasin doesn't escape." Was the last thing Arashi Kazama ever said.

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_/time-skip: twelve years, location: Training feild 42, A.K.A. the forest of death, Konoha/_

Sakura Haruno, and Uchiha Sasuke were both considered fairly capable shinobi, and had both anticipated that the chuunin exam would be simple. A fight here (Sasuke would handle it) and some thinking there (Sakura was more than capable of handling it), and bam, they'd be chuunin in no time. They had thought that if something that neither of them could handle, they're third teammate, Kokuzoku, could handle it.

So it was quite the shocker, when a comrade so close to them, died in the bear hands of a grassnin, not moments ago. It was harder to learn that he had been a spy, sent by the same nin to collect information on Sasuke for some unknown.

The man that had killed Kokuzoku liked to gloat about things.

The insuing fight had been swift, and very painful. Sasuke had managed to keep the disturbing human away from his far weaker teammate, but sadly, he was now at the mans mercy.

"Kukukuku...Sasuke-kun, I'm surprised at you. To think, you actually tried to defeat me." He hissed out. Sasuke cradled his now broken arm, crouched low, attempting to stop the pain. "W-who are you, you bastard?!" He shouted, his sharingan eyes flairing in anger.

The ninja just eyed him, before smirking. "My name...is Orochimaru. You Uchiha Sasuke, will eventually come to seek me for power." The man reached up, and in a display of disgusting power, toar his own face off. Sasuke felt like retching, as underneath lay the pale face of a snake like man.

Orochimaru truly enjoyed the fear on his face as he stalked towards Sasuke. Sasuke just watched in fear as the snake-man bent low to his ear and whispered in it, goose-bumps shooting up Sasuke's back. "After all, you wish to kill _him, _don't you?" He whispered out as Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Now..." Orochimaru trailed off as he locked eyes with Sasuke. Sasuke shivered uncontrollably.

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM YOU BASTARD!" Sakura skreeched as she shot forwards, kunai raised high. Orochimaru simply kicked her sharply in the stomach, causing her to keel over in pain. He chuckled at how weak she was, it was just sad.

He turned back to Sasuke and ran through a quick set of handseals. He shot his hand out and gripped the front of Sasuke's shirt, hard. He picked him up, and opened his maw, revealing twin razor sharp fangs.

But just as Orochimaru's teath almost punctured Sasuke's neck, a loud thud was heard. Orochimary turned around sharply, dropping Sasuke. He was surprised to find instead of some adversary in his way, there a bunch of black clothe, at the end, a tuft of blonde hair.

"OOOOOUUUCCCHHHHH!" The form suddenly stood up violently, gripping its blonde head sharply. "...stupid branches, all slippery, gonna crack my head open!" The voice, high, and slightly annoying spoke up. Orochimaru raised an eyebrow at this. Apparently this person had fallen out of the tree, and was generally disgruntled by it.

The short figure slowly stood, still holding his head as though it was made of priceless china. Orochimaru snickered, this nuisence would be dealt with shortly. With stealth at sannin level, he opened his mouth, and out of it, sprang his tongue, inhumanly long and the end muscle sharp enough to pierce flesh.

The flew towards its target, and Orochimaru almost laughed as the person didn't even move out of the way of the slithering mass of muscle. His want to laugh died as his tongue came with a few inches of the person.

It was like a flash of glinting light streacked straight the offending oral muscle. In a movement not seen to the sannin in years, his tongue was cleaved in two, one chunk flying away. Orochimaru's tongue retracted, and he covered his now bleeding mouth, glaring sharply at the offending person.

The boy cracked his neck. "You know...it isn't polite to try to kill someone unless you know them." The blonde said. He turned around, and Orochimaru was shocked at his appearence. The boy was the classic blonde haired, blue eyed kid. That was the only visable part of him. His face was obscured by a mask of bandages, and a tall collar. On his body, he wore a long black cloak, making him look dark and dangerous.

He hefted up a scythe that had seemed to appear out of nowhere, one that looked far to large for a boy to lift. He placed it lazily on his shoulder, and then fixed the bleeding snake with a cold look.

"Don't mess with me, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'll kick you ass."

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**Ya, I'm probably gonna get a lot of hate mail for writing this. Those that read my other story, will probably be life 'Oh, here he says he was no time to write, and here he goes, writing a whole new story, that is confusing.' Well, actually, I wrote this awhile ago, but I forgot I wrote it. Just remembered it, and decided, hey, why not submit this anyways.**

**The character Jasin (Evil skeleton dude) is actually based on a character I made up myself. For those that don't know, Jasin is the god the character Hidan worships, but my interpretation of it is my own creation. I just came up with this design one day and went from there. Basically this guy is whats sealed in Naruto, instead of Kyuubi. Don't worry though, the fox is still in this story.**

**What Naruto has been up to for the last dozen years will be revealed in a few chapters, though the next one will just be about Naruto kicking the snakes butt.**

**As to Naruto's looks, that's for later.**

**REVIEW, OR I SHALL SUMMON DEMONIC CHICKENS TO FEAST ON YOU CHROMOSONES! **


	2. fights lead to questions and surprises

**Ya, back, I know, surprised as you are. I actaully didn't think I would update this fic, but hey, it's mine after all. So why not. You may notice I am in a sarcastic mood at the moment I write this, that'll probably change.**

**K', well you'll be happy to note that I'm keeping up my streak, with only one review, although Jasin is now on the favourites list of two people, and I got one review. So ya, I are is happy.**

**Had some free time, you know, surprisingly not studying right now, so I decided to wipe up a chapter. I hope that the fans of cutting strings won't be to offended that I chose to write this instead of my (Slightly) aclaimed story, but this is what I'm in the mood to write. MMMMMMMMM'K?**

**Not a lot to talk about at the moment, wicked bad heat-wave goin' down here. I hate the heat, it really messes with the electrical discharges in my brain, frying my memories. It is a little annoying, sure, but hey, I can deal with it. I'm not really sure if I should be writing this right now, but hey, don't totally care really.**

**I hope that the plot I'm using isn't to rushed, but hey, this next fight scene is either gonna suck, or rock hardcore!**

**READ, READ DARN YOU! READ LIKE THE BOOKWORM YOU ARE! REEEEAAAAD!**

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Orochimaru was pissed. No, he was beyond pissed, he had passed pissed two hours ago on a bus to Saskatchewan (Canadian province eh). He clutched his tongue as the blood flowed down his chin, pooling down his chin.

The blonde with the farming tool just eyed the man like he was some kind of joke. That simply feuled the fire of hatred towards the boy in the pit of Orochimaru's stomach, making the idea of castrating the boy with a butterknife seem that much more appealing.

Naruto was done waiting. "Oi, you gonna fight, or run, you stupid snake?!" He said loudly, eyes narrowing at the pale man impersonating a boy. Orochimaru was now officially pissed. "You...LITTLE SHIT!" Orochimaru said, flairing his killer-intent. Sasuke found himself unable to move as the wave hit him head on.

The blonde didn't flinch. "Oh, ya, so scary, would you mind just running now and saving all that spooooooky killer intent for later?" Naruto said again, sarcasm coming to the surface. Orochimaru decided then and there, no mercy. He had killed servants for far less, he wasn't taking this.

Shoving his hand forcibly down his throat, he withdrew kusanagi, dripping wet with saliva and slime. Naruto wasn't impressed. "C'mon, I just want you to leave now!" He said.

Orochimaru grew a crazed look. "DIE!" Was all he said before he threw his imfamous blade at the boy. A quick handseal and the grass cutter (Kusanagi in english) multiplied to twenty, firing straight for the kill. It was always fun for Orochimaru to play with his prey before they died, and kusanagi was a favourite.

They zoomed at super speed, cutting the air around them. They drew ever closer to the blonde, coming inches to him. That was as far as they got. Naruto stepped sharply down on the bark of the tree, causing a large wall to spring up and meet the flying swords head on. The wood didn't stand up long, barely slowing down the poison covered blades.

Orochimaru smirked as the bark was turned to splinters fluttering in the wind. His smirk died however, when the wood hit the large branch, revealing the blonde wasn't there. _'Where'd he go?' _Orochimaru thought.

"Here's a hint." Naruto said in his ear. The sannin's eyes widened slightly as a kunai's cold metal touched his neck. The blonde was standing lazily behind him, holding the knife as though it was nothing. Oddly, the scythe he had had was now missing...

The knife dug sharply into Orochimaru's neck, killing him instantly. Or his mudclone that is. The mud pooled at Naruto's feet, dark and brown. Orochimaru seemingly materialized out of nowhere, walking calmly, hiding his sheer of hatred of the child. But he was in for a shocker.

"Damn it! My new sandels! Crap, now I gotta go all the way back to waterfall country! Well this is just perfect, stupid deido-bunshin, messing them up like this!" Naruto cursed to himself, seemingly lost in his own little world. Orochimaru had the decency to look a little offended at the sheer fact he had been blown off by sandels, but moved that aside.

"Maybe I can clean them off or som-" Naruto said, before the twenty kusanagi from before impaled him. Orochimaru smirked as he watched all the blades run through and through Naruto, the blonde was dead. Quickly dispelling the clones, the sannin walked over to the body of the blonde. He got a shock though, when the body didn't fall.

Naruto just stood there, his eyes shadowed. Then, they looked up, and Orochimaru was creeped out. Naruto was smiling. Not a smirk, not a 'ha-ha' smile, no, it was a 'your gonna die a painful death and I'm gonna be happy about it the whole way' smile. Naruto reached to his stomach, were the true sword had shot through, gripped the handle, and ripped it out of his belly. There was no blood on it, it was as though the blade had never actually hit.

Orochimaru wasn't prepared for that. His eyes widened, as he totally froze up. The child wasn't dead, an impossible feat, that was certain, infact, Orochimaru could only remember one person with the same skill-

He had almost no time to react as his very own sword swung by his head, splitting several hairs off his head. Orochimaru now was giving Naruto his full attention. The sword came around again to quickly, almost taking off his head. Now though, Orochimaru was getting a little worried. Time to step things up a bit. In his mind, he released on of seven gravity seals on his legs, increasing his speed exponentially.

Naruto noticed the change immediately. The man that was now just trailing behind was now easily keeping up with his lightning swings. _'Time to get serious.' _Naruto thought. Orochimaru was surprised when the blonde jumped away. **"CHI TOU OUJOU!" **(Thousand sickle death) Naruto said as he thrust his hand at Orochimaru.

From his sleeve, sickles of all kinds shot forth at extreme speeds. Orochimaru had to dodge sharply as the blades came close to cutting him down. A quick kawariime and Orochimaru was farther away, observing the damage dealt by Naruto. The forest was covered in his handy work, the sharp objects imbedded in pretty much everything. Sasuke stared ahead, astonished as sheer devastation of the jutsu taking hold. Sakura was speechless.

But Naruto wasn't done yet. "Come out, bastard." He said mockingly. Orochimaru thought he might actually do that, but then thought against it. The blonde was exhibiting extreme potential, and if he was right, he was a greater host than Sasuke could ever be. It was time to test this boy.

Orochimaru quickly made a clone, and sent it out. The clone landed on the branche, and turned to Naruto. The boy just eyed it with no true interest at all really. "What do you think your doing, trying to pass off a shody clone like that?" Naruto said out loud. Orochimaru smirked, he had purposly made a clone that was shoddy, hoping the blonde would point it out. His suspicions were becoming more and more correct.

Jumping down, he landed on the branch with a thunk. Naruto just looked at him like he was an idiot. "Kukukuku, so you saw through it. Such a shame I have to kill you now." Orochimaru said as he released the second set of weights on his gravity seals. Orochimaru was now almost twice as fast.

The man blurred away from his position, and Naruto didn't even blink before he was sent hurtling backwards, an indent of a fist in his face. He rolled away, before coming to a stop, laying on his chest. In Orochimaru's hand was his trusty sword, which Orochimaru stuffed down his throat again.

Orochimaru wasn't surprised. The boy was not invincible, he could be knocked out. Reaching behind, Orochimaru grabbed a kunai and took it out, advancing towards his prey.

He raised his arm high, and Sakura screamed as he swung the kunai down on Naruto.

Naruto's hand shot up and caught his wrist. Orochimaru's eyes widened as Naruto stepped onto one knee, almost kneeling, while still holding his wrist. Naruto's face was not visable under the mop of spikey hair he had. Naruto's breathing was haggard, coming out laboured.

As Naruto raised his head, Orochimaru got a good look at his face. His eyes had violently changed. Red seemed to flow from the left side of each eye, his irises turning white. As the man watched, mezmerized, the red slowly bled into white, his irises changing back to there original state.

Orochimaru got back in touch with reality as a fist slammed into his exposed ribcage. He was sent flying away, winded, as Naruto lowered his hand. Orochimaru stood up, he found himself slightly winded. He personnaly despised the chakra restrictors he was wearing, but, they were necassary to keep his profile low. If it had been any other day, he would have crushed the boy.

Naruto breathing had calmed down to normal. He stood tall now, what had happened between him and Orochimaru unseen between Sasuke and Sakura. Angles rock like that.

"Fine bastard, you don't want to leave, K! You asked for it!" Naruto shouted, befroe raising his right hand. From it, a tiny black ball formed. This ball streached into a pole, and from one end, a long, thick blade made for slicing sprang out. Orochimaru decided to move, but found himself unable to for some odd reason, his arms had become stiff, his legs unmoving.

Naruto swung the blad behind him, shifting his body into a crouch. He hunched his back, ready to spring. Then he did the unexpected. He tossed the long weapon into the air, and began to run through a long chain of handseals. As the scythe decended, Naruto shouted the name of the technique.

**"YUUEN KATTO YOKOANA!" **(grand cutting tunnel) Naruto shouted. He caught the scythe, and swung it behind again. Then he disappeared. For one second, all that could be heard was silence. Then the jutsu kicked in.

It was chaotic. One second, everything was fine, the next, it was like being in a typhoon. A typhoon with swords. Leaves, trunks, wood and the occasionally unlucky bug were cut to ribbons. Wind wiped Sasuke's/Sakura's hair, as they covered there faces. Small cuts seemed to appear on them almost like magic.

Orochimaru was hit the worst though. He was at the epicentre as he was hit by the spinning cyclone of death and destruction. His skin was bleeding badly, his clothes in tatters. He raised his arms to protect his face, though it was futile. One final hit, directly in his stomach, and Orochimaru's now bloodied mass was sent hurtling into the tree trunk, almost being sent straight through it. The man slid down in a heap, a snarl on his lips.

Naruto materialized back to where he had been standing before, and collapsed onto one knee, breathing heavily. He himself was covered in slashes, though no blood flowed from his wounds. Sakura slowly stood up, Sasuke remained sitting. In his chest, a flame of jealousy was lit, to small to notice.

Orochimaru was not dead. Infact, he was fairly alright. He'd live, although he would have to fight another day. But, before he left...

He stood up slowly, the life giving liquid that kept him alive flowing out of his wounds. Naruto was still breathing heavily, his body clearly suffering from chakra exhaustion. Orochimaru took his chance. His head shot forwards, and clasped sharply onto Sasuke's neck. Sakura screamed in fright at this manouver, although Sasuke screamed louder when the seal took affect.

Clasping his shoulder as Orochimaru's head retracted, Sasuke collapsed on the ground, holding his shoulder defensively. Sakura was at his side, fightfully examining the wound. It didn't look to bad, though a mark appeared on Sasuke's neck, one that resembled the three tomoes of a sharingan...

Orochimaru lifted his battered arms and ran through a quick handseal. He slowly stepped back into the broken tree trunk, merging with it. As he left, a threat and a promise was proclaimed by him. "Sasuke you will seek me out for more power, and you boy, I shall have your head." He said threateningly.

Under Naruto's breath, he retorted. "Bring it, snake breath." Naruto said to himself as he stood up. His scythe seemed to turn into a dark smoke, before flowing up his sleeve. Naruto walked over to Sakura.

He picked a classic ice breaker. "So...hi, I'm Naruto." He said.

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Two hours later, the two of them sat in a tree hollow. It was large, surprisingly dry, and was comfortable enough to take care of Sasuke. Sakura applied another damp cloth she had brought to that damned forest for one reason or another. It had been a good call.

Naruto was sitting across from her, lazing about. He didn't look to interested in his surroundings, although Sakura noted that every few minutes his eyes would scan the surroundings. He was keeping watch. Kokuzoku had been fairly good at doing that as well. The thought of her old teammate kind of downed her thoughts.

He had been a comrade. He had fought with them in wave. He had nagged her a few times for a date, and sure he was annoying. But darn it! He was a friend! She couldn't believe that someone so close to her could be a spy that only wanted information. A stray tear ran down her cheeks, Naruto didn't seem to notice.

She looked over at the walking enigma. What had he been doing in the forest in the first place? He had no teammates, nor did he have a head band. Though Sakura had to admit, he had some really cool jutsu. That tunnely-thing had been fairly over the top though, some of those cuts smarted.

She eyed the boy, who was currently poking a slug with a stick. He was interesting, he sure was. He could have passed himself off for cool bad-ass, had he not had the personnality of a loud mouthed idiot. His abilities themselves were _deathly, _and seemed to revolve around the same theme. It wasn't uncommon for shinobi to do that, copycat Kakashi and Jiraiya the toad sannin were prime examples. Though a death theme was rare, shinobi tried to avoid that theme for good reasons.

It made them stick out to much.

Deciding to end the silence, she tried to have a conversation to pass the time till she had to change Sasuke's wet cloth. "So, Naruto, what...are you doing in Konoha?" She asked. The blonde jumped at her voice, before turning around in alarm. He calmed down for a second, before shrugging and sitting down.

...on the slug.

After a quick clean up, Naruto sat back down, only this time, not on a slug. "Um, actually, I'm a little lost. Do you know where lightning country is?" He asked sheepishly. Sakura facefaulted hard on the ground. Lightning country was not hard to find, it was in the exact opposite direction Naruto had been traveling.

"I have a map if you want." She said. Naruto seemed incredulous, before nodding. She reached into her pack and removed a scroll, and handed it to him. It turned out it was a map of the continent. "Oh, so south doesn't start with N!" Naruto said out loud like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world. Sakura had the decency to deck him for that one.

With a large bump on his head, Naruto also had some decency. To look scared as hell of the pink haired girl. His eyes were wide as he tried his best to stem the swelling. Sakura had managed to calm down.

"Okay then, why do you want to go there?" She asked pryingly. Naruto simply smiled under the bandages. "Why not?" He said, shrugging. Sakura raised an eyebrow at that comment, though she let it slide. "Okay, one more question, what's with the scythe you have?" She asked. Naruto grew serious at that comment.

"What's wrong with it?" He asked, Sakura becoming alarmed. "NONONONO-NO! That's not it. It's just a really interesting weapon is all!" She had managed to save herself with that one. Naruto seemed to glow with pride at her comment.

"It is, isn't it! Here..." He reached behind his back and seemed to pull the scythe out of a holster on his back, despite its blade being far to large to fit into any kind of sheath.

He handed it over to Sakura, who found it surprisingly...light. It was heavy, that was for sure, although not as heavy as something of that size should have been. She found it flexible, and the blade sharp, made for slicing. The amazing thing was it was inscribed. On the blade, in small kanji, it said 'Kire kire houcho' (chop chop cleaver, at least I hope it is).

Sakura examined the simple cutting machine, taking in its simple design. The simple blade was attached to a long black pole, a metal ring at the top to attach it. Though Sakura could kind of tell that something was not right about this thing.

She handed it back to its owner, Naruto. Naruto simply smiled, before he had the scythe turn into smoke again and flow up his sleeve. Sakura's eyes widened, that wasn't something you expected a scythe to do.

The silence was almost deafening as Sakura placed another cloth onto Sasuke's burning forhead. His condition was getting worse, he could die soon if she didn't figure out what his ailment was.

If things continued like this, Sasuke would die.

Naruto stood up "I'll go find some fire wood, you keep an eye on him." Naruto said.

Unbeknownst to him, three pairs of eyes watched them closely.

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"What the hell happened here?" Naruto said out loud as he trudged back to the clearing, several wood logs in his arms. He had walked back not to long ago, and come to a rather smashing scene.

Sasuke was up, and looking fairly agitated. Sakura was far worse, covered in some light bruises, cuts, and her hair was horribly shaved off, leaving it lopsided. Naruto took note to the small force of shinobi around, all of them Naruto was unfamiliar with.

One of them, a boy in green spandex with a bowl cut and huge eyebrows was being shook awake by a girl in classic chinese clothes, her hair in buns. He seemed to bounce back, proclaiming loud nonsense into the air.

There was another pack of them by a bush, a blonde like him wearing purple, a husky kid (Cause saying fat is rude unless said person is a jerk about it) with swirls on his cheeks, and a lazy looking guy with a pineapple haircut. Some guy with white pupils and long hair landed beside the girl that had been shaking eyebrows, the guy looked like an arrogant prick.

Said boy, walked up to Bowlcut, who was currently apoligizing to Sakura about something. "Lee, you idiot. We told you to meet us by the tree half an hour ago, and yet you almost get yourself killed." White eye said. "Gomen nasai, Neji-kun, but I needed to protect Sakura-san." Lee said.

Naruto raised an eyebrow, his personna still not noticed. So, the spandex wearing kid was named Lee, and the prick Neji. That left out the girl with the buns, and the second team...

Neji suddenly twitched. "You over there, you can't hide from me." Neji proclaimed loudly, pointing at Naruto. Naruto sweat dropped. "I wasn't hiding..." Was all he had to reply with, making Neji flush in anger, and buns to snicker. "W-well then, WHO ARE YOU!" Neji tried to recover. Naruto just shrugged before trotting forwards and setting down the fire wood by Sakura.

Sakura feilded this question. "This is Naruto." She said, indicating to said blonde, who was currently poking a fly with a stick. "He saved me and Sasuke a little back from this insane snake guy..." She trailed off. It was Lee that continued the game of twenty questions.

"Ne, Sakura-san, but, where is Kokuzoku?" Lee asked innocently. Sakura and Sasuke, who had just leaned against the tree, stiffined. "He-he's dead." Sakura said sadly. Everyone there grew sober, save Naruto, who didn't seemed all that shocked.

The blonde haired girl ran up and hugged Sakura. Sakura's eyes widened, before they seemed to relax, and then she burst into silent tears in the girls arms. Sasuke scowled, he didn't need to be comforted by someone to deal with a friends death, he had dealt with worse.

Sakura broke the hug she had with the girl, and smiled. "Thanks Ino." She said. The blonde Ino just smiled. Any other day and Ino would have told Sakura to take a hike, but at the moment, rivalries were put aside for mourning.

Naruto again seemed indifferent to this. He just continued to poke stuff. Sasuke's eyes traveled over the boy as his back was turned from him. Jealousy flaired slightly in him, though he didn't recognize the emotion, he had never felt it before. The skills he had shown were above his own, and he had defeated someone that he couldn't have. This wouldn't do at all.

With a simple goodbye, the other teams left. With a canopy of trees hanging above, the fire wood forgotten, they started the trek to wherever.

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With some luck, Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto, made it through the forest. It was by sheer luck that they ended up walking in on some really sucky rain-nin, and ended up getting the second scroll they needed. Well Sakura and Sasuke anyway's, Naruto was just there because he had nothing better to do.

The fortress loomed over the horizon, and as they neared, Naruto came to an ubrupt stop. Sakura and Sasuke raised eyebrows at this. "What is it?" Sasuke asked shortly. Naruto just shrugged. "You guys are fine without me right now, I have to go somewhere." Naruto said simply. Sakura's eyes widened, while Sasuke didn't seem that much affected.

"Head to the tower, I have to go." Naruto said as he took off. Sakura waved goodbye, Sasuke giving a slight wave as he turned back to there current goal.

Twenty minutes later, they were at the tower. Heading into the door, they came to a fairly large room with pillars, a bulliten board on the far wall with something tacked into it. On it, there read a poem that Sasuke easily solved.

Opening the scrolls, the set them on the ground. After a few seconds, nothing happened. Then a small pop was heard, before smoke billowed forth from the scolls. From the mass of smoke stepped out Kakashi. "Yo!...where's Kokuzoku?" He asked, eyebrows up.

Sakura sighed. "He's...dead." She let the words sink in. Kakashi became sober at this, looking down. "That is unfortunate. Although news has already reached us that he was a spy." Kakashi said. Sakura nodded, Sasuke simply flipped his hair (**LIKE THE EMO HE IS!**).

"So, did anything else happen?" Kakashi asked, trying to get off the subject of death and betrayel. To some, he was taking it to easily, but ANBU were given special training to supress emotion, and Kakashi had already lost a lot. He was just used to it.

"Ya, we met this weird ninja." Sakura said. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to be more specific, there are a lot of weird ninja out there." Kakashi said simply. Sakura sighed. "Darn it, what was his name! It's on the tip of my tongue, almost like some author somewhere is trying to stop me from remembering because he or she wishes to build tension to captivate there audience!(The magnificent it snickers)"

Like a lightbulb, Sakura's head shot up. "Oh ya, NARUTO!" She said out loud.

Kakashi blaunched. His eyes were wide, his mouth open, held up by his mask. "T-th-that's not possible!" He said out loud. Sakura and Sasuke just gave him an odd look, before indicating to elaborate.

"How so?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi was sober again. "The reason is simple, Uzumaki Naruto can't be here because-"

"-He's been missing for twelve years." Kakashi said in a hushed tone.

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**The ending was rushed, you can see it if you look close enough. But still, thought that this was going well enough. **

**If there are people that have a problem with it, just write a review, I am not above flaming, although if there isn't a good enough point to it, then I will simply ignore it. For that is my way.**

**Naruto's absence will be explained partially next chapter, although there may be another timeskip, I don't know. As to why Naruto wants to go to lightning country, that is actually explained. Because he can.**

**Besides this, not much to write about. So ya.**

**REVIEW, OR I SHALL SING LIKE A SPANISH CANARY! A VERY PRETTY CANARY!**


	3. Who is this, Naruto?

**Besides this, I recieved some good reviews. Fans are taking well to the concept, and have pointed out how original it is. I get that a lot, but none the less, I still appreciate the praise.**

**Other than this, the plot will thicken, and Naruto's person will become clearer.**

**READ! OR I SHALL PLACE A TAX ON GUMDROPS AND GUMMYBEARS!**

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Sakura watched the match below, her mind on other things. Down below, Shikamaru, or pineapple kid if your wondering, was fighting one of the girls that had attacked her in the forest. Kin something...

Her mind was not really there up on the balcony, watching the fight below. She wasn't there, when Kin tried to turn Shikamaru into a pin cution, she wasn't there when he in turn bashed Kin's head into a wall with a well placed shadow-bind. Where her mind was, was on the enigmatic blonde Naruto.

It was just shocking really. Someone that has been missing for twelve years suddenly up and appears in Konoha with no real reason at all. It didn't make sense, why had Naruto all of a sudden been so keen on staying away from them once they had been close to the tower. Had he not wanted to be caught? Why not?

To many questions. Her head still hurt from that shot that Ino had gotten in on her face during the exams. It throbbed quite badly. Beside her, the girl Hinata watched the insueing fight between a boy from the mist being trounced by her teammate, Kiba. Truthfully, Hinata scared her.

She was considered an ice queen (very au part right here), and for good reasons. While she may look meek if you simply looked at her, she would change that in a second with her attitude. The only person that measured anywhere near her coldness was Neji and his ass had a twelve foot poll shoved up it. That parka she wore, and the bowl cut hair really mislead people.

She looked distainly down at the match as Kiba decked his opponent to the floor. Kiba, her teammate, was a brash guy, one that also wore a parka and fought with is dog, Akamaru. She as a person was not truly satisfied with Kiba's performance from the looks of it, she was scowling dangerously.

As Kiba ran up the steps, he was greeted by said teammate, along with there other member, Shino. He walked up, smiling like an idiot at the victory. "Awesome! Did you guys see that, that was easy!" Kiba shouted, not unlike a certain blonde. Hinata shot him down.

"What are you talking about? You simply dragged out an unnecassary fight. All you did was slow down the inevitable. You will probably lose next round, you should hope that you don't face me in the next, I'll crush you." Hinata said snidely, walking off. Kiba seemed depressed now, his very soul sucked out.

Shino sighed silently, sometimes, Hinata was to cruel. She was tolerable sometimes, but really, there was a point when he felt like simply quiting his own team. She could be quite the royal bitch sometimes.

Sakura watched all this transend, and frankly, she was glad that all she had to deal with was Sasuke when he was in one of his stoic moods. At least he was quiet.

Her mind turned back towards the enigmatic blonde...

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Kakashi walked hurriedly down the hallway leading to the hokage's office. His eye was trained straight forwards, his back slightly hunched, he slowly leaked out a small amount of killer-intent.

It was quite plain that Kakashi was not in the mood for fun.

Walking up to the door of Sarutobi, the current fire-shadow, Kakashi was suddenly stopped by a shrill voice. "I'm sorry to say sir, but you have to have an appointment to speak with Hokage-sama, and I'm afraid that he his currently busy." A steriotypical receptionist said. Kakashi just fixed her with a stare loaded with killer-intent, making her sweat slightly.

"B-but I think that I c-can buzz you in!" She said nervously. Kakashi just nodded. The woman pressed a button on her desk, the door was now openable. Kakashi stepped into the spacious office.

The door snapped shut as Kakashi strolled in. He was greeted by an elderly man, old with liver spots, sitting behind a large desk, speaking to another man, who was wearing a blue version of the hokage robes. The kazekage, estimed leader of the hidden sand.

"Kakashi, what is it that is more important than the exam plans?" Sarutobi said, annoyed that one of his best jounin had to barge in at such a crucial moment. "Hai, Hokage-sama, but, there is news that I must address." Kakashi said sternly.

"News that can't wait?" The fire-shadow said, crossing his fingers together and propping them up against his face. "Yes actually, apparently, Orochimaru was in the testing area and-" Kakashi said.

"I am well aware of that Kakashi, as of four hours ago I knew this. Now if you don't have anything new for me, then please leave!" The man said. "-Naruto was there as well." Kakashi said in a low voice.

The Hokage froze, his eyes wide in shock. "What do you mean 'Naruto was there as well'?" The Kazekage piped in, his eyes scanning the two suspiciously. "I'm afraid that I will have to ask you to leave, Kazekage-sama, this news is sadly in dire need of assesment." The Hokage said like a business man. The yondaime Kazekage looked a little miffed that he was being kicked out, but consented. He'd ring the information out of the old fool later.

As the door snapped shut, the old man turned back to Kakashi. "Are you sure it was him?" He said. "Absolutely, there is only one person on earth with a name as odd as that, not to mention my students described his appearence. It's definately him." Kakashi said.

The Hokage gave a long sigh, closing his eyes. "This is an unforseen surprise. Do you think he is still in the village?" The man asked. "I doubt it, Sakura mentioned he was headed for lightning country." He said. The Hokage visually paled.

"L-lightning country? This is bad, if Naruto, or his history is discovered, the raikage will take full advantage of the oppurtunity to acquire someone with power like he has. We need to find him, it is dire that Jashin doesn't fall into enemy hands." The man said softly.

Kakashi nodded. "What if he has already made it outside borders?" He asked. "Then we will take drastic action, we'll send out the hunter-nin to take him down. Better there's no weapon than a weapon in the hands of the enemy." The old man said gravely.

Kakashi looked a little shaken. "Isn't that a little harsh?" He asked. "In dire times like this, with Orochimaru looming, we can't afford to have strong enemies. We must no let the fourth's legacy become the very thing of our destruction." The ever aging man said in a sober voice.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Kakashi said, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. On the outside of the door, the Kazekage stopped eavesdropping. This weapon 'Naruto' sounded very interesting, perhaps he would be a good something to test _Gaara _on.

With this thought in mind, he turned and set out to find any information on Naruto.

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Far away, Naruto sat in the one place that none, not a single shinobi would have ever suspected him to be. He wasn't in some secret hide-out. He wasn't in a small hole somewhere. He wasn't running at top speeds through a tree canopy, hoping against hope that the hunter-nin didn't catch up to him.

"OI! OLD MAN! Another bowl!"

He was in the very heart of Konoha village, enjoying a large bowl of ramen. The ANBU to this day still hadn't figured out how he escaped there grasp as they searched high and low through the entire forest surrounding Konoha.

Old man Teuchi was the formentioned old man, who was amazed at the sheer amount of ramen that was being packed down by the strange black wearing blonde infront of him. Beside the boy, leaning on the counter was a massive scythe, one that was fairly plain, aside from its size.

What was really perplexing for the man though was the lakes of ramen the boy was eating. Teuchi placed another bowl infront of the boy, who quicker than the man could see, scarfed the stuff down. One second there was ramen in the bowl, the next it was empty.

Naruto was in pure bliss. It had been far to long since he had eaten, and this dish he had just stumbled on was dilectible! It was better than those pickled seal eyes he had eatten in snow country, and those were awesome! This soup thing, ramen, was definately on his list of best food ever conceived.

Beside him, a flap was heard as a chuunin by the name of Umino Iruka stepped in. He was surprised to find a boy sitting in his usual spot, one that was inhaling bowl after bowl of ramen. The large stack beside him suggested that the boy had been there for a while and from the rate he continued to eat, he was going to be there for a lot longer.

Half an hour later, and Iruka's eyebrow was twitching slightly as he continued to watch the small child eat still more ramen. He was at 67 bowls, each bowl holding about 2.5 L of ramen. That ment that Naruto had eatten about 167.5 L of ramen in the course of an hour. And he was still going strong.

Suddenly, Naruto stopped and quivered slightly, totally motionless. Teuchi had seen this before, this was the part when the impossible amount of ramen eaten shot back up through the persons throught hole, a method commenly called barfing. Naruto twitched, before his cheeks expanded, his face turned red and he clutched his stomach.

**"BBBBBBURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **Was heard through out the entire village as Naruto let loose a collosal belch on that shook the very village, causing many to go into a panic.

Iruka and Teuchi, along with his daughter Ayami and random pedestrian #7 were all slightly deaf from the noise as Naruto sighed loudly satisfaction. His eyes fell on the odd looks he was getting, especially from Iruka. "Oh, sorry, _excuse me_." He said, apoligizing for the belch. Massive sweat drops all around.

Iruka had to get to know this kid, he was by far the most interesting thing to happen to him since yesterday, when some kid detonated a smoke bomb in his pants. "So, are you a ninja?" Iruka used the classic ice breaker.

Naruto turned to him slowly, fixing him with a calculative eye. He seemed to nod to himself, before answering. "I have no idea." He said, making Iruka faceplant.

"What do you mean you have no idea?!" He shouted, making a woman and her child passing by run away frightened. Naruto just shrugged. "Well, on the one hand, I am capable of using jutsu, and I also am well equanted with several killing styles. But on the other hand I don't belong to a village, not do I have an identification head-band all ninja have. So I'm kinda tied, got the skills, don't have the papers." Naruto said, explaining his answer.

Iruka just stared at the blonde like he had grown an extra head. "All righty then...guess that answers my question. So why are you here anyways? Going to join the village?" Iruka asked as Naruto dug into his bowl of ramen. Naruto just gave him a look. "Not in this life-time." Was all he said, leaving it at that.

Iruka wasn't satisfied. "Why's that? Is there something wrong with being part of a village?" He asked. Naruto didn't look at him, but his eyes darkened. "I've had bad trouble with 'loyalties'." Naruto said, leaving it hanging. Iruka just raised an eyebrow, this kid was like an emotional freight train, one minute a happy idiot, another a philosipher, and the next, he was some dark, depressed emo. He was an odd one, this Naruto.

A clunk was heard as Naruto dug back into his ramen, this time slower. Iruka was surprised to find, that when Naruto ate, he didn't remove the mask he was wearing. Instead, he simply opened his mouth, and a patch of bandages opened like a second layer of skin, one that Naruto could slip the noodles through. It was interesting.

On closer inspection, Naruto also appeared to tighten his lips, covering his teeth. Even more interesting. "You eat oddly, did you know that?" Iruka said. Naruto just eyed him, before shrugging. "So, you look odd, you don't see me saying anything about it." Naruto said curtly. Iruka bristled at that comment.

"I was just pointing something out!" Iruka said, a large frown appearing on his features. "It is considered impolite to point things out that are different about people, is it not?" Naruto asked. Iruka sighed loudly. "I'm sorry, it just was something I thought I should point out." He said simply.

"Lets start over. I'm Iruka." He said, shoving his hand forwards. Naruto just looked at it, before hesitantly grasping it. "Fine, I'm Naruto."

The shook on it, the old man looking at them as though they were crazy.

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The door to the Uchiha household opened slowly as Sasuke gently stepped into the long abandoned hallways of his home. Thin moon-beams shone through the windows, making the scenery glow slightly around him. Anyone else would have panicked, but Sasuke was fairly used to it.

Kicking his shoes off, Sasuke sat his bag on the table of his living room as he flipped a light on. The dark shadows dancing on the walls instantly disappeared as the much brighter light chased them away. Walking over to the fridge, Sasuke grabbed a small can of pop, before sitting himself down on the couch. He didn't open the can, simply setting it on the table.

His mind was far elsewhere.

The battle in the forest was fresh in his mind, thanks to his sharingan being activated the whole time. Orochimaru cackling as he slowly sauntered over to where Sasuke kneeled. The loud thunk as Naruto smacked into the tree trunk. Orochimaru's earsplitting shrieks as the spinning whirlwind that was Naruto slammed into his torso.

It wasn't fair! He was the Uchiha! He was the one that needed to avenge his clan! HE was the one that needed that power to crush Itachi, not some blonde idiot that fell out of trees! What had that boy done to deserve such strength, when it was him that had suffered so!

Wrenching pain racked Sasuke's body as he keeled forwards, clutching his shoulder. He slowly swiveled his eyes as he looked at his hand, the hand that was now covered in black flame tattoo like bruises. The seal was active.

That was another thing. This thrill that had him when the seal was active, how was it bad? Kakashi insisted that he seal it, yet now that he had, Sasuke couldn't use anything, from his sharingan to his best jutsu anywhere nearly as well as he did under the seals influence. It was maddening.

The tattoo's slowly reseaded as Sasuke got off the topic of his little failures. There were other things to think about, like how he could improve himself.

Well for one thing he was much to slow in the battle. So, get some weights. His hits had been to weak. So, start punching the posts more, maybe get a sparing partner. And his jutsu had not been up to par. Maybe he could ask Kakashi for some pointers, the man did after all have over a thousand jutsu. Maybe he would have one as destructive as the move Naruto had used, the one that started with...

Then it hit Sasuke like a freight train. He had watched the whole fight, the entire fight with his sharingan activated. That meant he had copied...the seals...to Naruto's...jutsu...

Sasuke couldn't believe he hadn't realized it before! This meant he could preform the jutsu! This was good, really good.

Disregarding his still untouched can of soda, he dashed outside to his more private training ground. Sasuke didn't mind the dim light, he was far to distracted to see if perhaps he could preform this jutsu.

Standing in one of the more open areas of the training field he had inherited after his parents untimely deaths, Sasuke activated his sharingan.

The memory of Naruto's battle with Orochimaru replayed in Sasuke's head as he consentrated all his might into the memory of the handseals Naruto ran through before Naruto activated the jutsu.

Sasuke opened his eyes, before beginning the handsigns. Going through the set quickly, Sasuke ended in the final seal, before sending out a large jolt of chakra. _'THIS IS IT!' _He thought to himself.

Boy was it ever.

Almost to fast to see, Sasuke screwed up. He feat shot forwards from under him, sending his head slamming into the hard dirt floor. Sasuke saw stars as he tried to regain his bearings and figure out what the hell had just happened.

Ok, he was now on his back instead of standing at a 90 degree angle. That he knew. Obviously he hadn't skrewed up, it was the jutsu, so Sasuke stood back up and ran through the same handseals again.

...And the same thing happened, again.

The next day, as Sasuke strolled up to Kakashi for the days training that would commence, Kakashi gave him an odd look.

Probably because the duck-ass part of his hair was now flat, making him look a lot more like his older brother. Great.

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About that same time, the Kazekage silently stepped through the door that led to the small hotel that his children were staying in. He himself was in a much larger one far away.

Walking paste Temari and Kankuro, whom refused to acknowledge his existence, he still silently walked up to a door that held his third child. In his opinion, his greatest failure.

He didn't bother to knock, as he cracked the door open, peering into the dark room. There were no lights on, the windows were shut tight, letting no light get in, creating a artificial night.

On the bed, was silhouted the form of a boy that was his third child. Gaara. His features were not visable, only his piercing aqua eyes, lifeless like a corpse, caught him in a massive amount of killer-intent.

"What is it?" He said, a long, low drone, void of any emotion. The Kazekage was unfazed.

"I have some information for you, if you are willing to listen." The man said. Gaara appeared unfazed. "What could you possibly tell me that would make me care in any way that your talking to me?" He asked again, still no emotion.

"Simple, I may have found another like you. I don't know everything, but it appears that the Hokage is hiding something." The Kazekage said.

Gaara was silent. The only indication that he was at all affected was that he had narrowed his eyes. "I see...leave then." Gaara said. The Kazekage only noddes slightly, he wasn't stupid enough to believe that he could outright kill the weapon he had created.

Closing the door with a snap, the yondaime Kazekage left the boy. Gaara sat alone, staring off into space, not really looking. In the back of his mind, a voice whispered. _'...rip...tear...knash...kill...that is what we shall do, my child.' _The voice said, making Gaara smile maniacly. He was a good boy, he would listen to mother.

Besides, who ever this person was, he would enjoy hunting them.

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**So, I was like what and she was like what and the guy next door was like who and then Charlie burst into flame. Thus ended the craziest night of my life.**

**...that was weird.**

**Well then, reviews have been good, and people seem to really like this portrayle of Naruto that I have. Some were confused on the plot, don't worry, so am I, and some thought Naruto should be more emotionless, as he's got an 'Evil god' residing in his stomach. I'm sorry to say, but frankly I think that Naruto is fine the way he is, go write you own story if you don't like it. **

**In other news, Jashin now has ten reviews. Hurray.**

**That's pretty much it. **

**REVIEW, YOU KNOW WHY! **


	4. Meeting's of all kinds, mostly bad

**"Draw your swords, load your guns, put on some armor, its time for fun."**

**-The magnificent it, before charging into battle while playing monster hunter. The rathalos didn't know what hit him. **

**It is with this quote that I bring you: CHAPTER 4 OF JASHIN! Hurray for you all, I be alive! **

**Some may wonder why I have layed off from Jashin for such along time. The reason is simple, I came down with a bad case of writers block, one that hasn't totally worn off yet. Regardless however, I press onwards, being awesome the whole freakin' way.**

**Ya, that's a good excuse...**

**I got several good reviews for the story, many pellting questions like "Does Naruto know the rituals?" and "Will Hidan worship him?". Well, I sadly have to withold this information for two reasons. 1) Revealing this facts would potentially remove all the surprise factor of the story, and 2) I only have half an idea if I am actually going to do these things. Kinda sad really.**

**OH! And before I forget, I finally found out the name of the fourth hokage, its Minato Namikazi! So from here on, I shall now be using that name as a term of reference.**

**Now then, about the chapter...ya...**

**NEON, ALL I SEE IS NEON! IT BURNS! AND FLASHES! GLARGINHIMENSHIZNIT! EPILEPSEY! YAAARRRGH! 'Thud'. **

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The sandaime was often considered a bit of a wiseman. Intelligent, full of experience, and well tested in the trials of life. Some of his higher fans would say that the only thing that could aggrevate him was an enemy village attacking. They were sadly wrong about this, there were three things that bothered the esteemed shadow of Konohagakure, aside from someone invading is village.

1) almost inhuman amounts of paperwork with a short deadline (Too bad Minato had died, the fourth would've been the one doing that, not him), 2) People walking in on him when he was at a particularly good part of Icha Icha, and 3) The ninja council, probably the largest collection of political windbags to ever set foot in his village.

Sighing heavily as the debate about where they should erect the new statue of the Nidaime dragged on, he dreaded when he had to bring up the little fact that Naruto was apparently alive. "So, its settled then, we'll erect it in town square then, along with the other statues of the Sandaime and the Shodaime Hokage." One particularily fat man said as if it wasn't the most obvious thing.

Another woman, aged and wrinkled stood up as he sat down. "Now then, if that is all, this meeting is adjorned." She said, turning to the Sandaime to dismiss them. To her surprise however, he just sucked on his pipe, blew out some smoke and sighed heavily. His eyes were shadowed by the ceremonial hat he wore, giving a foreboding presence.

"Sandaime-sama?" The woman inquired faintly, while some of the more restless members squirmed in there chairs. The Oji-san simple kept sucking on his pipe, before setting it down. "I actually have some news that needs the councils attention." He said, knowing full well he would regret telling them this.

The air about them seemed to shift to a tenser state, one that made the Sandaime even more uncomfortable. "And what would that information be, Sarutobi?" An almost ancient woman asked beside him. His former teammate and childhood friend, Koharu Utatane.

Sarutobi blew another puff of smoke from his pipe, still somber as ever. "Well, as you know, Orochimaru was recently seen inside the forest of death, and managed to place a cursed seal on Uchiha Sasuke." The Sandaime said as he blew a smoke ring. The council simply shifted around, there anxiety rising. Orochimaru was never a good omen in their eyes.

"We are well aware of that, Sandaime-sama. We have already increased our security policy because of this." A younger member of the council said. Sarutobi just nodded. "Well, there is a small piece of information that has been withheld from you, at least until I myself could verify this piece of information." The third coughed out as he took another puff of his tobacco.

The council members seemed to grow a little aggravated at this. The younger member stood up, his eyes boring into him. "And why, pray tell, was this information withheld from us, the very thing that keeps Konoha running!" He said, pointing his finger at him accusingly as other members nodded in aggrement.

"Because, according to the information-" _'I know I'm going to regret this-' _"-Naruto Uzumaki is alive and well." He finished.

The effect was instant, the usually levelheaded council was in uproar. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S ALIVE!?" One of the older members shouted. This man, in his later thirties, had been a member of a squad that was sent to kill Jashin, his missing right leg proof of that. While the council had been anxious before, now they were full blown terrified.

"YOU MEAN TO TELL US THAT...THING IS WITHIN THE VILLAGE!? WHY HAVEN'T YOU SENT THE ARMIES?! THE ANBU?! HELL, OUR ENTIRE SHINOBI FORCE AFTER HIM?!" A younger woman shouted, her left arm missing. She had also been on that mission. The Sandaime sighed heavily as the council began to grow more violent.

"ENOUGH!" He suddenly shouted, blasting a massive amount of killer-intent at them, freezing them in place. "This is why I withheld this information from you all! I have already dispatched a large amount of shinobi to track him down. There is no possible way that a twelve year-old could avoid a whole squadron of our best ANBU and jounin, so if they don't find him, then he isn't actually alive!" The elder shinobi finished.

The council seemed to calm down at his words, the killer-intent finally wearing off. "Now then, this meeting is adjourned." The fire-shadow finished as he trekked out. The members slowly filed out, talking in hushed voices, most-likely about the information that had just been told to them. It was among all this talking, that an elder by the name of Danzo began to hatch a plan.

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"Move it kid!" Two ANBU said as they rushed past a small boy in their way. "Important Konoha business!" The other shouted over his shoulder. Turning back to his partner, they both nodded and picked up speed, this Naruto kid wouldn't escape them, even though they were about a day late for the search.

Back behind them, the small boy huffed as he stood up in his black cloak, his blonde hair ruffled slightly by their sudden rush by. "Stupid ninja, always rush-rush with them, can't even let a poor guy like me freakin' walk in peace." He muttered under his breath as he opened his mouth and sucked down another stick of Dango.

"Hhhhhhmmmm...where to next?" Naruto thought to himself as he sat down on the curb and sucked down another stick. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small folding map he had gotten from a booth at the gates. "I've been pretty much everywhere except the Hokage momument, the hot springs and the red-light district. Hhhhmmmm..." He hummed to himself.

"I could go to the monument first, although the view doesn't look all that good. Maybe the red-light district? Naw, no fun there, only lots of giggling woman that put out too much. Not my type." He said to himself as a couple walking by gave him an odd look. "So that leaves the hotspring then!" His mind made up, he finished the last bunch of dango sticks and set off.

However, he found his way blocked by a pair of soft, squishy things attached to something...

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_//five-minutes earlier//_

Mitarashi Anko had few pleasures in life. All she had were her good looks (Which she gladly exploited), her love of killing things and, of course, her absolute obsession of dango. In fact, it was probably this love of dango that had kept what little sanity she had in working order.

So, she found it quite odd, when at about noon or so, she walked into one of her more preferred dango shops and asked for her usual, when the clerk simply said "No".

"What do you mean "no"?" Anko said in a dangerous tone. "Well miss, I'm sorry to say, but we are all out of dango." The clerk, an young woman by the name of Yuri, who Anko sometimes had conversations with said sheepishly. Anko wasn't pleased. "Then make some more!" She shouted indignantly.

The woman looked a little surprised. "I-I apoligize, but we're also out of materials you see. A young man came in here not long ago and ate almost our entire stock you see. We won't be able to restock for at least a week." She said. Anko steamed, before she got a devilish idea.

Striking her most seductive pose, Anko asked with a heavy blush on her face "But I need my dango Yuri-chan! Isn't there anything, anything at all I could give you to let me have just one stick." Anko whispered in a small voice. Yuri blushed crimson at what she was implying, tapping her two index fingers together.

(If you wondering, yes, Yuri is a lesbian. And no, Anko isn't, she just really wants her dango.)

"G-gomen, Anko-chan, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it. I'd gladly take up your offer however, if you're not busy tonight..." Yuri trailed off. Anko however had plans. "I apologize, Yuri-chan, but, I-uh, gotta go find that kid you mentioned and castrate him. Could you please tell me where he went?" Anko asked, quickly changing the subject.

Yuri cursed in the back of her mind, Anko had escaped her advances yet again. "Hai, he went down to the Nobunaga district." Yuri said. "He mentioned he might stop by either the monument, the hotspring or the red-light district. He was really odd that one, he looked only twelve..." Yuri trailed off.

Anko smiled and took off, calling over her shoulder "Arigoto, Yuri-chan!"

Yuri just sat there and waved, still cursing her luck with women.

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Anko speedwalked along the Nobunaga district, turning her head left and right, trying to spot the kid. She had contemplated going back and asking Yuri what he looked like, but thought better of it. She always got an uneasy feeling around Yuri, probably because half the time they talked, she was staring at her chest. Quite indecent really.

Anko's train of thought was however interrupted as someone walked into her as she turned a corner. Said person had blonde, spiky hair, though his face was currently being hidden by her C-cup breasts. She had the decency to inquire "What the hell do you think your doing?" as he unconciously nussled into her chest.

Naruto stepped backwards, and to his surprise the something he had walked into was a woman. Quite beautiful he could note. "Ah, my apoligizes, I wasn't watching where I was going, and I seem to have walked into a flower..." Although, with his face stuffed full of dango, it sounded something like "Ahuf, muh Aphaligiz, If waseph wafing wherph I waph going, aph I seem toph walfed inpho a floupher." Which didn't sound anywhere as cool as he had intended for it to sound.

Anko however didn't really notice his speech impediment, instead her attention was on his face, or more importantly, the fact that he had about eight sticks of Dango stuffed in it. This was the kid she'd been looking for, the boy she was going to hurt ten times harder for even trying to touch her chest (Despite it being an accident).

"Well, well, I've been looking for you young man..." She said as she reached inside her trench coat. Naruto nodded as he swallowed down the dango and spat out the sticks. "Really, for what?" He asked again.

Anko just smiled insanely. "Well..."

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"Are you sure we can't talk about this like rational people?" Naruto asked as a kunai whizzed past the top of his head. "Nope." Anko replied, taking aim at the now upside-down and tied up Naruto. Said child was getting worried, her aim was improving, and the glint in her eye said she was going to aim for another, more sensitive place soon.

Another kunai shot by, this one shaving a few hairs on his head. Anko was enjoying her revenge on this kid. Though frankly the way he was reacting, it wasn't as fun as she had hoped. He could have at least screamed every time she cut close to him, or showed at least an ounce of fear. But no, nothing at all.

Naruto on the other hand was barely paying attention to her actions, only one thing really on it. _'What the hell is this about?' _

"Oi, you, person with the knives!" He said, drawing Anko's interest. "Ya, what?" She replied back. Naruto thought about choosing his words carefully, then thought about chickens for a moment, then if his stocks had increased or decreased, realized he didn't have stocks, then tried to remember if he left the stove on, only to remember that he didn't have a stove, and promptly forgot his first thought, and went with his gut. (Not that that makes any sense of course)

"Are you insane, or do you actually have a reason for tying me up and chucking sharp objects at me?" Anko's response came in the form of her hurling another kunai at him. "I'll take that as a maybe." Naruto said outloud to himself.

Anko huffed. "Why is it that of all the kids that have to eat all my freakin' dango, I get the one that's kinda off his rocker." She spoke in a small voice. Naruto however had heard her. "I actually prefer to think that everyone else is insane, and I'm one of the only few that knows what's going on." He said to himself. Another kunai, this one nicking his ear

"Say, what do you mean your dango anyways?" Naruto continued as though it hadn't happened at all. Anko huffed again. "Che, like someone like you would care." She said in a disapproving voice. Naruto just raised an eyebrow. "Someone like me? What do you mean by that?" Naruto replied indignantly.

"What I mean is, YOU ATE ALL MY DANGO!" She shouted as she hurled another volley of kunai at him, these ones all missing. (She's purposely missing him if your wondering) Naruto just gave her an odd look. "I'm...sorry?" He said weakly. Anko got a nasty gleam in her eye at his statement.

"Oh no, you're not anywhere NEAR sorry enough, but your gonna be kid." Anko said sadisticly as she began to sharpen her kunai. Naruto however seemed oblivious, the rope he was tied to swinging gently in the breeze. "So...I take it you like dango a lot then?" The question, although obvious, seemed to have an effect on the woman, and not the usual where she threw something at him.

"Why yes, I do infact enjoy dango, so much so, that I have to end you for eating it all, and robbing me of it for a week!" Anko said in an overtly sweet tone that betrayed her feelings towards the blonde.

"Okay, now hold on a minute! What do you mean I robbed you of your dango?! I bought all my things fair and square!" Naruto retorted indignantly. Anko however felt differently. "While that's true, I don't care! I need my dango to get through the week! _'And a couple gallons of sake.' _She added inside her head. "Because of your sudden decision to binge at my shop, they won't be able to restock for a week! A week that I can't eat my favorite food!"

The dull thunks of kunai on the wall behind him signaled the end of Anko's rant, though Naruto doubted she'd let him down anytime soon. "Look, I can see that you really enjoy your dango and all, but face facts, what's done is done, there is no dango and beating me senseless won't change a thing." Naruto's surprisingly mature response ended. Anko took a contemplative pose for a moment.

-before shrugging and hurling another kunai at him. "Ya, I guess your right, but I still feel better throwing things at you until the shop restocks." Anko said non-chalantly. Naruto sweat dropped. "How about I buy you all the dango you want when it restocks?" He asked. Anko seemed to stall throwing her next kunai.

"Alright, fine then, but you also have to cover my expenses for the next week to compensate, and if you leave the village I'll have to kill you." Anko said with her arms crossed and eyes closed. "WHAT?! NO WAY!" Naruto shouted indignantly. Anko smiled widely. "Okay, hang there until you drop then." She said as she turned a corner and walked off. Naruto didn't like this situation at all, but he had to admit, getting down was a first priority, and the rope she had him in would take forever to wriggle out of.

"Alright, fine then, I guess that's alright." Naruto said grudgingly said, drawing her attention back to him. Anko nodded, before flicking her wrist and letting fly a kunai at him again. Though this time the kunai instead cut the rope Naruto was attached to, sending him careening into the earth. Standing up dazed, he decided to ask a more obvious question. "So...whats your name anyways?"

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Much later, Naruto found the idea of hanging upside down for three hours a lot more appealing than what he was doing right now.

...Carrying Anko's bags, bags he had bought with his own money. Anko had made it quite clear that she was going to take full advantage of his hospitality, making him buy several sets of weapons, none of which were on sale, some new clothes, including a set of trench coats, new fishnet clothing, and new underwear.

Very revealing undergarments, from what Naruto could vaguely make out from the box tops. Of course he had to carry all of it, Anko enforcing her 'I can kill you with just one look' powers on him. Poor little, technically unkillable, extreme badass, obviously loaded from all the packages, him. Yes, he truly had the smallest piece of pie in this situation. (I...like...pie!)

Naruto partially wondered why he kept doing what she wanted, despite the fact that her only threat was she'd kill him. Something that wasn't technically possible. Maybe she had him hypnotized or something. Either way, he was stuck with her for a week, so he might as well get used to the fact his wallet would be a hella' lot lighter.

"Well, this is my house, you can hand those things to me." Anko said as she indicated to an apartment building. Naruto hastily agreed, handing the bags right to her. Though to his momentary surprise, the bags burst into smoke a moment later.

Anko grinned like a cat that had just eaten a canary as she curled up the summoning scroll she had put all the things in. Naruto looked wide eyed at her, his fists twitching violently. _'She...didn't actually...need me to carry them...' _He thought to himself, not quite believing what she had done. Anko however acted as though she hadn't noticed.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow. I should have a list next time, so bring some extra cash, you runt." She said happily as she bounded up the stairs that led to the apartment doors. All Naruto got out was "Uuuh?" Before she was inside with a snap.

Naruto stood there in silence for a moment, before falling to his knees and raising his hands in the air. "WHY?! WHY GOD WHY?!" Before pounding his fists into the cement. He needed something to take his mind off his current predicament, something that was soothing. Then his memory jogged. "The hot spring!" He shouted in glee, bounding off at high speeds. Needless to say, several locals were rather freaked out by this display.

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"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Naruto cried happily as he layed in the smoking hot waters of the bath-house. To hide his face, he had wrapped a towel around it, as to hide his identity for no particular reason. The water felt really good, he thought, especially after being pushed into such a position like this.

Naruto smiled widely behind the towel as he lay back. This was exactly what he needed, an empty, warm bath, with nothing, not a thing to interrupt his me time. Sadly however, Naruto ran into a slight problem. As he closed his eyes to shut out any possible distraction from his temporary relaxation, he heard it.

A giggle. The giggle of someone peeking.

_'Eh, whatever, not like one perverts gonna change the world.' _Naruto thought as he tried to shut it out. He couldn't however, as he heard it again. The giggling. _'I'm sure whoever it is will be done soon.' _Giggle. _'Okay, starting to get __indecent__ now, but I'm sure whoever it is will soon leave.' _There was a pause.

...Then a giggle.

_'Okay, perhaps this person isn't going to leave soon.' _Naruto thought to himself. "Giggle." The voice said again. _"__Their__ dead.' _Naruto concluded as he stood up in a towel and looked over the top of the fence.

At the far side of the opposite wall, sat a man. His hair hung down to his rear, white as snow and spiky. He let out a small giggle, making Naruto's annoyance grow tenfold. "OI! YOU! Peeping tom! Those women can't be that entertaining, so stop giggling!" Naruto shouted loudly, making the man jump in surprise.

Several squeals were heard behind the wall the man sat in front of, cries of "Curse these insufferable perverts and there constant need to stare at our soaping wet chests as we lay about in our baths half naked, I shall never again come to this bathhouse, for fear of my privacy being invaded!"

Although this was pretty much cut out by the cries of "LECHERS!", "#$ING PERV'S!" And "Snoopy, I'm naked, shield me!"

When the silence finally came, Naruto smiled to himself as the perv seemed to deflate. Hoping down from his fence, Naruto layed back and prepared to find some inner relaxation. He sadly got none however, as a crash was heard, before some long, icky..._Thing _wrapped around his torso and wrenched him through the hole in the wall.

Sent crashing into a barrel, Naruto could only slightly register the pervert from before standing on a giant toad, grinning like an idiot. Naruto feared that perhaps he had hit his head on something...

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**Well, that was interesting. PEANUT BUTTER!**

**Sorry the update was so slow, been writing for cutting strings you see, and I wanted to take a break from it, especially after the slightly less satisfactory sannin battle (Little tip, people don't really want the same battle they get on television, with only minimal changes). I hope you enjoyed the humour, it is a little random and out there, but hey, so is pretty much everything else I write.**

**Booya.**

**I have grave news for all. School will be starting soon, meaning updates will be slower than usual (If they weren't slow enough right?). I know, but I can't well drop out, otherwise all the phsycologists that said I won't amount to anything will be right, and I hate smug phsyciatrists. And also, my beta is now going to college, so spelling mistake's will be on the up, at least until I get a new beta.**

**Review, or you make it sad, and when it sad, it get crazy. And no one wants a crazy it, especially if it knows where you live. Wink wink. **

**P.S. If I actually knew where you lived, I'd send you a gift basket...Full of worms! BWAH HA HA! I ate a pound of suger, and a gallon of coffee before writing this, YEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! CHICKEN IS HIGH IN FAT, AND SO IS WALRUS! **


	5. The pervert, the murder, and the kitten

**Oh god...I'M COMING DOWN!!!!!**

**Hello there, I are being the backest to giveth you da shiznit that you be dezirin. Or if that doesn't make any sense, here's a new chapter of Jashin for ya.**

**That's pretty much it; I'm lazy right now. **

**READ, OR I SHALL...No, wait, still to lazy. And still coming down, such a shame.**

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"Honestly, kids theses days need to know when not to butt in." The white haired man spoke down to the K.O.'d Naruto, who was currently looking up at him while slightly dazed. Standing up slowly, thanking whatever force that had kept his towel still attached to his waste, the blonde gave the pervert a glare that some would've found shocking for a boy his age to give.

The giant toad that stood under the man suddenly burst into smoke, making Naruto jump back in alarm. The geezer that had been standing on top of it hopped down, and quizzically looked at the blonde, that was at this still glaring at him. "What, you never seen someone as handsome as me?" The old-guy said, smiling at Naruto in a rather creepy manner.

Naruto's rebuttal was instant.

In the form of a fist to the head.

"URUSAI! What the hell do you think your doing, putting me through a wall eh?!" Naruto shrieked indignantly. The guy on the other hand looked offended at his rebuttal. "Boy, do you have any idea who I am?! I am the great toad sage, master of the ladies and world-renowned author, JIRAIYA! SHOW SOME FREAKIN' RESPECT!"

Naruto gave him an incredulous look. "Your an author? Yeah right, what do you write, dim store smut?" Naruto said under his towel. The now named Jiraiya raised an eyebrow at the blonde's question.

"You honestly don't know who I am, do you?" He said, his raised eyebrow now twitching slightly. Naruto just continued to glare at him. "Here then, this may jog your memory." Jiraiya said as he reached behind his back and produced a small red covered book, the book titled "Icha Icha: Paradise."

A small wind blew as Jiraiya continued to brandish the book in front of his face, grinning gleefully. "See, I knew you'd recognize my book. This absolutely astounding novel is even known by children and adults. I truly am a god!" Jiraiya shouted to the heavens. Naruto on the other hand didn't look as amused.

"Yeah, I've read that book..." Naruto said softly. Jiraiya gave a thumbs up, in a much more cheerful posture. "AND?! Wasn't it just divine?! Honestly, praise from someone so young is quite a sur-"

"I didn't like it." Naruto finished, walking back through the hole his body had made, cannonballing back into the water, leaving behind an utterly surprised Jiraiya.

Regaining himself, Jiraiya marched swiftly over to the onsen Naruto sat in, gripping the boy by the towel he was still wearing, and plopping him down on the ground. "What's the big idea?!" Naruto shouted again. "All I want IS A FREAKIN' BATH!"

"What do you mean you didn't like it?" Jiraiya said in an overly serious tone. Naruto however was totally unaffected. "I didn't enjoy it." He said snootily. Jiraiya wasn't satisfied.

"You're going to stand here and tell me why you didn't enjoy it, just so I can point out what's wrong with your evidence." He said slowly. Naruto did so gladly. "It wasn't very interesting." He said with a shrug. Jiraiya's face turned bright red in anger, reminding Naruto strongly of a tomato.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WASN'T INTERESTING?!" His bellow attracted the heads of several young girls, all of whom looked away quickly, as there now blushing faces had landed on the practically naked Naruto. Speaking of which...

"Well, for one thing, there weren't any fight scenes." Naruto said smugly. Jiraiya sweat dropped, his angering going out with a poof. "...There...Weren't any...Fight scenes..." He said slowly. Naruto nodded. "Yeah, there were none in there that I could find, granted I did skim most of the chapters."

Jiraiya was still stuck on Naruto's earlier comment. "There weren't...any...Fight scenes."

"Also, the romance stuff was really unrealistic. Honestly, Miko actually agreeing to join that threesome? Not in this universe. Most of it was to unrealistic for me to actually get interested in." Naruto said softly, actually thinking about what he was saying. Jiraiya looked at him incredulously.

"Unrealistic? If its so unrealistic, why is it marked as number one on the book charts, and is considered one of the greatest pieces of literature of all time?" Jiraiya said, smirking. Naruto was quick to answer.

"No idea. Why is it that people will continue to think something, if they've been proven wrong on more than one occasion? Why do we bother with questions we cannot answer, like if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? And more importantly, why am I bothering asking you this, as its quite obvious that you know little about what I'm talking about." Naruto's speech ended abruptly.

Jiraiya was slightly surprised at the sudden shift of the teen. He'd moved from generally disgruntled to some sort of guru. It was confusing.

The hermit decided to get to know this odd kid, though his earlier comments had cheesed him off. "Hey...Kid, what's your name?" The perv asked with squinted eyes. Naruto however was now back in his 'I'm young, and I'm angry. Don't like it? WHATEVA'!' Mode. "Why should I tell you, you old coot!"Jiraiya's eyebrow twitched. He was not in the mood to deal with a punk like this.

"Fine then you little brat, I have places to be anyways." Jiraiya said huffily, walking off, his head held high as though he was a king.

Naruto just stood there confused for a moment, before shrugging, and high-tailing back to the still steaming waters of the hot spring.

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_"Oi, can I stop soon?!" The boys voice rang out at a high octave, catching the attention of a cloaked figure on a rock at the far end of the clearing._

_The person, possibly male, trekked over, and looked down at the child who was in the process of moving a boulder three or four times his size. "What do you mean stop, you've barely moved it a few yards!" The masculine voice said under the shadows of his hooded cloak._

_The child scowled. "This things heavy though! How do you expect me to move it?!" The boy said, giving an example as he tried to shove the boulder, though it didn't budge an inch. "This thing weighs a ton!"_

_The man stood there silently for a moment, before turning to walk away. Under his breath, the boy said "Slave driver."_

_The man stopped in his tracks, before turning back to the now pushing child. "Slave driver, am I?" He said coldly, not loud enough for the boy to hear._

_"GGGAAAAHHHHHH!" The child screamed in agony as his right arm was sent sailing away from his now bleeding stump of a shoulder. Hot tears ran down his face as he cradled the wound. "I'm still waiting for you to move that boulder." The man's voice rang out from behind the child as he walked away. _

Naruto shot up from his bed, his face covered in perspiration, his chest heaving up and down. His eyes scanned the hotel he was staying at, turning to the dim light given off by the window. His breathing slowed slowly.

Whipping a hand across his forehead, he sighed heavily. "Just a dream." He told himself, as he shifted over in his bed, his shirtless back cold against the night air. Lying back down, he attempted to fall into a fitful sleep.

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The next morning, Naruto felt more energized, despite the night's restless slumber. Walking along the cobbled sections of Konoha's more rundown district, he let his feat wander in the direction he intended, the Hokage's monument.

Walking up the catwalks, the maze of stairs and platforms winding the contours of the mountain, Naruto wasn't even winded when he reached the top of the monument. The rising suns rays cast against the sky made him smile, though under the ever-present bandages it was unforeseen.

It was nice, up there, nothing to trouble ones mind, nothing to distract him from the contrasting oranges and reds conjured up by the ball of shining yellow gases. It was, in all honesty, the most peaceful moment of Naruto's life.

Sadly, it was short lived, as the bustle of life pulsed below, people began to open shops, life starting for another day. It was odd for Naruto, to see the hustle and bustle of the village. It was very different from the other places he'd visited so far.

Mizugakure, Kusagakure and parts of Iwagakure were places he'd visited so far, though non-pulsed with the life Konohagakure had, none of them had the spirit that radiated. It was almost sad comparing them.

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One long trek down the cat-walks again, and Naruto was on the streets, his mood since the nightmare drastically improved. The air smelled of sweet bread, and various deliciousness. Children ran and played there was life.

Then, as he walked through an ally to who knows where, his nose caught a scent. Blood.

Scanning the ground, he didn't find the source. It was faint though, somewhere up high, judging from the wind. Hopping up to the top of the building, he scanned the rooftops, looking for anything that shouldn't have been there. He found it, three people, and in between them, a corpse.

Naruto's pulse spiked violently as his eyes spotted the form of a man, dressed in shinobi garb, lying on the ground in between the three people. His eyes didn't move, though his heart began to quicken, as a twitch developed on his brow.

_'I need to calm down. Probably get out of here.' _Naruto thought to himself as he turned to leave, but as he took the step to leave, a presence that was all consuming almost swallowed him whole.

Like a voice, it called in the back of his head. The need for life to end, the want for destruction. That voice, ever hounding, was _his _voice. The thing Naruto hated but needed. The beast, the devil, the god...Jashin.

Wrenching his eyes away, he hopped down to one of the alleys, luckily unnoticed by the ANBU ninja. He was thankful for that, he'd been having a rough couple days, this little problem just one on the long list. He seriously needed a pick-me-up. Spotting the ramen shop he'd stopped into, meeting that Iruka guy, he decided to step in for a moment.

The owner regarded him with surprise, and happiness. "Oi! Ayami! He's back, fire up the pots!" The Old Man shouted as he rang his hand in anticipation for this obviously large meal coming up. "Sorry oji-san, only one large bowl of miso ramen please, I'm not in the mood for much." The normally quite happy boy said. Teuchi seemed to flatten like a balloon, shouting behind him "False alarm!"

Three minutes later, Naruto dug in slowly to his bowl, savoring the taste. It was disturbing for the older man to see the boy so down like this, the day before he was hopping mad!

Deciding to play the father figure, he sat down across the child and gave him a light bop on the head. Naruto's noggin bobbed up in surprise at the mans actions, a short squawk of "What was that for?!" escaping his lips.

"What the hells up with you?" The man asked bluntly. Sweat dropping a little at his bluntness, Naruto inquired uncertainly "What do you mean?" The old man was quick to answer. "You come in here fine not the day before, and suddenly you come in the next day, and you're all depressed! What the heck happened to you my boy?"

Naruto was silent for a moment, before answering. "I've just been...Under the weather since I stepped in." He said. That was part of the truth, a little at least. The chef nodded, his old eyes squinted in thought.

Grasping some of his old wisdom, the man chose his words carefully. "Young man, there are always gonna be moments when your down and sad, but if you remember one thing, these moments will mean nothing. Always remember, at some point all those bad times are gonna end, and when they do, your going to be the happiest person on earth. It just can take a while, that's all."

Naruto nodded in understanding, those wise words on par with his speech the other day. "Arigato, oji-san. I needed that." The old guy nodded. "Now run along, go do something that'll make you happier. I can't stand that look on your face." He said.

Naruto nodded, and with a fantastic "WWWWHHOOOOPPPA!" He ran off at top speeds.

It was only after that, that the old man realized he had forgotten to take Naruto's money for the ramen.

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Jiraiya's lecherous grin was plastered right across his face as he kept his eyes trained on the latest target of his new novel; a young, exotic kunoichi that had all the right assets in all the right areas.

She trekked along under him as he kept his eyes trained on her 'assets', drooling slightly. The woman had the oddest dress code, one that reminded Jiraiya of a cross between Ibiki, the interrogator of Konoha whom he was well acquainted with, and a seductress.

Her purple hair was quite captivating, and as Jiraiya scribbled in his notebook, he was a little curious as to what she was looking for. He'd spotted the woman in the streets not half an hour ago, and had followed her for a while, totally unnoticed thanks to his ninja training. He was thankful that she was only a Tokubetsu Jounin, otherwise she might have spotted him, and given him quite a beating.

Still though, he'd found it odd that she'd walk every couple blocks, swivel her head around, as though she was looking for someone, and then walk in some random direction.

His attention was drawn away from his musings however as his target suddenly sped off at high speeds, in the direction of an intersection a few blocks away. Tucking his notepad away, the hermit ran along the rooftops, careful not to draw attention to him self. After all, it wasn't everyday he saw a woman with such captivating beauty. He just wasn't sure how to introduce himself to her...

He stopped at a corner on a rooftop, and gazed down at the intersection, where the woman had just tackled someone. He couldn't get quite a good look at whoever it was, but from the looks of it, the person was of short stature. The woman crawled off the squashed shortly, and Jiraiya got a good look at him.

His heart stopped a beat as he realized who it was; the kid from the onsen, the one that had interrupted his research. Was talking to the buxom woman as though he knew her. The woman laughed suddenly, a high, flighting laugh that make Jiraiya's heart flutter slightly. She was going to have a whole freakin' chapter to herself as soon as he gathered some more information; like her personality for one thing.

His books were after all based on real life. Sorta. Just mixed up a little.

This kid could be his ticket however, to possibly one of his best writings yet.

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"You couldn't have left me alone for a day?" Naruto said, sighing heavily. Anko just smiled her smile. "And miss a chance to make you poorer? Not now, not ever." She said skipping along as Naruto walked farther behind, sulking at the prospect of spending more money.

A presence made itself known to him a moment before he was suddenly dragged into an ally, a hand over his mouth to silence him. Trying to wrench away from the perpetrators grip, a harsh whisper said in his ear "Stop struggling, I need to talk to you."

Naruto recognized the voice immediately; the pervert from the onsen, Jiraiya.

"Now, I'm going to take my hand off your mouth, and your going to answer my questions. 'K?" Naruto shook his head in conjunction to his question. "If you say no, I hang you upside down and dunk you in the garbage can over there until you agree." Naruto's nodding slowed, before he grudgingly nodded.

"Good." Setting the boy down, and thankful that Anko hadn't noticed, Jiraiya didn't stop for a moment. "I want you to introduce me to that woman your so well acquainted with."

Dead silence. Totally, dead silence. Naruto just looked at him wide-eyed for a moment, before he began to chuckle. This chuckling grew to light laughter, that turned to normal laughter, then full blown hysterical laughter. By the end of it, Naruto sounded a little like this: "BBBBBWWWWUUUHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT THE F$# ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU OLD FART?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHA...hahahahah...ha...ha...ha..." Naruto finished.

Jiraiya's eyebrow was twitching a little by the end of it.

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Down the block, Anko continued to skip along, unaware of the fact that her money ticket was currently in an ally a little off.

Suddenly, she stopped, and looked around for a moment. "Where'd Naruto go?" She looked around again, only to have her eyes land on a tiny kitten. Squealing in a high pitch, she picked it up and began to snuggle with it, her previous question long gone from her head.

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"Okay, so let me get this straight, you want me to introduce you to Anko-baka, because you have the hots for her." Naruto said slowly. Jiraiya nodded at them, his lecherous grin just barely hidden.

"What crack are you on, and where can I get some." Naruto said sarcastically, making Jiraiya sweat-drop. "What, is there something wrong with asking a friend introduce him to a beau-"

"One, I'm not your friend, I never was, and will never be. Two, what makes you think that'd I'd ever even CONSIDER doing you a solid?" Naruto scoffed.

Jiraiya pondered for a moment. "Well, I could give you money." He said. Naruto raised his eyebrow. "There isn't enough on this planet that you could give me that would ever make me consider helping you." He said coldly. Jiraiya huffed. "Okay then, if I can't convince you with that, how about...A jutsu?" Jiraiya said in his ear. Naruto stiffened. "Your telling me that you'd willing tell me a technique that you know, just to introduce you to someone I don't even like?" Naruto said. Jiraiya nodded.

"What the hell am I gonna do with that?!" Naruto said, making Jiraiya face fault. "What do you mean that you wouldn't need it?!" He shot right back.

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"KITTENS ARE CUDDLY!" Anko cheered as she continued to nuzzle into the small and defenseless animal that was now turning slowly blue.

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"I ain't no ninja, so why would I need some ninja attacks? I go by my own tune, I don't need to add yours." Naruto said huffily. Jiraiya threw a rather offended look on his face. "Fine then, you little brat, be that way. Far be it from me to force a minor to learn something from a Sannin!" Jiraiya said hotly.

The silence was deafening as both of them stared stubbornly, before Jiraiya finally caved. "Fine, tell me what it is you want, I really need a star heroine for my next book, and she could very well be the one..." He said grudged. Naruto just gave him an odd look, before growing an evil face.

"Okay, I introduce you to her, and in return, you have to run down the middle of any road I tell you to for the next week, singing about marmalade and butter-scotch." Naruto said. Jiraiya looked at him incredulously. "That's it?" He said brashly. He'd done crazier things on battlefields!

"...Naked..." Naruto added.

Jiraiya paled. "No deal." Naruto however was prepared for this. "Fine then, good luck on your search to find the next unlucky lady for your book." He said, about to walk off. Jiraiya however stopped him.

"Fine you little punk..." He said. Naruto just grinned evilly behind his mask. "Call this pay-back for putting me through a wall." Naruto told him as he exited the ally.

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Elsewhere however, the atmosphere was slightly more dapper; namely, the Hokage's office.

"It is a solemn thing, this news. Orochimaru appears to be far more active than we originally thought." Sarutobi said in a grave voice to the very tense looking Yugao that was standing in front of him. News of her lover's death was a sobering thing, especially considering the fact that it had possibly been dealt by the Sound.

"With all respect Hokage-sama, but I believe the best course of action would be to remove the Sound from the village, perhaps even the Sand. I understand this is rash, but it is very unwise to allow the continued attack on our home." Yugao said in the emotionless tone common to ANBU.

The old man simply blew a smoke ring, sighing slightly. "I have already thought about what your asking, and I'm afraid that the exam must continue. Even if we were to stop it, resulting in severe damage to the treaty's we have with the sand, but Orochimaru has already promised to start the invasion the moment we end the exam."

"I'd think it better that we wait until he makes his move, so we at least have some time to prepare." He finished sagely. Yugao only nodded, her grief hidden under years of training. "I-I still wish to avenge him though." She said, her voice cracking. Sarutobi's face grew soft. He could only imagine the sadness she must have been feeling then, to have lost the one you were engaged to, that was a harsh blow dealt. He knew there was nothing he could do to reconcile the poor woman, but his heart went out to her nonetheless.

"If you need a brake, just give me the word Yugao. You deserve that much." He told her comfortingly. She nodded "I'm afraid I must refuse, there is to much for me to do, what with a massive battle looming." She replied, bowing.

The jiji nodded. "I understand. Now, if this is all the information I am to be informed about, then I must return to my paper-work." He said, indicating to the massive pile on the left of him.

Yugao nodded, turning to leave when she stopped. "Um, actually, Hokage-sama, there is something that I have to deliver to you. Some information that was passed to me by a few hunter-nin." She said, reaching behind her.

From her back pouch, she produced a number of bingo books, small novels that listed the names of ninja to kill on sight. Placing them on the table, she stepped back. The frail hands of the village's leader gripped the one on top, the Iwa bingo book and began to sift through it.

"What exactly am I looking for here?" He asked. He was already affiliated with the current bingo books, although if he had checked the title, he would've noticed that these were the latest out. "Try pages 143-145." Yugao said, hopping to gauge his reaction.

Flipping through the book to the desired page, he stopped to read for a moment. The pipe fell from his mouth as his eyes widened to an exponential level.

On the page, there was a poorly drawn picture of a boy about thirteen to fourteen years old, a boy with blonde hair, blue eyes and a mask of bandages.

Uzumaki Naruto.

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**OH NO I DIDN'T!**

**Yes, I just dropped a cliffy the size of Montana (Everything's big in Montana!)(If anyone from Montana reads this and is offended I am deeply sorry)! HA!**

**The plot thickens, and as it does, there is a question raised: Who should I pair Naruto with? I'm thinking of an unusual pairing, someone you don't really hear a lot. Something out there, though any girl will do. You can vote, though no harem, I have enough to deal with concerning 'Cutting Strings.'**

**I hope this sates all you people that have been waiting for an update; you've waited far to long for me to finally make it. So here it is, sorry if the atmospheres a little jumpy, I gotta work on that.**

**SLLLLLLLUUUUURRRP! AND I'M BACK UP AGAIN! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M GONNA GO PLAY VIDEO GAMES, SOLVE CANCER (tell no one), EAT THE ENTIRE WORLDS SUPPLIE OF NOTHING AND THREATEN YOU WITH SOMETHING THAT MAKES NO SENSE IF YOU DON'T REVIEW! YEEEHAW! I'M AN ARMADILLIO! ZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!**


	6. Scenes

**HHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII THERE!! It's me again!**

**Well, after posting cutting strings and recieving an overall good review, although frankly I have to agree with the small critizism here and there, but that is beside the point, as this is not cutting strings. **

**The new chapter is up, so fasten your seat belts, change your adult diaper, and prepare as our akward yet surprisingly strong teen hero (Or so it would seem) sets out to do...Something... **

**Read my story, OR I SHALL (insert random threat here)! Beware!**

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"This...This just isn't...Possible." The aging Hokage whispered to himself as he sat back in his chair with shock. Naruto's sketched face stared back at his, his piercing blue eyes above a mask of white bandages framed by golden, gravity defying hair.

A frown creased the wrinkling eyebrows of the elderly ninja, his eyes set hard on the image. Turning to the information section of the page, his disbelief soared.

"Yuugao, this...What is the meaning of all this?" He said, reading over the information. 'Naruto, last name unavailable, known as: **Senpuu Karite**, the whirlwind reaper, skill level: N/A, possible A to S rank. Reward for capture, dead or alive, 800 000 yen, wanted in Kusagakure, Mizugakure and Iwagakure for the deaths of 27 N 52 C, 17 N 68 C, 78 N 142 C. Kill on sight, do not hesitate, psychopathic in nature, High Taijutsu, average Ninjutsu, weak Genjutsu.

N: For ninja, C: For civilians.

The Hokage felt fairly sick at that last part.

"Have you already read this over?" He asked the ANBU before him, his nausea spiking slightly. She simply nodded in response.

"It is shocking to think that despite all of the fourth's sacrifice's for the boys sake, he goes and disappears, and comes back after all this time, only to be a monster like this." Yuugao muttered bitterly, Sarutobi nodding gravely at her words.

"So, what do you plan to do about all this Hokage-sama?" Yuugao addressed in an honoring tone. Sitting forwards a little as the shock of this new information loosened its hold on him, the fire-shadow sat forward in his recliner.

"First off, if this boy has in fact been spotted near the village, we'll need to prepare our defense's. I want half of the Jounin sent out to find him returned, while the others remain. If we can, have most of the Jounin who are either recovering or on vacation taken back, excluding yourself, as well as the Jounin who have students to train, and a few minor exceptions."

"Your referring to _her._..Right?" Yuugao pressed.

The elderly ninja nodded. "Anko has been rather shaken up by her encounter with Orochimaru, and she is also needed later, when he makes his move. She'll be able to plan the best defense against him, as she knows him better then even I myself. To do so, she'll need some time to recover."

Yuugao nodded. "I'll relay the message." She turned to walk away.

Sarutobi turned towards the window that overlooked the village. "Wherever you are Jashin, you monster, I'll find you, and when I do, I will stop whatever horrifying thing you have planned for this village. Whatever twisted evil you have up your sleeve, the great tree of Konoha will stand tall and mighty in its wake..." He spoke in a whisper.

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"MARMALADE!" Jiraiya shouted to high heaven as he tore down the street at high speeds, his naked glory shone out for the whole world to see. _'DAMN THAT NARUTO BOY, DAMN MY INFERNAL PERVERSION, AND DAMN INSANELY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN THAT I'LL DO ANYTHING TO GET NEAR!!' _Jiraiya sobbed in the confines of his head, as he streaked past a large group of woman coming out of a bathhouse.

Over at a small restaurant, Naruto snickered as the looked back at his meal, his revenge making the ramen taste that much sweeter. Anko sat beside him, her face etched in grotesque horror at the pervert's sudden and unexplainable actions.

"What the hell was that about?" She asked to no one in particular, but she received no reply, the other occupants of the food eatery were as shocked as she was. No one noticed Naruto snicker manically. "I'm-hehe-not really sure, maybe he just likes the breeze." Naruto's comment conjuring images that made Anko want to gag.

Which she did, making Naruto's smile grow in greater size. _'That's for making me buy all that shit for you.' _Naruto thought coldly, remembering the large amount of material possessions he'd been forced to buy her the day before, as well as the severe lightening of his wallet. Yes, revenge was his now, on both Anko and Jiraiya.

"Oi, what's up with the look?" Anko inquired as noticed the malicious joy on Naruto's face.

"Huh? Oh, ya, everything's fine right now, its all good." Naruto chuckled uncomfortably. Anko gave him an incredulous look, before rolling her eyes and turning back to her meal.

Naruto sighed heavily, before doing the same.

_'Just think, two more days, and I can finally stop paying for every damn thing she wants! GAMA-CHAN REJOICE!' _Naruto snickered to himself, his luck finally starting to improve. Once his dept was paid off, he'd head for lightning country, he'd heard all about the 'Cloud Appreciation' festival, and from the sounds of it, it would be a ball.

A tap on his shoulder alerted him of the buxom purple-headed woman beside him. Knowing full well what she wanted, he simply handed her the money for the meal.

A _'ching'_ followed by a "Domo Arigatou miss!" Was heard as Anko cashed in the money. Naruto just continued to eat, his own meal not finished, it was his third helping of udon, although he was peckish about the dish, it wasn't as good as that ramen stuff. "Oi, Naruto." Anko said towards him, making his irritation go up a little.

"What?" He asked, adding an edge to his voice. Anko huffed. "Fine then, I just wanted to ask something, but since you're so snippy, I guess you don't actually want to know what it is." Her voice spoke in a high tone, as though she was addressing a naughty child.

Naruto didn't bother replying, simply choosing to ignore her, which of course was a bad idea. "Oi, don't ignore me, you little prick!" Anko hissed, although this was only met with indifference. "Fine then, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me to the Chuunin exams in a few weeks, but hey, whateva."

Naruto's ears pricked upwards. "The what?" He asked. Anko gave him a look.

"Your serious, aren't you?" She was met with silence for the third time that day. Anko sighed. "Okay, every six months, there's an exam held for Genin that tests their abilities, and see if there ready to be Chuunin. This exam is in three parts, the final of which is a grand fighting tournament, one on one.

"Every time its our turn to host the exam, as each country takes turns to hold the exam at there respective ninja villages, we hold it at the great Chuunin exam stadium, where they battle in front of an audience of hundreds. I was wondering, since you've been loaning me a lot lately, if you wanted to come, as, well, you know, as a thank you." Anko ended, a tiny blush on her face.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What...You mean like a...Date or something?" He laughed a little as Anko, who walked around in nothing but a trench coat and wire mesh, grew an insanely large blush and became flustered a little. "N-no, nothing like that, its just a little thank you is all!"

Naruto contemplated for a brief moment. _'On the one hand, I'd have to stay in this village and Lightning country will have to wait, but on the other hand, I can see this exam, which I've never seen before.' _

"What the hell, alright, fine then, I'll go." Naruto said, before standing up. "I gotta go, I need to go secure a room to stay in, if that's the case." He said, before leaving with a wave.

Anko remained at the stand, still finishing her udon. _'It can't be a date, can it? I mean, sure, he's nice, but he's far too young! What is he, like thirteen?! There's no way I could ever like someone that young!' _Despite this statement, the large blush Anko sported really contradicted that last thought.

Up on the roof of the restaurant, the still very naked Sannin cackled to himself. _'Forget best chapter ever, this novels going to be a MASTERPIECE!' _ He cackled.

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Naruto, by nature, was a very absent person. Some could mistake this for stupidity; these people were making a fairly large mistake. He was by no means stupid, quite the contrary in fact. It was just he didn't really care what happened around him, as he was, well, absent.

So it came to no surprise to him, that he had wandered for maybe an hour, when a loud thump was heard from a little while away. Unknown to Naruto, he had wandered into a training ground, where one Hyuuga Hinata was currently pounding the hell out of a mat attached to a stump.

Said girl was pissed. Not an overall shocking occurrence considering her attitude towards life, but still, she was angrier then normal. Her cousin, Neji, whom was supposedly a prodigy the likes of which the Hyuuga hadn't seen in a long time, was whom she was going to be battling in the finals. The stuck up pretty boy had a tendency to tick her off this morning.

He had the GAUL to tell her up front, to forfeit the match the first chance she got. Neji, in an act of 'Good-will' (She gave the mat a particularly hard smack at that point) had told her, in a nut-shell, that if she didn't forfeit the match, he'd not only attempt to outright _kill _her, but he also threatened to tell one of his teammates she liked him.

She could only imagine the horror at that. She'd seen his team, and the only other guy on it creeped the hell out of her. That SICK BASTARD!

"Wow, you must really hate mats!" A particularly annoying voice spoke-up behind her. Whirling around, her Byakugan surging to life, Hinata fixed the intruder with a death-glare that would have scared even the most cold-blooded killer.

"Wow, you should have your eyes looked at, those veins could be tumors..." Unfortunately, even the most cold-blooded killer wasn't as oblivious as Uzumaki Naruto. Hinata's glare intensified, but Naruto just smiled under his bandages. "You shouldn't glare so much, people might get the idea you're an anti-social jerk or something."

Hinata growled. "Leave me alone, you cloak wearing freak. I have training to do, and I don't need an idiot to distract me. I have plans." Turning away, Hinata proceeded to continue where she had left off, pounding the shit out of a mat.

Naruto stood behind her, watching for a moment, before he sighed. "Your doing it wrong." Hinata stopped for a moment.

"I beg your pardon, but I think that the day I take directions from a civilian, is the day the world ends," she hissed venomously.

Naruto gave her an odd look. "Okay, but your still doing it wrong. Your technique is off." Hinata threw her arms down to her sides, turning on the blonde.

"You wouldn't know a good technique if it slapped you across the face!" To emphasize her point, Hinata threw a flat palm forwards, smacking Naruto painfully in the face, sending a small burst of chakra out to add extra pain. "There, name the technique I used, PRICK!" She huffed, before turning back and continuing her training. Naruto sat on the ground opposite her, blinking several times before standing up.

"Well that's an easy one, I've seen this type of Jutsu a million times!"

Hinata gave a start at that. "You...what?"

Turning around, Naruto sent her a large grin. "Ya, sure, this move, I could identify the name of in an instant."

"Realllly? Okay, fine, what's its name?" Hinata spread her arms out to emphasize her point.

"Easy! It's a trick question, because the technique you used was so horribly done, it can't possibly have a name! What was the answer?" Naruto didn't have time to dodge as a fist impacted his face, sending him rolling away from the now fuming Hinata.

"SHUT UP! GOD, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE?!"

Sitting up, Naruto never stopped smiling. "Ya, see, that's what I was talking about before, the whole "LEAVE" thing, it gives the feeling you don't want me around."

"GGRRRAAAW! YES, THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT! LEAVE YOU FREAK!" Naruto raised an eyebrow, losing the large smile.

"Well that's crazy, why would anyone--WANT SOMEONE AS LOVABLE AS ME TO GO AWAY!?" He shot up, striking a pose.

"FINE! You don't want to leave, then make yourself useful!" Standing up, Naruto gave her another odd look.

"Useful?? But I already have so many uses! I can cook, clean, I'm a decent film critic, as well as a top-notch salesman, and I have even more uses! What use did you have in mind?" Hinata gave a quick smack to her face, dragging it down at his sheer clueless ness.

"I need a moving target, and you seem pretty good at taking pain. All you need to do is try and avoid getting hit, and I try to hit you." Tilting his head to the side, Naruto thought for a moment.

"I don't know…I still have to secure a house to stay in for the next while." Hinata's eyebrow started to quack at that.

"FINE! Tell you what, if I can't land a single blow on you, I'll, I don't know, find you a place to stay." However, in her head _'I'm the Hyuuga Heiress, heir to the Hyuuga clan! I'm one of the strongest, not to mention fastest. No freakin' way this guy can avoid every attack I throw at him, especially if he can't avoid a simple punch I throw at him. I get a free punching bag, and I hurt an annoying kid. Everybody wins.'_

"Weeeeeeeelll...alright! But only because you insisted!" Dusting himself off, Naruto struck a pose. "I'm ready when you are!" Hinata would have given him an evil grin, but withheld herself. She'd just sit back, and enjoy pounding the crap out of him.

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"Wow, your really bad at this." Naruto chided, shaking his head. Across from him stood the currently fuming Hinata Hyuuga, whose face was flushed with either exhaustion or pure anger.

"Well I wouldn't be so bad at this IF YOU'D JUST STAND STILL!" Heaving a breath, she couldn't stand this anymore. For the last half hour, she'd tried vainly, using every technique at her disposal, to freakin' hit him, all of which had failed miserably. At the last second, just before hitting him, she'd miss, he'd side step suddenly, or he simply stepped backwards. It didn't help she was still very frustrated.

"You know, you should probably take a break, you seem pretty sweaty, wearing a parka while training." Naruto suggested.

"SHUT UP!"

Launching forwards, Hinata sent multiple punches towards him, all of which he avoided as though she was standing still. "You should put your arm into it more, not just your weight."

"SHUT UP!" Hinata threw her entire body into an unorthodox fist, although it only served to unbalance her, sending her rolling to the ground, away from the cloaked blonde. Blinking in surprise a couple times, Naruto trekked over to Hinata, who lay on the ground, panting. "You okay down there?" Hinata's response was to wave an arm weakly at his direction, trying vainly to strike him.

Plopping on the floor, Naruto proceeded to poke her in the stomach several time with a stick, before he got bored with that. "You know, if I could suggest something-"

"Go...screw...yourself..." Hinata gasped out, though it didn't seem to faze him.

"I think it would be a better idea _not _to wear a hooded sweater in the middle of summer while fighting a guy."

Lying on the ground, She slowly sat up. "If I do that, will you shut the hell up?" She asked raggedly.

Putting his thumb and index finger to his chin, Naruto grew a thoughtful pose. "Ya, alright."

In a flash, Hinata tore it off, before diving at Naruto, throwing several blows. Ducking under the assault, Naruto rolled to the right, swishing around. Hinata's speed however had nearly doubled, Naruto's suggestion of removing her jacket being the most effective course of action.

_'I-I can keep up!' _Her fists flying, Hinata threw her entire person into hitting him. Her palms just barely missed hitting him, every movement, attack was just behind his dodge. _'I can do this! I can hit the bastard! I CAN WIN! I CAN HIT HIM! I CAN-'_

"Times up." Naruto gave a cheer, causing Hinata to stumble.

"What...what do you meant TIMES UP?!" She cried.

"Look." Pointing towards the sky, Hinata realized it was sundown. "Ya, the skies orange, what does that have to do with anything."

"Simple, I agreed to help you train. As you know, training ends at sundown, as it's unwise to continue to do so in the dark, unless you're doing specific training in said darkness. As such, training is over, and you owe me a place to stay."

Hinata's eye twitched violently. "FINE! Whatever! I'll find you a place to stay."

Picking up her jacket and throwing it on, Hinata took to walking away, Naruto following with a large grin hidden behind his mask of bandages.

A few blocks away, Hinata came to a random apartment. She didn't care if it was occupied, or the rent, she just wanted the annoying blonde that had made her day so much worse to leave her alone. "Here, you can stay in this place. Pick a room, any ones fine." Hinata gave a wave. She was suddenly stopped however as a pair of warm arms enclosed her.

"DOMO-ARIGATOU!" Naruto cheered "Your a real life-saver! It would have taken me hours to find a place, but this one is perfect! The red is definitely my color! Domo-Arigatou!" He laughed as he let go of Hinata, bounding up the wall and flying through a window.

Leaving behind Hinata, whom stood stock still in shock, a massive blush on her face. _'He...just...hugged me.' _Shaking herself violently, she took off to the Hyuuga house; her father would be _concerned _about her lateness.

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"Hokage-sama." Sarutobi's old head looked up. It was the late of the night, though he had stayed behind. "The Kazekage is here to speak with you." Aoi pulled his head from the door, holding it open as the Yondaime Kazekage stepped into his office.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" It was quite obvious that he didn't want to see him then, but the Kazekage ignored it, instead nodding, before sitting down in the chair opposite the wizened old man.

"We have a problem." The Yondaime was in no mood for small talk. "Oh really, and what pray tell, is this problem, and why are you bringing it to me?" The Hokage sent him an annoyed look, though the Kazekage didn't seem to notice. "The problem is the Jinchuuriki."

"Your son, if I'm correct?" The Hokage felt a minute amount of satisfaction at the look of annoyance that crossed the Kazekage's face. "Yes...my _son. _The tournament isn't soon enough. As you know, the Jinchuuriki is the container of the Shukaku, which, although the weakest of the demons, is still very powerful. With each passing day, he becomes less controllable. He is a monster, and the tension of the upcoming battles is going to make him snap."

The Hokage gave him an incredulous look, puffing his pipe. "And you can't handle an adolescent by who can control sand?"

Sarutobi vaguely caught what appeared to be a smile on the Kazekage's face. "If I, my entire Shinobi force, and the entire village militia from Suna were to try and kill Gaara at the same time, we'd all be obliterated. The only reason, if any, that he hasn't killed me yet, is that he doesn't feel it will benefit him. He is a monster."

"And what do you wish of me then, oh shadow of the winds?" Sarutobi's sarcasm went unnoticed.

"I wish for you to move the day of the tournament forwards. I understand this is a large favor, but if you take the risk of making Gaara wait, then there might not BE a village to hold the tournament in. All I ask is you speed things up."

Silence. "Fine then, I will inform the Jounin and send messages to those who will be attending. Just remember, you owe me something for this, and I will expect penitence."

The Kazekage stood. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

Turning, he headed out the door, and into the hallway, where Aoi had left a few moments ago.

Instead of going down to the floor level and moving back to the room he was staying in at the motel down the way, the Yondaime headed down the hall, and up a flight of stairs, to the top floor balcony.

It was deserted, the blue moon casting long shadows on the concrete. Heading to the edge, the Wind Shadow stopped for a moment.

"Do you feel its wise, speeding it up like this?" He asked seemingly no one. From the shadows, materialized a being that could only be described as serpentine. Long black hair, pale white skin, and yellow slitted eyes.

The snake Sannin, Orochimaru.

"Of course. We're already prepared, why wait a whole month? After all, it was simple enough for you to shorten the time." Orochimaru hissed.

"I see. You have seen Gaara's abilities then?" Orochimaru nodded.

"He's everything we could have hoped for. With him, his accursed place will burn."

The Kazekage nodded. "It took some of my pride, but the old man shouldn't suspect a thing."

Orochimaru nodded again. "This should be interesting."

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_"Is this safe?" A small blonde boy, his head encompassed in a yellow sea urchin like haircut asked. _

_A hooded figure across the cliff eyed him, before shaking his head. "Just stop whining and do it!" _

_The boys face grew conflicted. Over a raging river, between two cliffs, was a rope. Swaying in the breeze, it looked particularly treacherous to the boy, whom took a steady foot on it. The rope appeared to hold his weight, only sagging a little._

_Taking another step, the boy leaned slightly to the side as he tried to keep his balance himself. Slowly, he walked. _

_About half way there, the wind picked up. With a cry of surprise, the child fell into the ragging river, swept under the current, coughing and hacking. A pain erupted in his back as something sharp connected with back, dragging him at breakneck speeds out of the water, coughing and hacking onto the cliff-side._

_"That was terrible. Do it again." The figure commanded as the boy slowly stood back, and tried again._

Naruto cracked his eye open as the suns rays cast into his eyelids.

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By now, Naruto had grown rather used to living in Konoha. There wasn't much else for him to see, other then go to the adult district, although Naruto doubted he would. All that was there was women, and frankly Naruto knew what a woman looked like.

Snapping the window of the apartment open, he walked vertically down the face of the building, before turning 90 degrees, to walk on the sidewalk.

Turning, he headed down to where he was to meet Anko for the day. The dango shop had restocked itself by then, much to Anko's happiness, and Naruto's as well, as he now didn't have to pay for everything. He was already down several million ryo.

Walking through the door, he recognized her instantly. She was sitting on a stool opposite a redhead, whom appeared...to be giving her the eye?

_'Huh, never figured ANKO of all people would have to deal with something like that.' _Naruto thought to himself. Grabbing the stool beside her, he caught the attention of the clerk, whom was in the process of trying to swindle Anko into a date. "Excuse me, an order of dango please." The clerk gave him an annoyed look, before consenting.

Leaving the two together.

"So, have you heard the news?" She asked from seemingly nowhere.

"News? When does anything interesting happen in this village?"

She gave him a sideways smirk. "Getting a little bored I see?"

"Ya, I'm a drifter kinda guy. My dream is to see the entire world." Anko nodded.

"Well, you're in luck. The tournaments going to be bumped up for some reason. Its in about three days."

Naruto gave her a blank look. "Wait, for no reason whatsoever, the tournament that was SUPPOSED to be in three weeks, is now in three _days?" _

Anko nodded.

"Well, that's a real time saver, isn't it?" 

"You know, we should celebrate." Naruto gave her a sidelong look as his dango was set in front of him.

"And how-" MUNCH "-pray tell, do you manage to party with a thirteen year old minor?"

Anko's grin made his spine crawl. "Oh, who ever said YOU were the one celebrating?"

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"And that's how...she stole my wallet." Naruto's head hung low as Jiraiya sipped on his sake.

"Bummer. So she actually tackled you, breast to face wise, and in the scuffle, grabbed your wallet, and ran off."

"Ya."

A series of violent scribbling noises was heard, accompanied with Jiraiya's voice muttering things along the lines of "Oh...that's perfect...change the ending a little...and their in a bathhouse...hot..." Naruto's eyebrow twitched violently, before he rammed his fist into the top of Jiraiya's head.

"THIS IS SERIOUS! What am I gonna do without money?!"

Jiraiya smoothed his hair out. "How the hell should I know, I can barely tolerate being around you!"

"So then why do you hang around with me? My magnetic personality? My good looks? The fact that I question your sexuality every moment I get?"

Jiraiya 's eyebrow twitched violently. "Actually...its because your, for some odd reason, a magnet for beautiful women, and absolutely genius erotic moments."

"Oh come-on, that is a complete exaggeration." Jiraiya gave him a blank look.

"You're surrounded by scandalously clad women fawning over you, feeding you grapes, whilst bowing to your every whim. WHAT PART OF THAT ISN'T EROTIC?!"

Naruto grew a perplexed look. "I am?" Swiveling his head around, Naruto looked deeply into the eyes of several...well, what Jiraiya said.

"Huh...so I am. I guess your right. Pass me another grape Jizzel."

"Of course Naruto-sama. Anything for you." She cooed, putting another grape through a hole in his bandages, into his mouth. The other women giggled.

"How on earth do you get in these situations?" Jiraiya asked as his hands scribbled away.

"Oh, the answer to that is simple." Naruto swallowed another grape, the others giggling again.

"Its cuz I'm smexy." They burst into another fit of giggles.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! That's enough! Come-on, I have some thing's I want to discuss with you." Standing up, Jiraiya put his scroll back on. "Follow me, I want to talk to you-"

"In private." Walking down the way, he turned a corner.

Leaving Naruto with the large crowd of girls. "He really needs to come out of the closet, doesn't he Naruto-sama?" Jizzel asked.

"Yes, yes, he does, and I'm slowly ebbing him towards it, but sadly he's not taking the truth well." Swallowing the last grape, Naruto stood up and left after Jiraiya.

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"Now what is it you wanted to talk with me about? You dragged me away from free grapes for this, so it better be good." Jiraiya set his scroll down on the ground, spreading a mat out, before sitting. They were in a small clearing in the middle of Konoha forest, a stream rushing beside them.

"I want to talk to you, about your potential." Said Jiraiya seriously.

Naruto shook his head. "What the hell are you talking you senile old fart?"

Jiraiya's serious face dashed Naruto's attempt at a joke however. "I'm serious, you have a lot of potential, and I'm not about to let something like that pass up. In the bathhouse, I didn't realize it at first, but you shouldn't have been able stand up to me, even for a moment. I'm a sixty year old ninja SAGE, I can take on a Kage if I wanted to."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "I'm not a ninja, I will never be a ninja, nor do I ever want to be one! If you don't get that, then your a lot dumber then I thought you were."

"I said I'm serious! I haven't seen as much potential in you then with the Yondaime Hokage!"

Naruto faltered, "W-what the hell are you going on about-"

"I was the one who taught the fourth everything he knew. I taught him his Ninjutsu, his Genjutsu, even his Taijutsu. And I can tell you right now, you have even MORE potential for strength then even he did. But your completely POINTLESS stubbornness is stopping you from doing so! What reason do you have to not do so?!"

Naruto's entire aura flashed from generally angry and confused, to a black hatred that took back Jiraiya. "My reasons are my own. I don't need anymore strength then I have, I don't need to be any better at hurting people." Jiraiya regained himself.

"Strength isn't measured by those you hurt, its measured by those you PROTECT. Once you understand that, then you can understand why I'm so adamant about this. Why else would I have dragged myself away from a pack of beautiful women, if I wasn't positively sure of something?!"

"SHUT UP! I'm going to tell you one more time; I will never, EVER be a ninja! Quit trying to force me, or else." Naruto hissed out the last part.

Jiraiya's eyebrow rose. "You, threaten ME? That is absolutely hilarious. Well, since you're so keen on being so hostile, I guess I'll fight you until you calm down, and snap some sense into yourself."

"You don't want to do that old man." Naruto's scythe materialized from his sleeve, its blade seemingly more deadly then before.

"Come on brat, lets see if you can really take me on. Come at me with the will to kill, because without it, you can't possibly win!"

Naruto hesitated for a moment. Was he really going to do this? Not moments ago, he'd been sharing a drink with Jiraiya, and now...now he was going to try to kill him? _'I...I can't attack him! He may not be my FRIEND but he's still...'_

_**'Who cares?! Kill him, end him, for even daring to mock you as such!' **_An almost silent voice echoed from his subconscious.__Like an earthquake, an almost venomous river of anger spilled out. Naruto's eyes flashing, he swung his scythe back, and dive-bombed Jiraiya.

Ducking the attack, the Sannin rolled away, kicking off the ground, rebounding off a tree, launching a barrage of kunai at him. All of them were simultaneously hacked from the air by the Scythe Naruto wielded. Jiraiya's eyes widened as Naruto heaved his arm back, letting go of the reaping weapon.

Jiraiya was strangely reminded of a boomerang in some sick way as it crashed down on him, slicing him in two.

Or it would have, if not for the well-timed Kawariimi that saved him. Naruto's head swiveled as he looked around, not seeing him anywhere. That was however, until he noticed the shadow coming down on him. Looking up, he had moments to roll away before a massive toad slammed into the ground where he'd been standing before.

Not missing a beat, Naruto threw his sleeve forwards. **"HISAN TOU!" **(Flying sickle!) From his sleeve flew a dozen crescent sickles, all-aiming for Jiraiya, who perched atop of the toad. In a split second, Jiraiya was behind the toad, which took the sickles, dematerializing moments later.

"Wow, you are taking me seriously, aren't you?" Naruto gave him a cold silent stare, before bringing out another sickle from his sleeve, a long chain attached to it. With a flick of his wrist, it became a spinning disk of death.

"Okay, guess small talk isn't going to work." Flying through several handseals, Jiraiya muttered the Jutsu's name under his breath.

**"Hea hari mori" **(Hair needle lance)Pumping chakra into his hair, it elongated and sharpened, bending a single bunch of strands morphing into a huge spear, dotted with other, smaller spikes. Hefting it with ease, Jiraiya smirked, widening his stance as he prepared to charge.

They flew at each other, meeting briefly. Naruto's sickle clashed briefly with Jiraiya's hair lance, but was easily broken. His larger scythe however clashed with it, allowing him for some ground. Breaking away, Naruto jumped, swinging around, catching Jiraiya's foot with the pole of his scythe. 

Caught off guard, Naruto swung the blade effortlessly down on Jiraiya's head, stopping the blade moments before it sliced into his throat. "I win. Now leave me alone, I don't need anymore strength." Turning, he left with a swish of his black cloak.

From the treetops, the real Jiraiya watched. He was impressed. To conquer his clone was no small feat, even a simple shadow clone. "What a waste..." He walked down the tree.

He needed a drink.

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For the next two days, Naruto was in a rut. He didn't catch hide-nor-hair of Jiraiya, although he did find Anko later that day, passed out, scandalously clad, and smelling of booze. He also got his much lighter wallet back.

The day after had been slow. He pretty much stayed inside all day, and had given brief thought to maybe not even attending the tournament with Anko. He however stopped himself. He had agreed after all, to go with her, and he was interested to see the tournament.

When the day finally rolled by, he was up early. He and Anko were to meet at the stadium in about three or four hours, so he had some time to himself. Again. Sighing, he took a short shower, rebound his face, threw his cloak on, and heading out.

Walking around, he couldn't think of anything to do. Still.

Frankly he was depressed. He hadn't really _meant _to attack Jiraiya, it just sort of...happened. It wasn't that he particularly LIKED the old pervert, but, he was a sort-of-friend, and he wasn't really sure what they had fought about. It had happened pretty quickly. Sighing, Naruto jumped slightly as he bumped into something small.

"HEY! Watch it, you overgrown jerk!" A high-pitched, shrill voice that hurt Naruto's ears caught his attention. Looking down, he had to do a double take to realize he'd walked into a small boy. "Well Hi there little guy! Did you wander away from mommy?"

"Go shove it!"

"Now that's not very nice, you should respect your wise elders."

"You look about as wise as Jiji after a couple shots!"

"Wow...your possibly the most repulsive child I've ever met. Goodbye." Turning, Naruto went to leave, although the kid persisted. "Hey, you haven't apologized yet! What about my terrible wounds you inflicted!? Apologize!" Naruto gave him a look, before scoffing.

"I'm not apologizing." He continued to leave, but lurched back as the boy put his foot down on the hem of his cloak.

"I'm not going to let you go until you apologize to me! Start apologizing!"

Naruto's eye quivered, before he hung his head. The boy, Konohamaru, smiled, _'No one stands up to the Hokages grandson!'_

Slip-Bonk "OOOW!"

In a moment, Naruto had twirled around, sending Konohamaru flying to the ground. "I repeat, I'm not going to apologize! Now go see your Jiji about his drinking if its such a problem for you, that you have to go around and bother people!" Naruto turned around, and swished away, hoping to find a place to eat. He was starving.

However, he didn't catch the look of pure astonishment from the younger boy, who stood up and took off after him.

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"AAAAAH! That's the good stuff!" Naruto sighed, sucking down a large bowl of miso ramen. He had been wandering around for a while, and had a massive craving for ramen. Thankfully, he'd been close to Ichiracku's, so; he was now sating his hunger.

"Boy, kid, you're giving me such good business! Hope we see you around a lot more, because frankly, without customers like you, I may go outta business!" Teuchi, the shop-owner laughed.

Naruto gave him a positively horrified look. "Please, please tell me your joking! You've got to be kidding me!"

Teuchi laughed as Naruto continued to give him that look, even after he walked past the counter into the back room.

Leaving Naruto to himself. "Well, if this stuff is limited, I'd better take advantage of it while I can..." Scooping a large noodle full, Naruto looked left, looked right, and cracked his mouth open a lot wider then he normally did.

"OI!" Naruto's entire body lurched in shock, hurriedly reapplying his bandages, turning around slowly to look at the offending brat from before. "Wow! Patched things up that quickly with your alchohalic grandfather? Thats some impressive counseling." The boy gave him a look, before walking up, and taking a seat beside him.

"I don't get it."

Naruto stopped trying to slurp his ramen through his bandages, turning to look at him. "Don't get what, oh tiny child in the stool next to mine?" Naruto asked somewhat sarcastically.

"You treated me like a normal human being. Anyone else would have bowed there head and told me what an honor it was for me to treat them like garbage. Why did you act differently?"

Naruto paused again for a moment. "Because I don't know you, and frankly I can't stand anyone being a jerk. That's why. It doesn't matter to me if you're the highest of royalty, or the lowest of men, you start with me, I end it." The brow-haired boy seemed almost star-struck in that moment, staring fixedly at the blonde.

"W-what's your name anyways?"

Naruto smiled. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto Yours?"

"Konohamaru."

"Well Konohamaru, maybe I'll see you later; in the mean time, trying ebbing your drunk of a grandpa to something more productive. Maybe painting!" Picking up the bowl, Naruto cocked his head back and let the hot ramen spill right into his mouth, somehow managing to fit it all in at once.

"Whatever you say boss." was the reply before Konohamaru ran down the way, leaving Naruto to himself.

"Well, I'm bored. The tournament doesn't start for a little while. Maybe I'll go wander in a random direction."

It was much to his surprise, when he found he had wandered into the Konoha training field, more specifically, to where one Hyuuga Hinata was busy practicing for the upcoming match. "Hey, good to see you ditched the jacket! Looked tacky anyways!"

Hinata halted her pounding, cracking an eye around at Naruto, before turning back to the mat she was previously pounding.

"You again?" She asked in an almost monotone voice.

"Ya, me again. I know, It's an absolute shock, but I don't just GO away." Naruto sat on the ground.

The only sound for all of five minutes was the sound made from Hinata's fists impacting with the mat on the opposing log. The silence didn't seem to affect Naruto however, whom just stared at her until finally, she whirled on him.

"WHAT?! What do you want?!" Naruto just stared at her dumbly, before smiling.

"I notice you took my advice about the jacket." Hinata blinked in surprise.

"Uh...ya...whatever." Hinata blushed.

Silence.

"Ya...you look a lot better without it."

Hinata blanched. "WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

Naruto rubbed his ears painfully, muttering 'ows' as Hinata seethed. "Well?! What do you mean by that?!" Hinata's face was flushed badly, her hands twisted into claws, her entire, terrifying visage fixated on the completely oblivious blonde. "WELL?!" Naruto shifted his head to the side.

"Well, what do you think I meant? You look better without it; plain and simple. It didn't look good on you, and I think you look better without it." Naruto summed up, though Hinata didn't lose her air of malice.

"And whats THAT supposed to mean?" She said dangerously, though still, Naruto didn't waver.

"Its means what it's supposed to mean," Naruto told her.

Hinata relaxing. "Fine, whatever, just shut up and sit over there, and don't say anything else, I'm preparing for the exams." Turning she went back to the mats.

"Ya, your chest is also a lot more noticeable now to." Hinata's entire body frozen in place, her knuckles cracking.

**"YOU F#ING PERVERT!" **She shrieked, slamming her fist so far into his face, sending Naruto hurling backwards. Naruto was sent spinning backwards, rolling to the ground and laying there, still.

Hinata gasped air, her face as red as a tomato, her entire body sagging as she stared at Naruto indignantly. "WHAT THE HELL!?" She cried out. Naruto slowly sat up, dazedly looking around, before smiling. "Huh, just like I thought, your a lot faster without it." Hinata's indignant glare never ceased.

"What? I was just making an observation, but if that's offensive to you, I'll just go." Standing up, Naruto brushed himself off. Hinata glared at him once more, before she herself went back to pounding her mat, several times harder then before. "Oh, and Hinata?" She turned, as if daring him to say it again.

"Good luck." Before he was gone with a swish of his cloak, leaving behind a stunned Hinata.

She stared wide-eyed, head forwards, her eyes unblinking, her entire face as red as a tomato. _'Did he just...but...eh?' _Shaking her head, she went back to her training. Frankly, that blonde was too surreal, even for her to handle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Gaara." A voice spoke up from the doorway. Listlessly, a turqoise blue eye, almost pale gray, turned to the speaker. "The exams will beginning soon, Kazekage-sama has asked me to inform you that-" He didn't get any further, as a tendril of sand rose up and wrapped around the mans ankle, before dragging him deftly to the middle of the room, hanging him upside down.

"You...annoy me." Gaara said, locking the almost lifeless eyes of his onto the man, who seemed to have wet himself in terror. "Your no good to me however, even mother finds your blood disgusting. Go tell my father I know about the exam, and inform my siblings that I will meet them in two hours at the stadium. Now get out of my sight, insect." With a thud, the man fell to the floor, and scrambled away. "O-of course, Gaara-sama."

Which left the insomniac redhead to himself. Gaara turned back to his window, which was open, a crack. "Where are you, this Jashin? Where is the one who can kill me? Tell me where you are." Gaara stared at the people walking past, though none of them had the chakra levels of someone that could kill him.

_**'What are you doing? Kill someone already! I need blood, I thirst!' **_A dark, almost arcane voice rose up in the back of his head.

_'Mother, I apologize, there have been few cattle worthy of your tastes. But-' _Gaara was cutoff however.

_**'Damn your excuses! I want blood, and you'll give me blood! This 'Jashin' probably doesn't even exist, there isn't anyone, save a tail beast, that's as strong as I am.'**_

_'Of course mother, I shall do as you ask.' _Sitting up, Gaara headed out. As he stepped out of the apartment, he spotted a small cat to the left. In an instant, it was crushed alive, its life-juices spilling into the sand. _'Mother, is that enough for now, I need to conserve myself for the tournament after all.'_

_**'Hmmm, well, that cat WAS pretty juicy...why not, but you be sure to murder EVERYONE you face, or so help me...' **_Gaara nodded.

_'Of course...__mother.__' _Turning, he headed into whatever direction he felt would satisfy him the most. Perhaps, he could enjoy the quiet, before he'd feed mother.

His smile, one of madness, made onlookers quiver in fear.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"OI! NARUTO!" Anko cheered happily as a short blonde walked up.

"Hey Anko. So, you have the tickets then?"

She took them from her pocket, brandishing them happily. "YEP! Gott'em right here!"

They were at the front of the Chuunin coliseum, where hundreds of people filled in to watch the show. Among the sea of heads, they were lost, almost invisible, if it weren't for the fact Naruto was a blonde wearing a giant black cloak, and an almost topless woman, only concealed by a trench coat.

Oh ya, they were near see-through like that.

Transparent even.

Walking through the box-office, the two of them headed to there seats. Naruto was rather surprised to find Anko had managed to snag seats at the front row, right where the action was. "How'd you manage to snag seats this close anyways?" Naruto asked, though the wicked glint in Anko's eye made him wonder if he should have asked.

"Simple, they call these suicide spots. Sitting this close, people tend to get hit with the backlash of certain techniques, such as Suiton, or Katon. I remember this one time; this did this insane firebomb attack, and ended up torching everyone in the first three rows! Everyone was burnt to a crisp, and the kid? He got demoted back to the academy! Can you believe that?" Anko laughed, though Naruto just raised an eyebrow.

_'Not like getting burned alive is a problem.' _He thought. Down below, the referee walked up, dressed like the usual Chuunin. "Would the contestants please move to the center of the stadium?!" He bellowed out. Ninja filed down, or simply hopped to the ground, some Naruto actually recognized. Sasuke, Sakura and Hinata were some, and he briefly entertained the idea to call their names loudly until he got a response.

But decided not to, for whatever reason.

Anko smiled. "Yeah, I got a lotta money on a match. See that kid down there, the one wearing the pretty plain ninja stuff? That's Shouzoku Noroi, and I bet that the guy facing him would trounce him." Anko said, "Although his opponent isn't here yet, but I'm sure that kid will show up, at SOME point or another." Anko hoped so, because when she said she had a LOT of money riding on it, she meant her entire house, all her belongings, as well as a few _favors._

Frankly, you could see her dilemma.

The first match was about to begin. Apparently this Temari chick would be fighting this really lazy Shikimaru guy. Naruto eyeballed the guy, and noted that he didn't seem to have much. But if that was true, then why was he in this tournament anyways, how had he gotten this far if he didn't have any skill?

As the match unfolded, Naruto realized quickly what his skill was. He was smart; ballistic smart, maddeningly smart. Temari was no pushover, her weapon of choice a massive fan that could push the winds into Tsunami's and blades of wind, and yet, the lazy, pineapple headed boy beat her, using nothing but ingenuity, and a fairly useful technique.

Shadow manipulation, which he used several times before finally beating her. Or would have, had he not given up at the last moment.

Naruto shook his head. That guy...was pretty weird.

The next match was the one that got Naruto's attention. It was the match between Hinata and that Neji she had mentioned before, the one with the underwear thing. Naruto hoped her luck, despite the whole "GO DIE!" attitude towards him. On the floor, where the match was taking place:

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"You're going to lose, so you might as well forfeit and leave in one piece, Lady Hinata." Neji ground out, though Hinata just shook her head.

"Unlike you Neji, I don't quit that easily." Taking her stance, Hinata glared sharply at Neji, who smirked.

"Fine, if you're so keen on dying like a dog, then lets go." He to took his stance.

The referee nodded. "Alright, I want a clean fight, though anything goes, even your lives. On my mark..." Raising his hand, the ref stood as the entire stadium grew silent. _'Good luck, Hinata.' _Naruto sent a silent prayer her way.

"HAJIME!" The ref called, jumping back as the two of them met in an instant.

Hinata wasted no time, sending her palms forwards in a double attack, though Neji keeled backwards, a la matrix-style, avoiding the blow. The burst of chakra from her hands was enough to be physically seen, something that scared Neji. _'I may have to bring that out soon.' _He thought to himself as he back flipped away.

"You really should-" He had a split second to react as Hinata seemingly materialized in front of him, her palms raised. He managed to block her hits, although his arms throbbed horribly from the chakra she had sent into them. Returning his blows, he was surprised to find Hinata easily dodge them, leaping away.

"Its time we take this up a notch." Neji needn't run through the seals, his eyes instantly changing to there true form. The veins popped out of his skull as though he had overdosed on steroids. His eyes gained a new light to them, becoming a straight, pearly, cold white, transfixed on Hinata.

The Byakugan, the infamous ability of the Hyuuga clan.

"I agree." Flashing through several handseals, Hinata's eyes blazed into life, the veins popping out as well. "Lets see if your eyes are REALLY up to par with mine like you keep going on about." Hinata took her usual stance, though Neji didn't move an inch.

"I KNOW my eyes are up to par with yours, or do you recall the fact that I can actually BEAT my younger siblings?" Hinata's face grew livid; an effect that was enhanced by her newly transformed eyes. "SHUT UP!" She whirled around, jumping high to attack her unmoving opponent.

It happened in an instant. Hinata's stomach lurched painfully as she immediately recognized what Neji was doing. The Kaiten. To some, it would have looked somewhat..._fruity, _for lack of a better word, to see him start spinning quickly as though he was in a ballet, but Hinata knew better. She'd seen this technique to many times before.

With tremendous force, a wall of chakra, spun by Neji's body, slapped into her with enough power to send her body sprawling away. Neji stopped his spinning, the shield that had completely encompassed him moments ago dissipating to nothingness. "THAT, Hinata, is the difference between you and me. I'm a genius, while you're just the spoiled, weak brat of the main branch." Hinata seethed.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" In a blind rage, Hinata whirled at him, but was smashed away again by his Kaiten.

"Give up, Hinata." Neji's cold eyes bored into hers like drills. Slowly, she stood up, wiping some blood from her forehead.

"Never! I refuse to lose to a pompous ass like you, Neji!" Flashing through three handseals, Hinata's palms blazed with sea-blue chakra.

_'What...what the hell are those?!' _Neji took a step back, though Hinata easily closed the distance between them, her arms raised. For the third time that day, Neji's Kaiten whirled to life, but this time was different.

Hinata's blue palms met with the shield, causing red sparks to fly in every direction. Hinata ground her teeth as the two, Neji's Kaiten, and her as of yet unnamed technique, clashed for dominance. One was going to be the winner.

Unfortunately for her, it was Neji's.

She knew immediately something was wrong, as the shield sheared away her chakrafied palms. Like some vortex, she was dragged palm first into the swirl, before she was brought to the top of the shield, where she flew off, straight up. It didn't end there however. Gravity kicked in, sending her crashing back down. The top of the Kaiten send her spinning and skipping across it, screaming in agony the whole way as she continued to skid and skip across the spinning surface before falling to the ground, unmoving.

Moments later, Neji stopped his spin, panting heavily. _'Damn, that took TO long, and twice the chakra. But I won, and that's all that matters.' _Neji smirked in satisfaction. "Ref! I won." The referee nodded, and went to end the match, but was stopped momentarily by a small, hoarse voice.

Hinata slowly sat up, her body a mess. She was almost naked, her cloths bloody shreds against her skinned body, barely concealing her modesty. Her left eye was damaged to the point where she could only squint, her forehead a mess of blood. She achingly stood up, her limbs shaking.

"I-I'm not done yet. R-referee, p-please continue..." She slowly took her stance, her entire posture an aching tapestry of agony.

Neji smirked. "Fine, if you're so keen on dying." Taking his stance, Neji eyed her with a cunning look.

Hinata was in no shape to retaliate as Neji shot forwards, and seemingly poked her violently twice.

"TWO PALMS!"

Swiveling around her, he delivered a success double to that.

"FOUR PALMS!"

"EIGHT PALMS!"

"SIXTEEN PALMS!"

"THIRTY-TWO PALMS!"

**"SIXTY FOUR PALMS!" **With a final, devastating blow, Neji sent Hinata sprawling away, unconscious.

"Winner: Hyuuga Neji!" Neji smirked as he took to the steps that led to the box where the others would be held. Though he couldn't shake the strange sensation, as though something very malevolent had set its eyes on him...

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"N-naruto?" Anko asked apprehensively. During the fight, he had almost lost it; he was currently clutching the railing tightly, his eyes not blinking.

"Y-yeah?"

Anko poked him. "You can, uh, let go of the rail, you're crushing the metal." Letting go of it, Naruto examined the small imprinted dents made by his fingers.

"Uuuhh...ya." Sitting down, he felt a little sheepish. "Actually, I think I'll grab some chips, I'm starving." Standing up, he was gone with a swish of his cloak, leaving behind Anko, whom watched him go before turning back to the next match. With a start, she realized that it was Noroi who was up next. And his opponent hadn't shown up yet.

Anko became both furious and terrified. If Noroi didn't lose, she'd be down a LOT of money, not to mention, those _favors._ She shook her head at that; she was not going to resort to things of that like. She needed a way out of this. She had bet them that Noroi would LOSE, she never said to whom. Anyone would do, anyone at all. Even...

"Hey, I'm back. I got you barbecue, if that's okay." Naruto however took a step back at the almost leering look Anko sent towards him.

"Say...Naruto..." She said, creeping up. Naruto gulped, he knew what was coming. Something horrible and traumatic, if he went with Anko's record. "I have an eeeeeeeeensy favor to ask you."

He took another step backwards. "R-really? What kind of favor?"

"Well, I have a little wager with some men, just that that guy down there will lose. Now, they never said WHO he had to lose to, and I was wondering..."

Naruto gave her a blank look. "...your joking. You have to be joking. There is no way, in my right mind, I'm going down there, and kicking that guys ass. Not for a million things in the world." Naruto's back pressed against the bar.

"But Naruto, if you'll not do it for anything at all..."

"Why are you in the stadium?" With a slight shove, she sent him rolling down the wall, along the ground, and lying flat on his back, right in front of the referee, and his opponent. _'One of these days Anko...one of these days.' _ Sitting up, Naruto was eyeballed by the Genin beside him.

He wore what appeared to be a large, purple jumpsuit. Over it, he wore a bright red vest, with a large number of pins dotted around it. His hair was brown and messy, looked rather greasy as well. The most defining feature however, was the large, pocadotted head-band he wore on his forhead, giving Naruto the impression he was several screws loose of...a screwy...thing.

"Oi, Datesha, what's with the cloak? And you died your hair? And the bandages? What's with the sudden costume change, Datesha?" Naruto assumed that was the name of the guy he was supposed to be.

"Thought there was a change in order, what with the exams and all." Naruto replied sheepishly.

"Oh ya, what's with your voice? You don't look like Datesha to me." Naruto had to think, fast.

"Ummm...Puberty?"

That seemed to satisfy Noroi, who nodded. "Ain't no change of clothing going to save you from me, I'll beat you, just like all those times before!" Noroi took his stance.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Naruto didn't move.

In the balcony, the Sandaime, who previously had been listlessly watching the matches, sat straight up as he immediately recognized the profile of the blonde below. _'Dammit! He's here, of all places! I have to stop the match! But, if I do, there'll be an uproar, and everything will be blown out of proportions. I'll wait for the match to end, then we'll capture Naruto.' _Signaling a Jounin over, Sarutobi whispered his orders in his ear.

The Kazekage wrinkled his eyes as he tried vainly to listen in on the conversation. "Something the matter, Sarutobi?" The elder just ignored him.

Below, the ref stood back. "On my mark, get set...HAJIME!" He leapt away.

Noroi didn't hesitate. "Oi, Datesha! I spent all this time perfecting my perfect skill! They say its forbidden, and that only the most promising of ninja can master it!" Placing his hands into a single seal, Noroi shouted the name of his technique.

**"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" **In an instant, Naruto was completely surrounded by solid, perfect copies of Noroi, each one giving him an almost showboating look. There was a bustle from the stands as people examined with scrutiny the perfect clones. "Yep, that's right, I had to get special permission from the Hokage himself, but I got special training, and learned this wicked skill. With it, I'm a one man army!" The army of Noroi's cheered.

"Get ready, because here we come!" In the stands, Anko crossed her fingers, hoping, praying that Naruto knew how to handle this. A Genin learning the shadow clone skill was unprecedented, and increased the likely hood that Naruto was going to lose. _'Come on Naruto, come-on!'_

"Bonzaaai!" They all cried in unison, all-converging on the epicenter, Naruto.

It was like a flash of light, a single hair of movement, before every clone burst into smoke. The real Noroi, who had stayed back, visibly shook as the smoke from his clones being destroyed billowed about the battlefield. All at once, a small wind picked up, pushing the smoke away.

"One man army, huh?" Naruto hefted his scythe over his shoulder, his cloak billowing with the smoke. Its massive blade shone faint silver against the sun, giving the impression of one thing. 

Death.

"It's going to take a lot more then an army to stop me." Naruto spoke, widening his stance, preparing to slash away at his opponent...

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**Wow. Just wow. Two...frickin'...months. Wow.**

**Sorry for the MASSIVE wait. I'm hoping this chapter lives up to expectations; I worked pretty hard on it. Despite the amount of time it took to publish.**

**Speaking of which, sorry, my bad. I got majorly distracted with cutting string, as well as the release of my other, seemingly most twisted AU story, Docile, which is free for you all to read. Or not, I'm cool with that. Ya. Don't worry, updates will not take two months at a time, so long as there isn't a massive demand for other chapters, and this series accidentally goes on the back burner.**

**Ya.**

**Next chapter: Naruto battles Noroi, the OC (yes another one, sue me), while Orochimaru's plans become apparent. It'll probably take a while to write up, so just hold your horses.**

**Also, you should know, the pairing for this story is NOT going to be apparent for a while, although you may have already picked up two of our candidates. Though which one will it be?**

**Review, or I shall (Insert random threat here)!! Bwahaha! TACO!**


	7. Synopsis, followed by chaos

**Hows it?!**

**Yeah, good response from last chap, people thought I made a good balance with everything.**

**But that was last chapter, and this is this chapter. So there, you now know the difference.**

**As a great man once said: Read the frickin' chapter!**

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It…was dark...

Pitch black even. Though honestly, that didn't seem like correct English.

Oh well, who cared. It was a language, a method of filing one thing from another; hotdog from an airplane, Michael Jackson from Michael Jordan. But still, that didn't help his current situation. He was disoriented, it was dark, and there was apparently no one around. 

Trying to scramble to his feat, he fell over painfully, cracking his head against cement ground. "OW! Crap..." Rolling onto his back, he tried again, with similar results. By the third try, he steadily acquired vertical stance, if a wobbly one. Swiveling his head around, there was nothing to go on, so, picking a random direction, he trekked off.

For several minutes, the darkness remained. Then, like a pinpoint on the horizon, a light. With each step it grew, before long, it became apparent there was actually more then one point the light was coming from, specifically several tall pillars blocked the main source, equally spaced strips of light passing through.

He just stared dumbly at them for a few minutes. "...when did I go to prison?" The massive bars barely spaced to trap him in stood daintily. Placing a palm on them, he pressed, but surprisingly there was no give. Odd.

"Hmmmm...dang. Still to early I guess. Oh well, I can wait. Wish I had a book or something." He sat on the ground, leaning his head against the cold metal of the bars, letting the steady silence envelope him, only broken by the small pattering drops of water every few moments. It was...fairly boring in there.

The head suddenly shot up as though struck by lightning, swiveling left and right, searching. A sensation washed through the entire prison, a combination of fear, anger, and...demonic intent. That was new...

"Hmmm...well, hope he doesn't die. Whatever..." The creature spoke, chuckling a little to itself...

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"HOLY-LOOK OUT!" To say Naruto was having some troubles...

Was an understatement.

A major understatement.

In recap, here's how things had progressed.

After stepping out of the cloud of smoke, bad-ass meter reading 110 percent and giving the impression of an almighty God of kickocity, Naruto had proceeded to beat the living crap out of his opponent.

Poor guy, he persevered, but come on, he didn't have a snowballs chance in hell. The battle had progressed quickly, Naruto proceeding to completely trounce the fashion challenged boy with ease and spectacular skill, dragging the match out farther then it actually needed to be. Ending with a huge, pain inducing combo, Noroi was left sprawled in pain, twitching as Naruto poked him with a stick, asking the all important question:

"Dead yet?"

Noroi's response: "Grrughgghghprffft."

Naruto's rebuttal: "Eh...good enough."

Moments after being proclaimed winner...

Things kinda...well...

Went to hell.

You see, unknown to Naruto, two things were perspiring. The first was the fact that Sarutobi, who for fear of triggering a riot, ordered his guards to apprehend him as soon as possible, after the match. The second was a rage induced, agitated, battle-starving Gaara exploding onto the stadium floor, his eyes wholly set on tearing Naruto apart. Apparently the atmosphere had gotten to him, and the display of power had set the kid off.

Why? Who knows, maybe he was a jerk. All Naruto knew is moments after taking off, manic redhead hot on his heels screaming something about how "MOTHER WANTS YOUR BLOOD! GIVE IT TO HER!" the entire village erupted into battle. Left and right, guys in what appeared to be ski masks and scarves for some...odd...reason appeared, attacking any other Shinobi in there wake.

Did he mention the part about Gaara hot on his heels? Yes? Well, now that you're all good and caught up-

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!" Naruto ducked behind a shopping cart, leaping up to the rooftops moments before a large wave of sand crushed it and its contents.

"GET BACK HERE, AND PROVE MY EXISTENCE!" Gaara, half slobbering, half screaming, leapt to the roof with similar ease, trying deftly to keep pace with the Uzumaki.

"I'd rather not!" Naruto rolled away from a hail of sand impacted into the shape of shuriken, leaping to another wall and running along it, before spring boarding over a specific section of roof. As it turned out, moments before, a team of sound ninja, or the ninja in ski masks, had stopped to regroup. So they naturally reacted in the calmest, protocolistic (If that's a word) way.

"OH GOD, AMBUSH!" They were caught flat-footed by the form of Naruto, who unable to dodge in midair, collided with two of the ninja, rolling into an alleyway below.

Raising his head groggily, he thanked whatever deity for giving him such soft objects to land on, instead of a trashcan. The Oto-Nin was blissfully unconscious; unlike there comrades up on the roof.

"No, wait-please, sto-AAARGGH!" The mans breath left his lips as massive amounts of pressure crushed him alive, Gaara's sand trailing back to its gourd. "Che, not even worth the effort, scum sacks." Gaara snarled, swiveling his head.

_**"Idiot, letting him get away! I WANT MY BLOOD, No more of these weaklings!" **_

"Of course, Okaa-sama." Gaara said, his face twisting into a demented smirk. This blonde boy, perhaps he wasn't a test, but his resilience to live was impressive. Gaara's smirk widened. It would make it all the more satisfying to crush him like so many others. Turning, Gaara continued to search for the boy.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted movement. Turning, the all to familiar cloak drew his attention, and not wasting a moment, tore off after the boy. Said boy cried out in surprise at the Nin's speed, before tearing off down the street, dodging explosions, the other boy hot on his trail.

Naruto, during all these moments, took the moment to pity himself. _'DAMMIT, WHY ME!? Why not ANKO?!'_

An explosion signifying Gaara's sand missing him by mere inches furthered the rush of his legs, in a futile attempt to ditch the boy. Why he didn't just turn around and own the kid, was beyond him, he couldn't die, what did he have to fear? But there was something...

...off about the red-head, that just told him to keep running.

Steeling himself, Naruto prepared to lose Gaara in an alley-

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Anko was having the time of her life. She'd known beforehand that there was to be an invasion, she wasn't clueless as to why they were under attack. They'd known for quite the while actually, hence why they were all so well prepared, despite the sudden date move of the Chunnin exam. They'd known the sand and sound had teamed up, and they had prepared as well as they could, Jounin left and right, security up, and extra weaponry all around.

Ducking under a kunai barrage, she leapt into the air; only to take a Chakra-sound infused blast to the torso. Moments later she burst into a badly torn up stadium chair, the Oto-Nin's eyes flashing in surprise, before a twin needle-prick sensations sent him to the floor, unconscious or worse. Anko smirked down at him, snake eyes flashing.

Then, in between sneaking up on another Suna-Nin and cackling like a maniac, she spotted a commotion on the stadium floor that almost made her lose her edge.

In a blizzard of green leaves, like a scene from some beautiful poem, materialized the forms of Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Kakashi, back to back, eyes closed with a look of utmost badassery (Not a word, but should be), Kakashi spoke in a clear loud voice, over his small orange book. "Hey, sorry we're la-"

He stopped dead as the two of them stood stock still in surprise, as the battle raged in front of them. Sasuke cast Kakashi a glare. "I told you a dramatic entrance would lead to bad things!" Kakashi sagged. "I knew I forgot something, crap! Maybe we can ask someone who knows what the heck's going-" Anko promptly landed in front of them in an upright stance, hand stuck out in a peace sign, smiling sweetly.

The fact she was standing on top of a dead Suna ninja kinda ruined the whole scene though.

"Sup boys! I've told Kakashi before, late guys don't get laid, or in this case, late guys don't get to be where the battle starts. What the hell are you trying to pull, scarecrow?" Anko asked, crossing her arms as her trench coat rustled in the calm wind. Kakashi scratched the back of his head sheepishly, none of them seeming to notice the battle around them.

"I thought I'd teach Sasuke the art of a dramatic entrance, since I got a little bored reading. I didn't think I'd pick a day where a battle was going to happen though, why wasn't I informed?"

Anko stuck her tongue out. "Eh, serves you two right for being late." A shadow cast itself over her as a Shinobi, leaking killer-intent, dive-bombed at them from above.

With no effort, she grabbed his neck, and heaved him cart wheeling away, crashing onto the ground by a large number of other enemy ninja. Tossing a kunai over her shoulder, it landed square between the man's legs, missing an important part by inches. The man's relief was short lived-as the explosive tag attached to it went off moments later.

"-Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi, when will you learn? Honestly, how can anyone take you seriously with that attitude?" Anko asked, not missing a beat.

Both other men simply stared at her for a few moments, before Kakashi shook his head. "Look, Anko, have you seen my other student, she had bright pink hair, wears a red dress-" Anko waved her hand.

" 'S'not my job to watch your brats, but I have seen a girl like that. She took off after Naruto-"

Kakashi gasp of surprise cut her off. "N-N-Naruto?! He's here, in the village?! Anko, how could you let this happen?!" Anko took a surprised step backwards, eyes wide. Kakashi didn't take a moment to explain however.

"Sasuke, you are to locate Sakura immediately! Take Pakkun with you, track her down, and get out of there, head for a safe house. I'll remain here to help with the fronts. Don't get killed, by the enemy, or by-" Kakashi's voice halted however as he slammed his hands onto the ground, summoning forth a small pug.

"Yo, Kakashi, what's-" Focusing on the veritable cornucopia of carnage around himself, Pakkun gave Kakashi a look. "I'm to damn old for this. What is it that you want?"

Kakashi ducked under a barrage of kunai, sending one the enemies way. "I need you to find Sakura. You already know what she smells like, and she shouldn't be to far. Take Sasuke to her!" Kakashi waved his hand outwards, as both Sasuke and dog flew.

"Just what the hell was that about?" Anko asked, hands on her hips. Kakashi just gave her a look, before leaping into battle. Which left a fuming Anko to ask herself; just what was so dangerous about Uzumaki Naruto?

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Sakura supposed this was one of the dumber things that she'd tried. Dumber then the times she thought that her and Ino would be friends forever. Dumber then the time she tried to dye her hair to a dark brown, and had instead made it bright, neon green, effectively blinding anyone who looked directly at her.

Oh yes, despite her general brains, Sakura had her moments where she was just plain stupid. This was by far the biggest.

She wasn't sure what had prompted the sudden action, tearing off after the blonde. All she'd known was that he was in the village, and that she needed to know more about the enigmatic blonde. She hadn't really counted on a few things though...

Namely the war in her way.

Ducking under some debris that fell from a burning building, she tried her best to stay out of sight. She knew better then to believe that she was strong enough to just march through battle. Ducking behind a cart, she watched the rooftops, before making a mad dash for freedom. Through some luck, she was still on the trail.

She had only one thing to go on that could possibly lead her to Naruto's location. The trail of destruction that was left behind from Gaara, who she assumed was following him. It was a big trail. Rubble, fires, and slash marks from an unmistakable scythe were her primary clues.

And yes, she did realize it was stupid to be following after the boy, despite numerous reasons not to. The war, the fact a serial killing Jinchuriki was hot on his heels, the fact Naruto might very well be a monster, and there were numerous reasons. Hence why this was one of her dumber ideas. By a long shot.

A terrific concussion caught her attention, and leaping to the rooftops, she hoped it was him. It wasn't.

It was a massive three-headed snake bursting through the village wall, hissing and snarling, its giant glinting eyes bearing into all in its wake. It didn't help she had an irrational fear of snakes, since the Chunnin exam and all. But, for some reason, she steeled herself. It was unexplainable, there was just...some force driving her to find him.

Footsteps behind her caught her attention. Turning on a foot, she instinctively drew a blade, and prepared for the worst. She didn't however, expect a small pug to land in front of her, sniffing the air. "W-what the-" Sasuke materialized behind it.

"S-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura couldn't help it if she couldn't quite shake old habits, her immediate reaction being fall head over heels and not stop nagging him for a date. Sasuke's glare her way stopped this however. "Sakura, what the hell are you doing?" His cold voice chilled her, stopping any advances she planned to make.

"What-what do you mean Sasuke-kun?" Sasuke's glare intensified. Despite the war around them, neither moved for a moment, Pakkun looking left and right, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with them. "You left to go after Naruto. The same Naruto that Kakashi warned us about. What I want to know is...

"...why the hell didn't you bring me?" Sakura took a step back, as Sasuke's glare reached its apex.

Sakura didn't know how to respond, so, dumbly she asked, "Why would you want to?"

Sasuke crossed his arms. "Naruto is...strong-" Sasuke ground out, as though the words were painful. "Strong enough to worry the entire village. I need that strength."

Sakura grew a frown, though Sasuke acted as though he didn't notice. Pakkun however chose to interrupt. "Now hold on a minute, I'm not going anywhere, other then escorting you two to a safe-house, so stop right there. Now, I'm no fool, and I know where this is leading. You two are not, and I repeat, _not_ going after this 'Naruto' character, so forget it."

Both ninja looked at the dog, exchanged glances, and then bolted, leaving behind the now severely irritated Pakkun. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!" echoed after them, followed by the pitter-patter of small feet. Sasuke looked at Sakura, nodding to her as a signal. Simultaneously, they both created a swarm of Bunshin, and threw smoke bombs over there shoulder.

The result was a sudden increase of their number, as well as confusing the small Nin-dog, who choked on the gas of the bombs, losing the scent. "Dammit! I'm to old for this!" Pakkun hacked out with several coughs (You ever heard a dog cough? Thought so), looking around for the two of them while his nose cleared.

Meanwhile, two blocks away, Sakura and Sasuke landed, eyes searching for any threats. There appeared to be none, so Sasuke turned to his pink-haired counterpart. "Sakura, your to take me to Naruto." He said.

It wasn't a question. Sakura however gave him a puzzled look. "Sasuke-kun, why, what do you want to see him so badly for?"

Sasuke's steely eyes stopped her however. "Sakura...you WILL take me to Naruto, understand?"

Goosebumps ran up her arms, but she didn't run away, not like she wanted to. "Y-yes, Sasuke-kun." Sakura abided, unquestioning.

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Losing Gaara in an ally...not so good.

The crumbling buildings that had once stood there were testament to that.

"Gaaah!" Naruto cried out hopelessly, swerving to avoid a crushing ton of sand impacting the ground, kicking up dust everywhere. Naruto swung his scythe around, splitting the sand, and burying it deep into the protective shield of Gaara's. Cursing, he back flipped away as spikes erupted towards him, intent to impale themselves.

Gaara laughed. His prey was far more resilient then he had hoped, this would make the kill so satisfying! Gaara's deranged mind vaguely registered his mother telling him to simply kill the blonde, but he forsook her. This, this was just too much fun to simply rush through it!

Naruto wasn't as enthusiastic as Gaara was.

The situation was growing grimmer. Ducking yet another barrage of Suna-shuriken, he cart wheeled several times, the small objects impacting the ground where he had been a moment ago. All this dodging was making him thirsty. _'DAMMIT! This isn't working! There's nowhere to lose him, the streets are to linear and there's nowhere to hide! I need someplace else, like..._

_'...the FOREST!' _Naruto's sudden stroke of genius cost him, as Gaara's sand, transformed into a claw, lunged forward and wrapped itself around his cloak, halting any escape. "GOT YOU!" Gaara cried happily, his face a portrait of manic happiness. Naruto weighed the pros and cons of letting him crush him to death or whatever he was planning, before making a hasty and sacrificial decision.

Swinging the blade around, he sacrificed a large chunk of his robe like apparel, the fabric tearing and splintering badly. Combined with Gaara's forceful pull, the cloaks hem was completely ruined, but Naruto was free. "Dammit, I liked this cloak!" Naruto swore, before channeling a mass of Chakra to his legs, and speeding off.

Gaara was in hot pursuit, throwing the cloth away. He summoned a mass of sand, stood on it, and took off at speeds that rivaled Naruto's.

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Sasuke was growing aggravated. Apparently, the trail was coming to an end, and Naruto was nowhere to be seen. Sakura seemed tense about this, though honestly, she wasn't his main priority. Naruto was.

That strength of his...the ability to take on someone of Orochimaru's level, that wasn't something that should have been possible. It was with that he power he could test himself, and prove he was strong. That was why he existed after all. Murdering his one obstacle.

The training that he and Kakashi had undergone had been rigorous and profoundly difficult, though Sasuke never once complained. There was no reason to. It would make him stronger; that was it. But Naruto's Jutsu...

The part of him that still enjoyed a joke, a part that was very, very dead, almost laughed when Kakashi had first reattempted the Jutsu, with similar results like his. It was aggravating to think that there was a Jutsu in his arsenal that was simply there to make him trip up, while for the blonde he became a whirling cyclone of death.

Sasuke's brow burrowed deeper, a very difficult feat for most. Sakura, who's worry for Sasuke increased tenfold at his increasingly murderous look, suddenly stopped. Sasuke, still brooding, noticed this a moment later, backpedaling to where she had halted. "What's the matter?"

Sakura looked at him, almost like a wounded animal, and Sasuke's aggravation spiked before she finally spoke. "S-Sasuke...why are you so keen on going after Naruto? Why do you want to? Are you planning on helping him or...?"

Sasuke's eyebrows knitted a little more tightly. "Sakura, that's for me to know. Just follow his trail, and I'll deal with the rest."

Sakura however shook her head a little. "Not before you tell me what you're planning."

Sakura took a step back as Sasuke fixed her with a furious glare. "Sakura, you WILL take me to Naruto, now!" His forceful voice, combined with Sakura's lack of control over the situation almost made her bolt there. The nail in the coffin came in the form of a small and familiar pug appearing not far from them.

"Found you, you miscreants!" Pakkun howled, his small body not stopping him from speeding towards them. Perhaps, if not fueled by the sudden shock of the dogs appearance, in her already edgy state, Sakura wouldn't have run, but, jumping in fright, she took off, Sasuke following at her heels.

"Get back here!" Pakkun snarled, aggravated. "Kids these days, always doing the stupidest-" His voice was cut off as a large explosion, close to the beginnings of the forest erupted, the force of which could be felt from there. Sakura knew, just knew, that was caused by Naruto. How? The shout, one possibly louder from the explosion, erupted from the same place.

**"LET ME DRINK YOUR BLOOD!"**

That was most assuredly Gaara, and where there was Gaara, there was Naruto. "Sakura, move, there close!" Sasuke, whether he was thinking clearly (Probably not), sped off towards the miniature crater that had been created, the Nin-dog hot on both his and Sakura's heels. The trail of scattered trees uprooted and shattered like twigs were clear signs of Gaara's presence.

"Are you both idiots? You'll be killed!" Pakkun shouted.

Sasuke paid him no heed, though Sakura sent a wary glance behind her. _'K-Killed? Us...?' _

Sakura's dawdling however made Sasuke snap. "Sakura, move it!" He snarled, Sakura's eyes widening in shock, though she obeyed, simply out of dumb surprise.

Part of her that wasn't numbed by his harsh words tried to make heads or tails of the situation. _'Okaaay...I'm heading into a situation that could cost me my life, for a guy who just shouted at me, because I like him...?' _Sakura felt momentary disbelief, and thought for a moment simply stopping then and there, but...something stopped her.

Maybe she was stupidly crushing, or maybe her intelligence needed revising, but she couldn't hinder Sasuke. It wasn't something she was capable of.

_**"BUT HE'S GONNA PAY FOR YELLING AT ME, SHANNARO!" **_Inner Sakura added, cracking her knuckles.

Oh yeah. They were chasing Naruto. Possibly to there deaths. She'd zoned out.

Pakkun followed closely behind them, as they burst through the canopy, into a battlefield.

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Naruto ducked under a vicious swipe of sand, the large tendril veering off and slicing a tree in two, before swerving back, like some weird snake. Gaara stood away, his face stony and indifferent. Those who looked closer however would see the edge of irritation in his eyes, Gaara was growing impatient. Sure, he enjoyed a fight, but he wanted to feed mother already.

Her screams were ever so distracting...

"Enough!" Gaara ran through a short sequence of seals. **"Aka Kaze: Suto mu!" **(Bloody wind: Storm!) Naruto was violently blasted backwards, as a massive wall of air crashed into him, though a stinging sensation on his left cheek caught his attention. Then it hit him. The wind was carrying small flecks of sand in them, very _sharp _flecks of sand.

This wouldn't do at all. Whirling his scythe around, Naruto decided it was time for a comeback. Hurling his blade forwards, Naruto's scythe tore through the wind, like a massive buzz saw towards Gaara. "Che." Said redhead growled, as his sand shot up, absorbing the blow easily. Gaara raised an eyebrow; not believing his opponent would be that naive.

It turned out he was correct, as the apex of the technique sliced Naruto to ribbons, or so it appeared. The scythe, still imbedded in his sand, burst into smoke, revealing Naruto. "Take this: NARUTO MEGA-PUNCH!" Rearing his fist back, Naruto vainly attempted to punch through the sand, although to his credit he left a large dent. "Get off there and die." Gaara said, his eyes narrowing.

Large spikes burst from the shield, but Naruto backpedaled away, landing on a branch close by. His smile, easily readable through his bandages unnerved him however. A soft fizzling was the only warning he got, before his back erupted in fiery pain.

Naruto had to admit, he could make a pretty 'lite ninja when he wanted to be. Gaara had assumed that it was his whole plan to simply punch him. What he didn't anticipate was the time-delayed explosive tag attached to his shield, which had slipped back into his gourd a moment later. The fact Gaara's entire back was now badly singed, the cloths off his back practically gone, was a sign that his shield hadn't been fast enough to stop the brunt of the bomb.

However, as steam lazily drifted off Gaara, Naruto stopped and watched. There was something...odd about the boy. He meant odder then usual.

Gaara slowly sat up, previously hunched over in agony. For someone to have never actually _felt _physical pain, it was a sensation that he would never wish to feel again. Shakily, Gaara slowly stood up, mumbling to himself. "...o...oka-san...it h-hurts...please...don't yell at me...it-it hurts!" Grasping his cranium, Gaara lurched over, before the screaming started.

It made Naruto's, of all peoples, skin crawl. It was like listening to a hundred chalkboards having massive dogs nails dragged across them, as though somewhere, a dozen cats were having there tails stepped on. It was unearthly, to the core.

Then, the change started. Trapped in morbid fascination, Naruto watched, bewildered, as Gaara slowly changed. It looked painful, watching as sand slowly melded with his skin, before massive paw like limbs, morphing his body until what lay before him was barely human. Gaara's screams slowly faltered, before dying, his breath coming out ragged.

When he looked up, Naruto froze. His eyes...once a light, deathly aquamarine, were replaced by gold and black diamonds, straight from the pits of hell. His body matched his eyes. The sand had hardened into a thick armor, the left side of his face morphed into a mock up of a tanuki's face, purple markings like veins running up and down his body.

His arms to were now massive, capable of batting away tree trunks with ease. He resembled, in a morbid way, a huge tanuki. A really demonic on at that, with even a large and bushy tail shifting dangerously about.

"Give me...YOUR BLOOOOOOOOOOD!" He suddenly shrieked out, leaping forwards at speeds Naruto would have never guessed. Ducking a large palm, he had no time to react as the tail whipped violently around, tearing into him and sending him spinning away. Cracking harshly into a tree trunk, he opened his eyes and ducked, as the top half of the tree, where his head had stood a moment ago, was split in half.

Courtesy of Gaara.

_'Dammit, what the hell is this kid?!'_ Naruto thought blandly to himself, ducking behind a tree trunk before Gaara saw.

"Where are you, prey?! I'll find you if I have to tear this forest apart!!" He shrieked. Naruto made a note that his voice could go pretty high when he wanted to. If he ever got the chance to remember it.

The crashing of trees left and right signified Gaara wasn't going to wait for him to show himself, preferring to simply demolish the forest until through some luck he managed to find or decapitate the blonde. _'I need a plan, I need something, anything!' _Naruto thought desperately to himself.

Gaara, meanwhile, was growing ever frustrated. This boy, this...Naruto...was making mother edgier then he'd ever seen her. Worse then when those children had mocked him as a child, worse then when he committed his first murder, worse then any other time. She hated the blonde, more then anyone, even him!

That had unnerved him, considering how close he was to her.

Crashing several trees with a single swipe, Gaara shifted his head. Perhaps he could smell the boy? No, he smelled of to many things, especially the forest. It'd be impossible to smell him out. Shukaku was exuding too much Chakra to sense him; it created a peripheral wall around him, preventing him from doing so.

Cracking his jaw, Tanu-Gaara ran clumsily through some seals, obviously not adept at using Jutsu in this form. **"Daisen no Me: En Masse" **(The third eye: En Masse. Yes its french, or spanish, I don't know, but it sounded like it fit, so there) Dozen's of eyes constructed from sand split from his body, drifting lazily about, scanning the clearing. This would always be an insanely confusing technique for Gaara, but it served its purpose.

Each shifted left and right, scanning the flora, searching for their target. It wasn't long, before the still heavily breathing Naruto would be flushed out. One eye, spinning about a spot, suddenly stopped, zeroing in on a small patch of blonde hair. "Bingo..." Gaara hissed, morphing his sand into a large shuriken, before hurling the blade at the trunk.

It was satisfying, watching the tree torn apart. It would have been more satisfying if there had been a blood-curdling scream to go with it. Gaara hissed, as he realized he'd missed.

"Over here!" Naruto's all to familiar voice caught his attention, and whirling around, he realized almost to late that Naruto was planning on charging. Licking his lips, Gaara charged to meet him.

It was at this point, Sakura's shout of surprise caught Naruto's attention. Gaara however, not distracted, lept at the chance, whirling around and crashing his full force into Naruto's chest, hurtling him to the side like a rag-doll. The satisfying crunch he made with the wood was particularly nice, Gaara chortled to himself, turning his partially transformed head towards Sakura, and to his delight, Sasuke.

"Fresh meat..." Gaara licked his lips at the thought.

"Sakura, Sasuke, what the hell are you doing here, get out of here now!" Naruto shakily stood up, leaning against a tree-trunk, his voice wracked with pain. His ribs and arm were possibly broken, the latter of which hung limply at his side. Sasuke however paid him no heed, instead fixating on Gaara. "Sabaku no Gaara, you'll not get in my way, I have plans." Sasuke hissed, twirling two kunai out, and charging at Gaara.

Sakura on the other hand was frozen stiff, shaking. This was bad, bad things always happened in forests. Their encounter with Orochimaru in the Forest of Deathwas testament to that. Flashbacks, coupled with a sudden spell of vertigo made her double over, shaking into a fetal position.

_'Oh god...IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!' _Sakura's eyes clamped shut, trying to shut out the flashes of memory, each one more terrifying then the last. Kokuzoku's body falling lifelessly to the ground, Sasuke, picked up with ease towards awaiting fangs, pain searing her stomach as Orochimaru chortled in their expense.

Then, a hand on her shoulder snapped her out of the small lock she had put herself in. "Yo." Naruto, still leaning against the bark said, giving her shoulder a firm squeeze. "You okay, Sakura-san?"

Her eyes shook for a moment, before she hastily wiped them. "Y-yes, I'm fine. Just stressed." She said, watching as Sasuke danced around his opponent.

"You know, your friend is going to get hurt if he stays in there to long. That red-head's crazier then eight squirrels hopped up on caffeine." Naruto joked, though Sakura didn't laugh.

In fact, she got a little upset. "How can you joke at a time like this?! Any moment, Gaara will notice and try to kill us, and if not, none of us are strong are strong enough to take Gaara!" Sakura finished harshly, poking Naruto.

Who winced, as his ribs, for some reason, hadn't quite finished healing yet.

"S-sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood. But your right, Gaara's to strong for any of us to take on alone, so we surprise him by combining our abilities. Here, I have a plan..."

Meanwhile, Gaara swung his gargantuan palm at the lithe Sasuke once again, to no avail. Sasuke in turn was growing increasingly agitated, as his opponent was showing no weak points; his armor was just too strong. Landing on a branch, Sasuke twisted around, using it like a poll before he swung away in midair, spinning.

Gaara, seeing an opening, pointed his arm towards Sasuke, willing barrage of kunai-shaped sand towards him. To Gaara's surprise and satisfaction, Sasuke's head whipped around, a moment to late as the kunai hit center, embedding deeply into his chest, head and legs.

His satisfaction was short lived, as the Sasuke there burst into a shredded log, making Gaara growl. A quick, sudden movement caught his attention, and spinning around, Gaara found out what it was. Sasuke's foot connected harshly with Gaara's scalp, but instead of taking off, in mid-fall he spring-boarded off Gaara's body, spun around and let loose a fire technique, straight down at the still falling Gaara.

**"KATON: GOUKYAKU NO JUTSU!" **The steaming ball of hell-fire streamed at Gaara, enveloping him in a thick billow of flames. The branches of the forest burst into light, before the large pillar of twisting smoke blocked out the sun. Sasuke landed on one of the branches not aflame, heaving sharp breaths as sweat practically poured down his forehead. "That should do it..." A smug grin crept onto his face.

His self-praise was cut short however, as a massive hand, constructed from sand, burst from the center of the fire, bits of glass dotting it. Sasuke didn't have a chance to react, as it violently gripped him, swinging him left and right, cracking his head into several trees, before hurling him to the ground. Gaara, whose hair was singed, as well as his newly added Tanuki-fied ears, cracked his glass-encrusted knuckles, advancing towards his fallen enemy.

"Hey!" Stopping, Gaara turned, his face fixing into a snarl. Naruto stood there, his scythe held at his side, as his cloak billowed in the fire-heated wind. "Its unforgivable to strike an opponent when they're down, you pansy!" Naruto's stare, like a blade, cut into Gaara's almost feral look. This didn't deter the redhead however.

"Die!" He whipped his hand forwards into the ground, sending a large wave of enveloping sand to capture and crush the blonde. Naruto made no attempt to move as the sand enveloped him, crushing him harshly. Gaara didn't laugh however, as his sixth-sense kicked up. This turned true as the Naruto before him fazed out of existence.

_'BUNSHIN?!' _He growled, eyes clenching. A movement to the side caught his attention, and turning, Gaara bit back a howl of rage. Sakura it seemed had been trying to take advantage of his distracted attention, moving to grab her fallen comrade. Gaara moved to lunge at her, but a terrific kick to his face made him lurch backwards. Shaking his head, he looked at Uzumaki Naruto, leg outstretched.

"Man, you really have issues with attention. You should pay attention to everything around you, no matter what." Naruto spun his scythe around, pointing the blade preparedly at Gaara. Gaara however, chuckled...

"You...are a fool. Running around, defending people weaker then you, that's PATHETIC!!" Gaara's voice snarled. Naruto didn't flinch, although Sakura froze for a moment, before hastening to the trees with Sasuke in her arms. "Bonds lead to death, you should know that. Every time someone steps in to save their comrades from me, they die. Painfully." Gaara cackled insanely.

"And do you know why? Because, their bonds anchor them to dead weight, they put faith in those who are doomed to die. You can't defeat something that's unbeatable, your better off just leaving your two lambs to suffer. You at least stand a _chance _then..." Gaara whispered the last part. Naruto however scoffed, looking away from the mutant boy, before staring back at him, oozing confidence.

"You know, your an idiot, you know that? Here you are, lecturing about all this bullshit, you don't even know about. Bonds, defending those weaker then you, those are things a _Friend _does, something you probably don't understand. You don't understand it, so your first thought is to attack it outright. Its not that you're strong, your more scared then anything. In some ways, I pity you, Sabaku no Gaara.

"But any pity I might have for you is going to the side, because for hurting my friends, you will DIE!" Naruto finished the sentence, coiling his legs back to eviscerate the redhead.

"GuAAAH!" Sakura's shrill voice stopped him however, Naruto whirling around to see what the commotion was. His heart nearly stopped.

Sakura's arms and legs were enveloped in sand; its slowly coiling strands holding her in place as she struggled helplessly. _'When did he...?!' _Naruto cried out inwardly as Gaara's voice cackled behind him.

"If you're wondering, that's why I was giving that little speech, keep you distracted. Wasn't it you who said 'You should always pay attention to everything around you'? CHE-HAHA!" Gaara chuckled.

Naruto whirled on him, his scythe brandished to slice him in two, and Gaara however raised a finger before the lightning fast swing could take place. In the trees, Sakura gave a sudden shout as a thin, sharp tendril of sand lashed out, cutting her across her abdomen. Gaara laughed. "That little trick of swinging faster then the normal eye can see won't work on me. Make even the slightest movement I don't want you to, and I'll kill her!"

Naruto shook, visibly, before he slowly crept into a standing position. Gaara's delight never ceased, as he circled around him like a predator seeking to kill his prey, murmuring under his breath. "...what to do...hm...maybe...oh, yes...yes, that will...mmmm, I don't...yes, yes I like that, good mother, good." He resolutely stopped, raising his hand to the tree and pulling invisible strings he could only touch.

Instantly, Sakura was ripped from the tree, crying out as she was thrown to the ground painfully. Overhead, the sky's blue light, its creeping light only barely passing through the thick clouds of smoke added a dread-like sense to the scene. Gaara loved it.

She weakly tried to resist Gaara's grip, and was met with a massive wave of pain coiling her arm as Gaara's grip increased to the point where her bones creaked. "S-Sakura, its alright. We'll be fine, just, do what he says. He wants to kill me, not you." Naruto said, Sakura now believing his words however.

"No, I'm not Naruto. I'm not here just to kill you, all life exists to be killed by me." Gaara's eyes grew an even more demented light to them, Sakura visibly shaking as sand crept off of him. It slowly sifted across the ground, much slower then it normally would have for Gaara's amusement, before it stopped, pooling at Naruto's feat.

"Now...Sakura was it?" Gaara didn't wait for her to answer, as she made a sudden struggle, him suddenly grabbing her neck, pivoting her chin towards Naruto. "Your going to watch, as your _'friend'" _Gaara spat "Dies a slow and horrible death." Gaara smiled wickedly at her, Sakura visibly shaking, though to no avail, as her sand restraints, and blood loss from her chest wound, made it impossible to escape.

The sand, as one flung itself along Naruto's ankles, before he was pulled down. "Grragh!" Naruto growled, struggling against its pulled, before only his head and left arm were visible above the sand.

"I always did like the prey that fight for there lives, but I'm weary of you. DIE ALREADY!" Gaara's control of the sand became overpowering, it pulled his head completely under, and then, darkness...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After what felt like hours, Naruto's eyes opened. A dank, wet smell, like mildew and sickness met his nose, making him shake his head furiously to clear it from the ankle high, murky water he lay in. Standing up, he scanned around himself, shaking off the water. "...what...the hell is this...?" He asked, taking in his surroundings.

It was like walking into a sewer with the upholstery of a prison. Cement floors, walls and ceilings, lined with black tubing dominated the place, giving a sense of despair to the entire facility. Black doorways, black as in there wasn't a sufficient amount of light to illuminate the door less hallways they led to stood imposingly left and right to him. "Wow...gotta get the decorator for this hellhole..." Naruto said sarcastically to himself.

Any normal person would have simply stopped for a moment, and began to rationally tick off how they had gotten into wherever they were, and selected the appropriate action. Any normal person would have also smacked themselves in the head at Naruto's choice in handling the situation. "Enie, meanie, minie, mo, catch a tiger by the toe, when he hollers, let him go, enie, meanie, minie, MO!" His finger landed on a random door, and forgoing general sanity, he headed down the hallway.

For a few tense minutes, nothing could be heard, save the splash of water against his feat. Naruto was growing more and more disoriented with each passing moment. Was he heading the right direction, and if not, which one was the right direction? Was there even a right direction? Shaking his head, he continued forward.

Then, on the horizon, a speck of light caught his attention. Speeding up, Naruto realized it was an exit, one filled with a brilliant light, and for a moment, he hoped it was his salvation, but then, as he passed through the hallowed doorway, his face contorted in shock.

It was like he was a flea in a GIANT tigers cage. Bars taller then he could see stretched from the ground up, blocking off the other half of the simply massive room. Behind the bars, nothing but an endless pit of darkness stretched, though from it, something foreboding lurked, he could tell. Then, an ominous voice spoke up.

_"Boy...come here..." _

Naruto's entire body shook at the voice, one that he both was completely unfamiliar with, and all too familiar with. _"Don't worry...I won't bite..." _The voice spoke, though it didn't reassure Naruto. But, Naruto had to know who it was, if his suspicions were correct. Because if he was right, then this being could potentially be the only one who could help him.

Breathing before exhaling, Naruto took one slow and steady step forwards. With each step, he came closer to the cage, before he stood a mere twenty steps from its bars. The voice beckoned however _"...just...a little...closer..."_ Naruto shivered at the very thought of moving closer, before he took another ten steps, he was now barely out of arms reach.

The slightest movement caught his attention, as a red-bandana, ghostly white, sharp-toothed skull poked out of the bars. "THERE! Now I can see you!...have you ever considered a hair-cut, your scalps pretty unruly." The ominous voiced skeleton said, the rest of his body coming into view.

Skeletal body, blue ragged jeans on bony legs, two large clawed palms capable of slicing anything within arms reach.

Jashin, the god.

"You made me walk all that way...TO GET A BETTER LOOK AT ME?!" Naruto lashed out verbally, the stress of walking across a lakes distance just to be told his hair was unruly seriously miffing him.

"Gah! Jeez, kid, not so loud, I haven't heard someone talk for years! My ears are a little sensitive, m'kay?" Jashin shrank back, covering the sides of his skull where ears normally would be present on a person.

Silence reigned for a few moments, before Jashin Straightened up. "Alright boyo, listen up, because we don't have a lotta time here. You have a problem, and I have a problem; likewise, you have a solution, I have a solution. You want to save your friends from dying a death only possible in an ungodly nightmare, and me..."

"I want a little more freedom." Naruto's eyes widened, Jashin's words carrying such force that he took a step backwards. "What do you think I am, crazy?! I can't let you go free, not after what you've done!"

Naruto pointedly accusingly at Jashin, who raised his arms in defense. "No, no, you've got me all wrong. I understand you won't be setting me clean and free, and I'm okay with that...

"However, I want out of here, on account...its so GOD DAMNED BORING IN HERE! Seriously, I'd have killed myself already, if I could die, but you know, the whole 'I'm a god, comes with the description' thing, I can't really escape here. Now, I understand you may be skeptical, but I assure you, I only want to be out of here on a slightly conscious level. I'd be tethered to you, all my power sealed way inside your body. I simply ask you give me leeway to, well, just wander around a little, enjoy life, and maybe gamble until I'm broke. That's all I want. Hell, I won't even kill anyone, scouts honor!"

Naruto gave him a skeptical look; it wasn't every day your saluted in scout fashion by a skeletal God of carnage. "Your sure that's exactly how it works?"

Jashin vigorously nodded his head, though Naruto was still suspicious, to the point where he gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh...no, this is a bad idea, I just know it!"

Jashin, despite lacking major facial features, fixed Naruto with an accusing glare. "What kind of world do we live in when a poor misguided boy, who simply wishes to save two preteens from a grisly fate, can't barter with an insane skeletal nightmare? What world I ask you?! Look, its not like you have a lot of choices here, you either can wake up hours after there dead, or you can choose my method, and save them.

"It's your choice Naruto, just say the word." Jashin turned around, and sat cross-legged on the ground, leaving Naruto to think to himself.

_"Crap! He knows I have to do this, he just knows it! But...what if like last time...?' _Inwardly quarreled with himself, before sighing in defeat. "Fine, but NOBODY dies, you hear me, not even Gaara! Although up until now he hasn't really given me reason to keep him alive, I REFUSE TO ABADE BY YOUR RULES!"

Jashin, for all intents and purposes, quirked an invisible eyebrow, before "Oooooh!"ing. "Right, right, yeah, the religion thing...yeah, whatever, I could care less. Besides, you've wracked up quite a number, I suppose I can give you some leeway..." He trailed off, before standing up to face him.

Naruto raised a suspicious eyebrow as Jashin stuck one of his clawed palms through the bars. "The contract is set, all that I require from you is a gesture of truce. In other words, shake my damn hand, and you get to save your friends. Just remember, hold up on your end, or I'll eat your skin." Jashin finished nonchalantly. Naruto raised an eyebrow, shook his head, and grasped the clawed palm.

Instantly long, black trails of Chakra sped along his skin, creeping up his body, before resting on his forehead in the shape of a seal, a star surrounded by a circle. "Oh, and before I forget, this miiiiiight sting a little..."

Naruto's world suddenly exploded into agony-

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Sakura had never in her life felt such pain as she was in now. Her legs had given out from the agony, as a pool of blood formed at her feet. Her vision was bleary, her head felt like it was underwater, and all in all, her predicament couldn't get much worse. Gaara was currently entertaining himself with her, his delight at murdering Naruto seeming to set him in a good mood.

It was probably the only reason he hadn't killed her yet. Another tendril of sand lashed out like a whip, cutting into her abdomen, shredding her dress. She would have cared, had the pain not made her almost vomit. Sand around Sakura's wrist stopped her from falling to the ground.

Gaara however was growing bored. Mother was growing feistier, suggesting he do something particularly bloody, and unsurprisingly cruel things to the girl. Gaara however, was curious about something. It was true he was enjoying her pain, but still, he needed to know...

"What...makes a bond so important to a person?" He asked, walking slightly forwards before his eyes were inches from the nearly unconscious girls. "If you're going to die, why do you not just run away? You could escape, not now, but you could have. Why?" Sakura shook her head, trying to shake off the fog, before she fixed Gaara with a stare.

"Y-you wouldn't u-u-understand. N-Naruto was my c-comrade, and I would have died for him. W-we would h-have d-d-died for each other. Because that is w-what fr-friends do-" Sakura had no time to react as Gaara's enlarged claws wrapped around her throat. Gaara's mind was a haze now, his fury at the mere utterance of the word friend sending him ballistic.

"Why?! What's the point, bonds don't prove an existence; blood does!! What's the point of living if you don't kill, why do any of you exist, because of these bonds?! Things that lead only to death?! Why, why do you EXIST?!" Gaara threw Sakura to the ground, Sakura gasping for air moments later.

"Your friend, Naruto, should have known better then to rely on bonds, because now-NOW HE'S DEAD!" Sakura tried weakly to sit up, only succeeding in leaning on one elbow. Her eyes however never left the slowly approaching Gaara, whose mutterings had reached their apex. "Your friend paid the price for a bond.-" His claws elongated and sharpened, become massive knives capable of rendering her to pieces.

"-And soon, so will you!" Gaara was now a foot away, his palm raised. Sakura, like a trapped animal lay petrified on the ground, blood loss and fatigue combined with Gaara's killer intent rooting her to the spot. _'I-is this really how I'm going to...die?'_ She cried out to anyone for help as tears broke through her eyelids. Gaara, in an insane rage, snarled viciously.

"Your PRECIOUS friend is gone, and he's never coming back!" Gaara cackled as he set his palm in near slow motion moved to split her in two.

_Snap_

The noise caused Gaara to stop, his claws inches from tearing Sakura to ribbons. Craning his head in irritation, Gaara's eyes landed on a bloody pile of sand that was Naruto's grave, and widened his eyes in shock.

The arm that had once belonged to the deceased Uzumaki was still held out of the pile of sand at an unhealthy angle, its broken bones disfiguring it. This would have normally not alarmed Gaara if it weren't for the fact it was _pointing in the opposite angle._ As Gaara watched, it twitched slightly, before snapping another joint in place.

For five more seconds this process repeated, the dead and disfigured arm bending itself back into place, before it was ominously drawn back into the pile of sand.

Silence, the only sound was the roaring flames that Sasuke's technique had ignited filling the forest, before, the sand shifted. First, it was difficult to make out, before a blonde mope of hair, trailing said, popped from the dune, followed by a hunched cloaked body. Naruto's arms dangled uselessly at his sides, his palms facing downwards as more trails of sand fell off him, giving the impression of a sandy puppet with its strings cut.

Then, his arms raised, both from his sides outwards. His palms pointed to them, and then, a bloody snap was heard.

His fingers exploded into shreds, thing wisps of skin fluttering down like shreds of paper. It was behind the flurry of shreds that made Gaara worried. His fingers had been replaced by two sets of menacing claws, white and bony. The small alcove stood still for a moment, before Gaara smirked.

"Prey that refuses to die? You are an interesting one, **ne, Uzumaki Naruto**?" Gaara's voice warped part ways through as he spilled more of the Shukaku's youkai into his body. Naruto remained silent for a moment, before he slowly raised his head.

Sakura's angle, and resent blood and air loss made it difficult to see him, but from what she could make out chilled her to the bone. Naruto's bandages were wrought tight, the wraps being pulled backwards by a maw of razor-sharp fangs. This alone would have terrified even the most veteran Shinobi, if it weren't for his eyes; hellish black pits into an endless vacuum, seemingly sucking the very color of the world with them. Naruto, massive bony claws, muzzle of razor sharp teeth, and pitch-black voids for eyes chuckled.

_"Ne...Gaara...who are you calling prey?" _Naruto chuckled, before disappearing with blinding speed. The only inclination that Naruto had even moved was the rush of air that brushed the back of his neck. Pivoting around, he stared at the bloodstained grass that Sakura had lain not a moment ago, now empty.

Scanning the forest, he growled frustrated, Naruto seeming to have disappeared.

In the treetops, the Jashin-powered blonde attempted to revive the unconscious Sasuke by tapping him lightly, when that didn't work, he frowned, before he bit down on his hand. That did it.

Sasuke would have screamed in shock at the blonde's appearance, but Naruto slapped his hand around his mouth before he could utter a word. Using sign language, he pointed to the ground below, and Sasuke's eyes widened. Gaara, unaware of there location, prowled the forest floor like a hungry animal, watching for any movements.

Taking his hand off Sasuke's mouth, Naruto whispered in a low voice "You have to get Sakura to a safer location. Take her in that direction, and stay out of sight. I'll face Gaara while you two get away, alright?" Naruto sent Sasuke an icy glare when the boy gave an indignant look.

"What the hell did you do to yourself, Naruto? What's with your eyes, your mouth, your h-"

Naruto slapped his clawed hand over Sasuke's mouth again. "There's no time to answer that, just take Sakura and go!" Naruto said in finality, before leaping off the tree with a swish of his cloak. Sasuke huffed, before turning to his teammate and nearly falling out of the tree in horror.

Sakura was **covered **in slash marks, all across her midsection, creating a criss-cross of thin, line slashes. It was a wound that would kill her if she didn't get treatment soon; some of the more recent ones were still bleeding through her clothing. Sasuke shook his head as random flashbacks of the massacre suddenly resurfaced, before he steeled himself, took her in his arms and sped off.

Simultaneously, Naruto leapt towards the unsuspecting Gaara, landing a few meters behind him. Gaara shifted his head towards him, only to have a side of his face sheared by large white claws. Gaara spun around, clutching the side of his scalp as the sand quickly regenerated. Naruto stood behind him, crouched while facing away, palm still outstretched in memory of the blow he'd just connected.

It made Gaara feel like he was mocking him. Which sent him into a whole other kind of frenzy.

Gaara dove at Naruto, who leapt over and cart wheeled around Gaara's tail. Gaara snarled, willing his sand to break away and fly at high speeds at Naruto, intent on crushing him in mid-air. Naruto, defenseless, raised his arms to absorb the blow and with a resounding crack, both arms were broken by the force of Gaara's sand.

Naruto's now clawed hands hung limply at his sides, before a resounding crack was heard, his joints and bone matter falling back into place. Rather painfully, judging from Naruto's face. Gaara enjoyed that, though was disgruntled to learn his opponent could regenerate.

Again, the two met, Gaara ducking a scythe blow, before upper-cutting his opponent. However, this missed, Naruto taking advantage at his opponent's surprise, grabbing this arm, and with a great heave, swung Gaara over his shoulder, into the trees. Gaara's now aerial body crashed into the currently burning tree, before scampering along the branches.

Naruto rebounded up to the tree-tops, the two of them engaging in a monster's duel of sorts, one avoiding the others attacks and then meeting them with there own. Naruto rolled forwards kicking his feet up only to be swatted way like a bug. At his velocity, he would have spun to the forest floor, had he not dug his claws along a branch, halting his fall and carving deep grooves into the wood.

Oddly enough, shortly afterwards, the wood began to die...

This went right over Naruto's head however; he was to immerse in the long, swishing motions of his scythe, each swipe carving deep lacerations in Gaara's tough hide. Gaara growled, blasting Naruto away with a burst of air to give himself some breathing space. Naruto however wasn't about to give him such a thing, as the moment his foot touched the ground, he sped at near supersonic speeds, and planted his fist deep in Gaara's stomach.

The sand armor, thick as it was, didn't absorb the entire blow, Gaara's sudden loss of air a sign of this. Despite this, the retaliation blow Gaara sent Naruto's way still hurt like hell. Naruto cartwheeled away, landing in a crouch as he waited for the long scars Gaara had so graciously bestowed on his chest to heal.

**"ENOUGH!" **Gaara hissed, before raising his hands. Like a tidal wave, sand rose from the earth itself, before enveloping Gaara in a massive dune. Naruto stared surprised at it, before a rumbling from below was heard. From the dune, sprang something that startled and chilled Naruto, because from the sands sprang a gargantuan monster.

The Shukaku, the Ichibi.

"Naruto...I WILL KILL YOU!" Gaara snarled, high atop the monsters forehead, like a small, redheaded pimple. Placing his hands in a seal, a tense second rolled by before Gaara went limp, and his arms dangling helplessly. Naruto stood below, nervously twirling his scythe, waiting for the inevitable tide-turning technique to come into effect. He wasn't disappointed.

The air suddenly exploded in killer-intent unlike anything Naruto had ever experienced. The previously unmoving mountain of sand suddenly sprang to life, its tail crushing fields of trees as it lashed, its insane eyes suddenly dancing around the landscape, a predatory gleam emanating from its large, star-shaped pupils.

**"FREEEEEEDOM!" **Naruto blanched at its voice, which sounded like a combination of screaming clams being rubbed against a chalkboard. **"MURDER! MAYHEM! DESTRUCTION! ALCHOHAL! SO, SO WONDERFUL!! WHO, WHO WANTS TO DIE FIRST!!" **The tanuki quirkily asked no one, scanning the forests.

Unfortunately for Naruto, because of the fact that Shukaku, the Ichibi's tail had just crushed the trees Sasuke had lit, stopping the flames and thus dousing the smoke, he no longer had a large and thick a shadow to hide behind, and thus was an easy to spot target in a field full of green. The tanuki's eyes looked down at him, before they frowned.

Hunching down very low, the tanuki's massive eyes squinted as he made out Naruto's features. For a brief moment, it just stared dumbly, its pupils tiny, before its face clenched in rage. The killer-intent before was nothing compared to the ocean that suddenly welled up from the demons eyes.

**"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! VILE BEAST, COME BACK TO FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED?! YOU WON'T CLAIM ME, YOU'LL NEVER CLAIM ME, I'LL BE GOD ONE DAY! SHOW ME THE COLOR OF YOUR BLOOD, SHINIGAMI!!" **Naruto's confusion at the comment was doused by the shockwave of air that filled his ears, blowing the surrounding forest backwards, trees tossed as though they were twigs in the wake of Shukaku's scream.

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Sasuke, for the life of him, wondered just what grade of an explosion that was. The tree he occupied, much larger and sturdier, managed barely to hang on as others flew past, branches, leaves and bark flailing everywhere as the entire forest shook.

_'Naruto, what the hell are you doing!?' _Sasuke shouted to himself, the unconscious, heavily bandaged and pale body of Sakura in his arms, clutched tight to prevent her from blowing away like many an unfortunate tree. Prior to that, he had found a safer spot to attend to her wounds, she would have died if not for the bandages and blood pills he had on hand.

And Kakashi said it was a dumb idea to have extra bandages on hand specifically for his appearance, ha!

That was thirty seconds ago, before the world suddenly exploded into a violent storm, and all Sasuke could think, as he held tight and hoped to whatever deity would listen, _'Naruto, what the hell are you doing?!'_

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For those of you who have ever attempted to dodge a small walking desert, here are some tips, courtesy of Naruto:

1) if you ever find yourself in a situation where a giant homicidal tanuki (raccoon-dog in Japanese) made of sand is intent on killing you, try not to be seen.

2) if you are in fact seen, run, run as far as you can, as fast as you can.

3) being immortal has its perks.

Another sphere of wind, tearing, ripping and spinning missed Naruto by inches, before it erupted in the foliage behind him, obliterating yet another patch of trees. Vaguely, Naruto thought to himself as he sped along the grasses, that perhaps the environmentalists might not be to keen on his methods.

That would have to wait for later.

His currently pitch black eyes scanned the towering figure of Shukaku, as it curled its hand up, its toothy mouth drawn up in a manic grin. With a whistling noise, Naruto realized that Shukaku intended to crush him. Out of a combination of skill, predicting where and how the palm was going to come down, and a lot of luck, Naruto managed to slip in between the paws clawed fingers.

This didn't make it hurt any less as the air under the palm rushed out, blasting and rolling Naruto away. Standing up on shaking hands, Naruto whipped his face as he realized two of his fangs were missing, the bleeding gaps reminiscent to this. He had no time to protest, as Shukaku took the moment to raise his other hand, and make another swipe at Naruto.

This time, Naruto ran though several seals, before disappearing underground as a small tunnel opened up, moments before the palm crashed down on top of the spot he had been moments ago.

Shukaku, caught by surprise, just looked at his bloodless palm and growled. This boy was beginning to aggravate him. And it is unwise to aggravate a demon.

In the forests, hidden by the foliage, Naruto sat on his butt, in front of a small hole, breathing heavily. "Shit huff shit...this is bad..." He closed his eyes, trying to regain some stamina. His current tactic of trying vainly to get close enough to the tanuki from the ground wasn't going to work, and truthfully, he had no idea what to do when he was even on the bastard.

From the back of his head, a prickling sensation sprang up, before a familiar, distorted voice swept his mindscape.

_**"h-hello? This thing on? Yeah, uh, what are you doing?" **_Jashin's all to familiar voice sprang up, much to Naruto's shock and annoyance. Naruto didn't think, speak or breathe for a few seconds, the sound of dull thuds from Shukaku's feet in the distance. Eventually, he responded.

_'Um...okay...how or why are you talking to me in my head, you skeletal freak?' _

_**"Plot-device mostly."**_

Naruto quirked an eyebrow in the real world. _'Plot-device?'_

Panicked scrambling on the other end of his mind-link was heard, before Jashin responded. _**"Uh, I mean, I am the mighty Jashin, the god! Your puny...weak...mortal mind cannot hope to contain me!"**_

_'...'_

_**"...your not buying any of this are you?"**_

_'Well I'd kinda figure you would have used this mind-link thing already, instead of waiting so long.'_

_**"For simplicities sake, lets just pretend I can, and just not question it."**_

_'But you didn't-'_

_**"NO QUESTIONS!" **_Jashin screamed verbally, awkward silence ensuing.

_**"oooooooooo...kay, anywho, I couldn't help noticing your current predicament. Might I suggest 'NOT' being an idiot?"**_ Naruto's frown couldn't actually be felt on the other end of the link.

_'And your suggestions are, oh annoying one?' _

There was a brief silence, Shukaku's stomping again filling the background, before Jashin responded. _**"Okay, fine, you don't want my super-awesome orgasmorphic information that will give you the knowledge needed to kick this squirrelly SOB, fine, I'm perfectly happy to just stay quiet, and watch you suffer." **_

Naruto sighed. _'Sorry, sorry, I'm just having a really stressful day, and then there's that guy, and honestly, the whole 'mind-link' thing kinda confused me, but, I'm open to suggestions.' _There was another pause, coupled with more, slightly louder stomping.

_**"Eh, fine, your suffering never really was that interesting anyway. All right, you may not be open to the idea, but I have in my arsenal of Jutsu, a particularly handy technique. If your willing, I can help you perform it. Its Taijutsu, if your wondering, so you don't need no chanting, but it's almost a Ninjutsu technique, hence why you need my help."**_

_'...o...kay?'_

_**"Alright. You may experience some light-headedness, and insanity-" **_A powerful sense of vertigo suddenly assaulted Naruto's senses, and he nearly fell over sitting. Raising his head shakily, Naruto quickly learned what Jashin meant by insanity. 

It was like, everything was just...really funny. Everything. The fact he was facing a monster capable of turning him into a red smear on the landscape, the fact he was sharing his head with a psychotic skeleton, everything he had ever suffered, everything he had ever wanted and failed to acquire. It was just so very hilarious.

It was an uplifting, and horrifying experience.

"Heheheheheh...Its funny, you know, I never really thought leaves were so funny, but there just...so dang loopy! Whichever the wind blows, the blow as well, like there acrobats for a really strick ringmaster! Go ringmaster, go, make the leaves dance for poor bored Naruto!" He laughed, his head swaying left and right.

_**"Yes, well then, back to business-"**_

"Mr. Jashin person skeleton jerkwad, why is the sky so blue? I mean, light-refraction and all that makes sense, but why not a different color on the spectrum? What about orange? Or that other one, with all the red. What was that one called again...?" Naruto said off-handedly, Jashin frowning a little.

Or as much as a skeleton with a bandana for half of his head could frown.

_**"Okay, thats great, but moving on-" **_

"PURPLE! That's the one, yeah, purple! I like purple, its just so orange."

_**"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH NARUTO! Do you want your friends to die or something?"**_

Naruto stopped for a moment, this question piercing the fog of his current insanity. "N...no...unless it'd be funny, I guess it would be though, since everything's funny. I don't know, maybe?" Jashin slapped his clawed palm to his head.

_**"Look...you...hmmmm...wait, yeah! Hey, Naruto, you know what'd be reeeeeeally, reeeeeeally funny?"**_

Naruto perked up a little. "Nooooo...what?" Jashin smirked, or as well as he could.

_**"It'd be really funny if you went over there to that big, mean tanuki, and beat him up."**_

Naruto cocked his head to the side. "It...would?"

Jashin nodded. _**"Yeah, yeah! He'd be all, 'Oh, I have been defeated by a tiny mortal, I am a bum-faced cankerblossum! I must go into hiding to sing soap-opera music for being so shamed'! It'll be really hilarious, riiiiight?" **_Naruto thought for a moment, before nodding vigorously.

_**"Goooood...Now, if we're gonna beat him, you need to do exactly as I tell you, oookay?" **_

Naruto frowned. "You know, I'm not a baby, I don't appreciate being talked down to-hey look a dandelion! There freakin' hilarious!" Naruto absently plucked it up, before tossing it to the side.

_**"...right, well. Here's what I need you to do to set this up-"**_

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Shukaku scanned the forest, his hunched back tense has he summoned Chakra to his gut, crashing his hand into it and obliterating another patch of trees. He was growing aggravated and steadily more paranoid as the minutes rolled by. He knew better than to believe his prey had left, its Chakra still permeated the air, though it wasn't strong enough to pick up on.

Shukaku growled again, whirling around and smashing another patch of trees, slowly trying to smoke the blonde out. Normally, for all intents, Shukaku would have just summoned a mountain of sand and suffocated the whole place, but this boy...

He would need to save some of his strength for this. Despite his insanity, Shukaku wasn't an idiot. By no means was he smart, but he had the capacity to know how to handle an enemy like this.

It had been many a century since a Shinigami had come to him.

And it would be a long time before he forgot what _they_ were capable of.

A sudden outburst of Chakra caught his attention, and whirling around again, Shukaku raised his palm in preparation of a crushing impact. It didn't come however, as Shukaku realized that the Chakra he had felt a moment before was now behind him. Cursing, Shukaku spun, intent on facing his opponent. And again, he was sorrowfully mistaken.

A third time, the Chakra signature was behind him, but this time, Shukaku was ready. Moments before it intercepted him, his tail violently lashed out, at speeds thought not possible for the mass of sand. Shukaku laughed as the Chakra signature disappeared instantly, snuffed out with the blow.

How he loved to kill.

This happiness was short lived, as he realized that the signature wasn't gone, it was being masked. And from what he could make out, was traveling up his tail. Snarling, Shukaku whirled on the offending limb, eyes locking on the body of Uzumaki Naruto, perched with one clawed hand in his sand-tail, pitch dark eyes boring into him, leaking killer-intent his scythe held in his other hand.

Shukaku growled harder.

Simultaneously, Shukaku lashed his tail to throw the blonde off, as Naruto lept a superhuman distance onto his back. He was moving up said tanuki's back until a massive palm suddenly bent around, and enclosing around him, help tight. Shukaku howled violently as Naruto exploded out the other side of his palm, before taking off along the length of his arm.

Attempting to slap him like an annoying bug, Shukaku only succeeded in smacking a large amount of sand of his arm as Naruto traveled up its length, hurtling along as he dragged hit scythe along its tough sandy skin, leaving behind a trail. In fury, Shukaku placed its palm at its shoulder, and dragged it across, hoping to swipe the annoying pest of a blonde off.

Naruto spiraled under the palm, rebounding the area where a ribcage would normally be, before spring boarding straight upward. Shukaku looked down at an annoying pest as said be reared his leg back, and kneed him sharply in the face.

It is incredibly powerful sights to see a small boy of about thirteen land a blow strong enough to force a demon's head straight up. Naruto's launching jump was apparently beyond superhuman, as he continued to climb higher into the sky. Shukaku's eyes remained transfixed as Naruto reached the apex of his climb.

_"This-" _Naruto said though no one could hear, his voice distorted.

**"-Is the fun part." **Jashin added in his mindscape. Running quickly through several handseals, Jashin's energy, honed like purple electricity ran rampant across Naruto's mindscape, reaching his coils, pumping them full of energy.

In the real world, Naruto's entire body was swept with a fierce cold, one that would have numbed even the warmest. Naruto however simply laughed, as the part of him controlled by the god did the rest of the Jutsu's work.

**"Tenshu Jutsu: Seken KIRITE!" **(God Art: World cutter) Jashin shouted gleefully, as his energy ram rampant along the blade of Naruto's. It flashed brilliantly, before its size multiplied several times, glowing an ethereal dark purple, seeping wisps of noxious miasma spilling from its blade.

_"HAHA! Take this you stupid raccoon!" _Naruto screeched in a slightly higher voice, before sweeping the blade around and letting fly directly for its prey.

Shukaku had no time to react, not even scream, as his head was violently severed from his neck. **"W-what the hell?! NO FAI-!!" **Shukaku had only that much time to scream as Gaara suddenly awoke to the world, several stories above ground.

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Gaara's sleepy eyes hatefully cracked open, taking in the chaotic scene of his defeat.

Waking up while plummeting to the earth wasn't exactly how he'd envisioned things would go. He'd envisioned his enemy would by now have been made bloody smears on the ground, Shukaku's bloodlust momentarily placated.

Shukaku never lost. Ever. It was a strangely relieving and horrifying thing to realize that for the first time, the demon was defeated.

But at the problem at hand. Gaara was helpless in the air. Summoning what little Chakra he had left, he prepared to form a platform for himself.

_"I don't think so."_ A terrifying creeping sensation ran up and down Gaara's spine as he whipped his head around to look deep into two hollow black orbs. _"You have some pain to endure still, __**Gaara**__." _Gaara was completely helpless as Naruto's clawed palms easily slammed past his shield of sand, and latched onto his cloths.

_"You feel this, you heartless bastard!" _Naruto whipped their weight around in mid-air, generating force, before violently hurling Gaara straight down. Gaara, defenseless, cried out horrified, as he plummeted to his assured death-

Then darkness.

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Sasuke slowly crept from his hollow, Sakura still gently held against him. All to suddenly, the forest had gone dead silent, the lapse eco of Shukaku's voice disappearing with ultimate finality.

A violent shudder from her drew his attention from the unsettling quiet, and he nearly gagged as Sakura vomited a stream of blood, the thick crimson liquid tainting her lips. Weakly, she opened her eyes to thin slips, her lips drawn up. She knew.

She was on her death throes.

"S...sorry Sasuke...I g-got blood on your s-s-shirt." She shivered out, her face growing scarily paler. The blood pill he had given her was apparently not doing its job anywhere near well enough, as the bandages on her waist were beginning to seep with red again. Sasuke didn't say anything. He didn't really know what to say, opting to simply tell her to save her strength.

A thud of a person leaning on wood drew his attention, reaching around Sasuke peered to his left, drawing a shuriken instinctively. He nearly dropped the kunai as a now seemingly normal, extremely battle worn Naruto stood in front of him. "Yo, Sasuke." Naruto said gravely. In between his shoulders was an unmistakable patch of red.

Before Sasuke could ask, Naruto answered. "He's unconscious, and bleeding internally if you're wondering." Naruto said nonchalantly, setting him down. "He'll be out for a very long time, and there's no point in killing him." Sasuke immediately glared at Naruto, who raised his hands defensively.

"Not that I don't blame you for wanting to of course."

Sasuke's glare actually intensified at that comment. "Give me one reason, you cloak wearing freak, why I shouldn't kill him and drag your ass back to Konoha." Sasuke twitched the hand holding the shuriken reflexively.

Naruto stared searchingly, before sighing. "Because part of me would feel guilty for condemning someone who was as estranged as I was at one time. I'd rather not go into it Sasuke, but at one time, I was actually worse then this guy." Sasuke looked at him strangely, part disbelief, part something else he couldn't identify, before stealing his fury.

"That's beside the point Naruto. Sakura's dying because of him! Look at her!" Sakura's weak shivering form, still brutally hurt shivered slightly. Naruto's eyes grew a dark light to them, one that would have made Sasuke uneasy if he wasn't so furious and confused.

"So, you wouldn't kill this guy if she were to live?" 

"I'd kick his ass four different ways, but no, I guess I wouldn't." Sasuke said suspiciously. Naruto's absurdly loud sigh made him look more confused then upset at him.

"Alright Sasuke. Have it your way." Naruto said, taking his palm bandages, and slowly unwrapping them. Under them, they revealed an intricate tattoo, centered on a wispy shape resembling a skull. With his other hand, he reached into his mouth, and pulled a scarily large incisor out. With no hesitation he plunged it into the primary artery of his wrist.

Sasuke stared at Naruto in shock and horror, rooted to the spot to the point he had to listen again at Naruto's instructions. "Come on, lay her out like this." Naruto said, grabbing her ankles. Sasuke, though confused, nearly attacked Naruto there, who sent him a dark look when he raised a hand. "Don't worry, I'm not trying anything."

Sakura, shallow breath, sent Sasuke a hopeful and longing look, one that made his discomfort in the situation increase greatly. "W...what are you..."

Naruto pressed a finger to her lips. "Sssshh. Its alright Sakura. Your going to be okay. Just relax." Naruto took the bandage along her midsection, moving them to expose her wounded stomach.

Sasuke couldn't help wanting to attack him for some reason...

"Man...I hate this technique." Naruto said, grasping the tooth and pulling it out, letting blood seep down his fingers. Without hesitation, he began to write an intricate seal on her wounds in blood. Sasuke's arm lashed out, gripping Naruto's throat, though the only inclination Naruto noticed was stopping writing the seal.

"What...are you doing?" Sasuke ground out.

Naruto sent him a look. "This is a technique that will save her life Sasuke. I don't know any actual healing techniques, and if you do, speak up now."

Sasuke glared darkly. "This isn't going to hurt her?" He asked. Not because he cared about her or anything, he was just...

Not liking the idea of another teammate dying is all.

"The only one its gonna hurt is me. Now let go, she doesn't have much time, and my bloods congealing." Sasuke reluctantly let go. Not a second later, Naruto resumed, finally ending with an intricate seal, based around a star in a circle.

"Now, Sakura..." Naruto asked the severally wounded girl.

She agonizingly turned her head. "Y...yes?"

Naruto smiled reassuringly. "I'm going to ask you something very important now Sakura, so listen carefully." She nodded weakly.

"Do you want to live?" Sasuke baulked at Naruto's question, Sakura's eyes widening slightly was her only indication of shock.

Silence. Then...

"Y-yes. I want to live."

Naruto nodded. "Alright, I just wanted to be sure." Wiping his palms clean, he gingerly placed them on her belly button, and closed his eyes, body relaxing.

For a few moments, there was nothing, before twin endless voids opened in the sockets where Naruto's eyes had once been. Purple dark energy coursed through his palms, before traveling up Sakura's body. The bark under her turned black and sooty with the energy that coursed through her.

The seal glowed a brightly, before it seeped into her like water through paper. For a few tense seconds, nothing.

Then, before Sasuke's eyes, the wounds healed. Long, deep scratches became small ones, before all but disappearing. Sakura's eyes closed slowly as she descended into blissful sleep. Sasuke stared awestruck at the now fully healed form of Sakura, before slowly turning to Naruto. "Naruto...where the hell did you learn that?"

Naruto chuckled uncomfortably. "Its an Uzumaki secret."

Taking Sakura via piggyback, Sasuke looked at Naruto expectantly. "Listen, I know you might be partial to leaving, but the whole village seems like they really want to talk to you Naruto. Please, come back with me." Naruto gave him an odd look, before chuckling.

"Sorry Sasuke, can't." Before Sasuke could ask again, Naruto ripped a kunai out and rammed it into his heart.

...only to burst into smoke moments later, a wooden log replacing him.

Farther in the distance, but still close enough to hear Sasuke curse loudly, Naruto sat. "Sorry Sasuke...I just can't."

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**Ja-WHAAAAAAAAAAA?!**

**Yes, cliffy. Yes I'm a monster. Yes, brownies are good.**

**I wanted to personnally thank everyone who reviewed last time. Seriously, more then triple the turnout then any chapter I have ever written. Ever. So, in accordance with such a good...act...I have decided to withhold threatening you, instead opting to scream jibberish, before going into an insane spazzing breakout.**

**You may be wondering also whats the deal with Naruto's bony tenant. The character I have written up as Jashin isn't one most would expect. Most would have invisioned something along the lines of Kyuubi on crack, but I already have my ideas. I'm not gonna spell his personality out (on account that I'm not the best speller, as some of my first works will attest to), but Jashin's like a reeeeally lazy serial killer. Who really doesn't care that much about murder. Also, he's crazy. So there. Now you know, deal with it. Do not blam him until the story is over, because if you've read my stories before, you should know:**

**Don't read a book by its cover. Unless the cover is colorful. In which case, read the cover, but don't base the content on the cover.**

**Personnally, I didn't think this turned out as well as I wanted. The scenes in some parts were a little rapid, and Naruto's Jashin-form is going to be a little different then I originally intended. Still, the reader wants a product, and this was long overdue.  
**

**Will do my best to update soon. No promises.**

**Also, as a side note, this chapter runs for about 34 pages on microsoft word.**

**MUST...RESIST...URGE TO...THREATEN PUBLIC!! MUST...REVIEW OR...GRAAAAH...TURKEY-BURGLER!**

**GRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (followed shortly by insane spazzing breakout)**


	8. It Just Gets More Confusing

**Rocket skates...check.**

**Chicken...check.**

**Awesomeness...checkeroo.**

**Yes, with the passing of yet another massive amount of time, I have updated. Yes, yes, roll out the marching band, throw blinding confetti, unleash the hounds and all that.**

ENOUGH WITH THE CELEBRATION! READ!

**(p.s. Some people showed slight confusion to Naruto's back story. Well...you'll find out, eventually)**

(p.s.s I have adopted a new style for separating my sections, no more of the X's)

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Just to Recap: Naruto is awol, Sakura's in the hospital from wounds and other stuff, Sasuke is still full of teen angst, and Anko, well...________

"T...that's not...possible..." Anko sat in a small metal stool, in the center of a cement room deep underground. The depth of the room was a secret, one only the architects who had constructed the holding cell knew about, and perhaps the man standing opposite from her, wearing a rare mask of comfort, albeit a tense comfort.

"I'm surprised this is news to you Anko, considering the amount of time you spent with him, according to you of course." Morino Ibiki knew two things for certain at this point. Mitarashi Anko had spent approximately a week in close contact with THAT Uzumaki Naruto and had remained oblivious to who he really was, and that she had grown seemingly close to him, considering her reaction.

_'How long has it been Anko...since you've let the mask drop?' _Ibiki was fully acquainted with the mask Anko normally wore, and even somewhat of her actual feelings and interactions underneath it. It had taken years of working with her to undermine this mask, something Ibiki wasn't necessarily proud that he had accomplished, even though by technicality it was by accident. He had simply become familiar with both the real and fake Anko.

And the real Anko was gushing waves of betrayal and hurt, though her defenses were doing a fair job of halting the torrent.

Her fingers had only dug small groves into the metal of the stool, instead of ripping it apart like he knew she wanted too.

Ibiki was an observant person by nature, if you hadn't guessed already. "Listen. He has disappeared beyond our scopes as far as catching him goes Anko. Its unlikely we'll ever catch him, considering he remained under our nose, and even familiarized himself with you, all without getting caught. Any information that you could give us is vital Anko." Ibiki sat back on a metal chair, waiting for her answer.

Anko took a deep, steadying breath. "I...I don't have much information. Essentially he only bought me lunch and other...things because of a mishap involving dango." Ibiki smirked a little. Anko was famous for flipping disproportionately about Dango.

"I see. So you only really had contact with him during lunch, and shopping trips."

Anko nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

Ibiki raised an eyebrow. "Pretty much?"

Anko looked up, realizing her slip of the lips. _'Look at you, still making amateur mistakes like this; mistakes like learning to trust someone you don't know _'A dangerously serpentine voice whispered in her ear.

"R-right. I mean, during the events before the invasion, I sort of...asked him to come with me to the Chuunin matches."

Ibiki raised an eyebrow. _'Very unlike her... I suppose the boy is a bit of a charmer, when it comes to women...'_ "Alright, and following the invasion you learned that he is the carrier?"

Anko gulped quietly, just loud enough for Ibiki to hear. "Yeah."

"Alright Anko. So you're sure you have no information on him, no idea where he could be headed? We've already briefed the Uchiha, and he has no idea." Anko's face grew a frown.

"W-well, he did mention he liked to travel. Apparently it's his hope to see the whole world at some point. Oh! He said he was headed to Kumo for the annual...Cloud appreciation festival or something?" Ibiki's eyes widened slightly. This put their village at risk, especially if the child was discovered within Clouds walls. Who knows what Kumo would do with anyone, particularly someone as dangerous as him, if they got control of the boy.

"That's all?" Anko nodded. "Fine, I'll have you debriefed shortly." He stood up to leave. "Thank you for your assistance Anko." She nodded with a small smirk on her face, although it disappeared the moment he turned away. "Oh, and you should know, the walls are soundproof, and the cement repairs itself with the application of Chakra." Ibiki added quietly, Anko snapping at his words.

The door closed shut.

On its other side, a dull _*boom* _was heard, followed by muffled curses that would make a sailor blush. The ANBU at guard exchanged glances, directed towards Ibiki, who stood between them. "If your wondering, she just needed to blow off some steam."

"We know sir, we were just wondering...she seemed disturbingly close to-"

_*POW* _

"-the container. Isn't she a little...old for someone of his age bracket?"

Of all things, Ibiki chortled. "Anko's younger then she looks gentlemen, although I wouldn't mention that around her. As for you two, just stand guard and don't comment on any of this. If you don't mind..." Ibiki added a bit of edge to his voice. The ANBU nodded.

"Good." A sickeningly sweet smile clung to his face as he walked away. Ibiki, if anything, was loyal to friends, despite his odd ways of showing it.

In her room, Anko curled up to herself. A small crater lay where her chair used to be, the metal wreck of her seat adjourned the east corner of the room, resembling nothing like a chair. Anko's head was hung low however; thoughts far from the destruction that made her knuckles bleed slightly.

"...I don't know anyone...do I?" She asked herself hollowly, still disbelieving to the fact that the little boy she had befriended, was the ravenous killing machine that had decimated the village years before.

The thought made her curl in tighter.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sasuke's head snapped up as a medic accompanied by a nurse stepped through the hospital wards doors. He stood to greet them.

"How is she?"

The doctor's face drew a frown upon it, one that set Sasuke's alarm bells tolling. "Well, we were actually hoping you could explain some things to us, Uchiha-san." The doctor took the clipboard the nurse was holding. "As far medically we can tell, she has no other wound other then the large gash to her torso. Except the same gash is behaving nothing like a wound." Yep, the internal bells never lie, Sasuke chided himself.

"It's...as though it's an organism. It's growing and changing, and at the same time, we can neither heal it nor stop it. In fact, we believe it might be the only thing that's keeping her alive right now. When we applied Chakra to the area a burn mark occurred, and the moment the application of the Chakra was halted, the wounds healed. Truthfully, we're baffled." The doctor finally looked up at Sasuke, or down considering their difference in height.

"Could you care to explain what's causing this, Uchiha-san?"

Sasuke knew full well what was responsible, although he feigned ignorance, as he wasn't sure what Naruto had done himself. "I can't really answer that, the description you have has me confused a bit. How can a wound act like an organism?" The doctor handed the clipboard back to the nurse.

"Well...follow me then." The doctor pushed past the doors, Sasuke following shortly behind. "She's in here." The doctor led him to a room, numbered 313, opening it quietly. Sasuke's eyes widened as they laid on his teammate.

Sakura lay on her back, face covered with a transparent plastic mask. Her arms were riddled with tubing and patches, precious liquid slowly pouring back into her system. Sakura was a lot paler then usual, Sasuke noted.

"This is what I was talking about." The doctor said, reaching for the customary gown of a patient. Sasuke's alarm bells once again went off as the doctor began to move the cloth.

"W-what do you think your doing!?" Sasuke said, a small blush gracing his face.

The doctor turned to him, a confused look on his face. "You said you wanted to see the wound, correct?"

"Y-yes, but you could at least do it in a way so that her privacy is upheld!" _'Honestly, if Sakura was awake, she'd probably have beaten this guy within an inch of his life if he had done what he was doing...' _

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "There's a flap on the front of the gown Uchiha-san. I can easily show you the wound without her privacy being violated." he gestured to the gown, which indeed had a flap. Sasuke glowered, mostly to himself.

"Here." The middle two buttons undone, he slowly shifted the cloth to reveal Sakura's naval. Sasuke gasped.

"I...it's like a tattoo or something..." Black tendrils curled away from the wound, weaving an intricate pattern on Sakura's stomach, only a portion visible was the rest of it was probably located chest wise. Sasuke had the decency to blush again. "So...this is what you meant." The doctor nodded, redoing Sakura's buttons and placing a blanket on top of her.

"Yes. It's not like anything I've ever seen before, and frankly just looking at it for the first time gave me chills. Personally, I don't think normal science can explain a phenomenon like this, although preliminary testing has yet to be taken care of. You're sure you have no explanation as to why this has happened." Sasuke nodded absently, still fixated on Sakura.

"Fine. I will be back to check-up on her later. Visiting hours will soon be over, so make time now." With a swish of his lab coat, the doctor was gone. Sasuke remained.

"Just...what did Naruto do to you...Sakura...?" The steady rise of her chest was his only response.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The funeral was held about two days later.

Sarutobi, the revered, respected and admired Hokage, having perished in his battle with Orochimaru, was laid to rest. All the Shinobi and more then half the village was present at the event.

None wore a color, only the ceremonial black. Words were said in the mans honor, his portrait lay atop the casket while roses were placed before it by Shinobi present. Some burst to tears, some remained stoic.

And two looked onward from a rooftop a short distance away, though none would ever know it.

"They truly revered you, didn't they?" A figure, only remotely humanish said to a very familiar being beside it. "Their praise is enough, it kept me going. I can rest easy knowing that there are people like the ones present protecting the village." The scarred form of the Sandaime said, observing as the last of the ceremony was spoken.

The figure quirked its head. "Your sure that's all you need? A few short words?"

The man nodded. "Its enough."

"Fine then. Shini-san, take him away and prepare him. You've signed yourself up for a hell of an afterlife, you should know." The old man just smiled as an ethereal arm slipped from a special hole, covered in archaic runes over blue skin. "I lived hard, might as well die hard." The clawed hand enclosed on his shoulder, and both faded from existence.

The figure stood still, jean jacket billowing in a nonexistent wind. Behind his left shoulder, a small ember exploded soundlessly, a curl of flame remaining. _"Sir? This place reeks of 'him'.'_

The figure turned its head, the intricate helmet made up of a pointed helm gaining sheen. "I know. We'll pull out, he's not here, no need to aggravate the locals." The lanky figure; clad in only jean clothing, a helm of steel with untamed spiky red hair poking out the back, and a simply massive and deadly looking shuriken, faded from the world.

And crowd attendees at the funeral had already left the funeral.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You want me to what?"

Of the many places the often-reveered Ebisu had to meet the even more revered Toad-sennin Jiraiya, Ebisu honestly had not been prepared for a bathhouse. More specifically outside the female side of the bathhouse, where the even more revered Toad-sennin Jiraiya sat, peeking through a small hole.

However, Ebisu probably should have expected as much, considering the toad sennin's record (Record as in 'novels')

"I repeat; we would like you to become the Godaime Hokage."

"That's what I thought you said." The hermit turned to the jounin, putting his face a mere centimeter from the others. "Hell no."

"B-but Jiraiya-" He was interrupted by a hand clamping down on his mouth.

"Are you trying to get me caught you bastard?!" Jiraiya growled in a hushed tone. Both remained silent, Ebisu sweating bullets while Jiraiya kept his dark look directed towards the man.

The silence was broken with a "Miku-chan, could you do my back please?"

Jiraiya's face lit up, a sly grin sneaking its way on his face. "Now be quiet, my 'girl-on-girl' sense is tingling." Ebisu refrained from imagining what that felt like.

"It is of the utmost importance that the next Hokage is selected, and you're the best candidate we have. Please, accept this for the village and its people Jiraiya-sama, I know in my heart that you..." He petered off as the man began to giggle manically while scribbling away, drooling slightly.

"Jiraiya-sama?"

No response.

"Please, Jiraiya-sama, if you don't then someone else has to be selected. Perhaps someone...a little more 'bandaged' if you catch my meaning."

Jiraiya stopped scribbling. "What the hell do I care if that old coot gets the seat anyways, besides, he couldn't be as bad as people make him out to be?"

"You know that's a lie Jiraiya-sama." Ebisu raised the lenses on his glasses with his middle finger, reflecting the light sternly. "If 'that man' were to take control of the village, who knows what would happen, you yourself are well aware of how he 'deals' with problems."

The hermit was being swayed. "W...well I suppose, if it boiled down to him being Hokage, then..."

"...I still couldn't take the job." Ebisu's face fell exasperatedly. "B-b-b-ut Jir-"

Again a hand was clamped down on his mouth to silence him. "However, I know someone even better for the candidacy of Hokage, someone who DOESN'T peek at women all the time." Ebisu's full attention was on the toad hermit.

Jiraiya's had slipped from Ebisu's mouth. "And who exactly is this person?"

Jiraiya smirked. "You leave that too me. Now please leave. I'll meet you tomorrow at the gates at noon." Ebisu nodded, slipping away. Jiraiya remained turning back to his 'research'.

His mind was everywhere else however. _'The real question is, can I actually win her over? If I don't, I just might have to take the position. I can't let Danzo of all people into the hot seat, now can I?' _Jiraiya scribbled away, waiting for tomorrow.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_/The next day, the village gates/_

"YOU GOTTA BE FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! YOU EXPECT ME, A GREAT SANNIN TO TRAVEL WITH A...A...NO GOOD EMO-PUNK?!!!!!" Jiraiya's even partially business tone failed him for what awaited him at the gates. Ebisu had met with at the required spot; at the required time; with a happy go lucky surprise.

"J-Jiraiya-sama, Sasuke-sama is not a 'no good emo-punk'!"

Said 'happy go lucky surprise' sent a death glare to the ground, to disgusted at the idea of traveling with some old man that he couldn't look directly at him.

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING-(monkey) WHO THE HELL HE IS, I'M NOT TRAVELING WITH SOME PUNK JUST BECAUSE A JOUNIN TELLS ME TO, YA HEAR?!!!"

Sasuke swished his hair, sneering "Fine, whatever. Like I wanted to travel with some old codger anyways. Thank you for wasting my time _instructor-san _but I couldn't learn a thing from this moron."

Ebisu froze as an ocean of killer-intent wrapped itself around him.

"You told him...I would teach him...without my permission?" Jiraiya's calm expression greatly betrayed what he was actually feeling.

"W-well, it was the only way I could get him to agree to go..." Ebisu trailed off however.

"You wasted your time you idiot. I find it hard to believe such an avid fan of mine is so belligerent that he'd think that I'd agree to go along with this little weakling." Sasuke, his back turned and leg raised to continue walking, shook for a moment, remaining completely still. Then, he went off like a bomb.

An emo-bomb (RUN IN TERROR!).

"YOU BASTARD! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, I'M UCHIHA SASUKE, HEIR TO THE UCHIHA CLAN! MY POWER IS WELL BEYOND MY RANK, FAR BEYOND YOU!" Ebisu twitched at Sasuke's outburst, partially because he'd never seen the stoic boy break from his usually cool demeanor, and partially because Jiraiya was the most famous of the Sannin for bring the smack down on ignorant fools.

And boy, for a genius, Sasuke was just about to score 100 percent on the 'Hi, I'm a Moron, Watch Me Piss off a Sannin!' quiz.

Thinking quickly, Ebisu intervened. "P-please Jiraiya-sama! Sasuke, despite his brashness, is one of our star pupils! With time and the proper training he will become-"

"Knock it off!" Ebisu went silent. "As for you pretty boy, anything I could teach you, not that I'd ever teach you, would be a waste on someone who can only copy techniques!"

Sasuke twitched. "I'll have you know, you old coot, that I am one step away from fully mastering THE Hatake Kakashi's infamous Chidori!" Jiraiya smirked.

"What? You think a technique as over-glorified and unnecessary as that is something worth bragging about? All that move is good for is quick assassination, and all the noise it makes, combined with the overt amount of Chakra and of course the bright lights as well, make it practically useless! You want a technique?! HERES ONE!" A swirling ball of blue Chakra spun to life in his hand, and Jiraiya pointed behind him.

Sasuke and Ebisu alike stared agape as a whirling buzz-saw exploded from the mans hand, rattling trees several yards away and chipping the stones beneath Jiraiya's feet. "That, you ladies, is the Rasengan, one of the many techniques you Uchiha Sasuke, will never learn." Sasuke however wasn't looking, something that put Jiraiya off.

"Oi! Pay attention to your elders!"

Sasuke suddenly snapped at attention. "W-whatever, like I'd need something like that anyways!" Sasuke's thoughts were on different matters however, something along the lines of _'Dammit that moves powerful!'_

"S-Sasuke-san, could you please wait a moment, I need to speak with Jiraiya-sama alone." Sasuke 'che'd' absently and walked off. Jiraiya frowned deeply as Ebisu prepared his final attempt.

"I...can understand your reluctance Jiraiya-sama. Sasuke-kun is...rather..."

"Brash, unpleasant, prideful, a jackass-"

"Y-yes, many of those things, but truth be told… he is actually a good person. It's simply the fact that he experienced some trauma at a young age, as I'm sure your aware of." Jiraiya's face didn't soften like Ebisu had hoped it would. "Losing an entire family to a psychotic brother, but that boy has had plenty of time to mourn." Jiraiya said sternly.

"He's never mourned since the day after his parents passed Jiraiya-sama. He has only one thing in mind, revenge. And it will destroy him." Jiraiya's frowned deepened. "Recently he has come in contact with a particularly...'serpentine' old colleague of yours-" A wave of killer-intent washed over Ebisu as Jiraiya's mask slipped.

"I wasn't aware. Has he been...?"

Ebisu frowned, before nodding. "Yes, a seal was placed on him. There is much concern, given Sasuke's personality that he will likely seek power from Orochimaru; even with the warnings we've given him."

Jiraiya sighed, giving a grave nod. "And you want me to use some 'Toad-magic' of sorts to change him?"

Ebisu nodded hesitantly. "I stepped out of line when I informed him you'd teach him, and for that I am truly sorry. In the future I will refrain from making such assumptions, but he is in dire need of some real instruction, something I unfortunately cannot give him. Please, I beg of you, take him with you." Ebisu actually bowed low, the back of his neck exposed.

"Hmmmmph." Jiraiya crossed his arms. "Fine, the little prick can come. But I refuse to promise to teach him anything other then the life teachings of the toads. Whether he accepts these truths, its up to him."

Ebisu nodded furiously. "Thank you, the village is indebted to you."

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know." Jiraiya growled under his breath. Ebisu waved his hands,

Sasuke teleporting a short distance from them. "Are you two done being indecisive?" Sasuke said, walking up with a snide comment. He was taken aback when Jiraiya, moving at speeds he'd only ever experienced at the hands of Orochimaru himself, appeared mere centimeters in front of him, a stern look on his face.

"..."

"..."

"...just shut up and get your ass in gear."

"Che." A look of displeasure crossed Sasuke's face, but he obliged, the Sannin following suit. Ebisu waved them off.

_'Did I really do the right thing?'_ He thought to himself. No one could answer his question. His orders from the council were complete. Sasuke was out of the village for now.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jiraiya didn't like Sasuke.

The boy was conceited, haughty, and honestly, while he was a fairly competent genin from what he'd heard, all other aspects of intelligence (Common sense included) escaped him. Factor in the fact he scarily reminded Jiraiya of Orochimaru, and you came to his great dislike of him.

Sasuke didn't like Jiraiya.

The man was conceited, haughty and honestly, while he appeared to be a fairly competent ninja, all other aspects of his intelligence canceled it out. It clearly escaped the man that wearing bright colorful kabuki clothing was not the best way to stay hidden. Add to the fact he was beyond perverted, and you found Sasuke's dislike.

"So are you gay, or is it just the fashion these days?"

Sasuke's eye twitched as this question was yet again drawn up. "For the last time, I'M NOT GAY! Why is this such a hard thing for you to understand?!"

Jiraiya gave a thoughtful frown. "I just don't believe you is all. What kinda weirdo has his haircut likes a ducks butt? It doesn't reflect well on your character.

"Not that there's anything wrong with your preference, I'm just saying outright denial of-"

"OH SHUT UP YOU OJIJI!"

"...yeesh, someone has issues."

Sasuke growled, "You don't know the half of it."

"If your talking about your entire family dying in front of you, how long do you plan on holding that to yourself? You gotta learn to let go kid."

Sasuke remained silent, shocked that the man was so well informed on him, and deeply agitated at his words. _'As if he understand REAL pain...'_

"Whatever, its your life kid. Enough of this depressing stuff." Sasuke simply remained silent.

They walked for about five more minutes before Jiraiya broke the silence. "So, since you're not gay, anybody in the village catch your eye?"

Sasuke blanched. "N-no! God your obscene you old pervert!"

Jiraiya smirked. "That answer just tells me there could be someone my boy. Your feelings just haven't matured yet. Give it some time, you'll see."

"Shut up." 

"You know, answers like that make me question certain preferences."

"...shut it."

"If your wondering, I am trying a new angle for my next book, and young love blossoming into an adult relationship is one of-"

"Ojiji?"

"Yeah?" 

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

Jiraiya took a step back as Sasuke's pace sped up at a high speed. "Kid, wait a second! Think about it, if you help me with the book, I'll mention you in the author's notes! That alone will get you tons of suitors, of either sex!" Jiraiya gave chase, waving an old notebook.

"For the last time, I'M NOT GAY!" Sasuke shouted back.

_/Half an hour later/_

Gasping for breath, Sasuke gave up trying to lose the old man. While the man didn't look it, he could RUN, a surprising fact considering the geta he wore. A second after stopping and the man was beside him, looking agitated. "Your that tired already? I'm shocked. Well, whatever, it is high noon, and I'm starving. You pack a lunch?" Jiraiya sat down hunched by the roadside on an overturned log.

Sasuke gave him a look. "...yeah..." Regrettably Sasuke pulled out one of the bento boxes he'd packed, and handed another to Jiraiya. _'Moron makes me run for half an hour, makes fun of me because I'm a LITTLE out of breath from it, and then demands one of the lunches I made. Jerk.' _Sasuke couldn't help giving a sidelong look at Jiraiya as he bit down on a rice ball.

Jiraiya stopped, eyes wide. Slowly, he gulped it down, before he turned to Sasuke, a look on his face one that Sasuke had never seen, a cross between astonishment and wonder. "This...doesn't suck. Where'd you get it from?"

Sasuke looked taken aback at the statement, not sure what to answer. He finally came to a simple "I...made it myself..."

"Really? Its really good, I have to say." Sasuke wasn't used to this kind of praise, so he simply remained silent. "Where'd you learn to cook?"

That struck a cord, Sasuke snapping his chopsticks in half. Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, but waited for the answer patiently while Sasuke composed himself. "When...my family was killed by that man-"

Jiraiya interrupted "Your brother."

Sasuke sent him a dark look. "Yes. My 'brother', I had to learn how to take care of myself. Learning to cook small lunches was the first thing I taught myself."

Jiraiya swallowed the last of his lunch, before sitting it down. "I see." A silence descended on the two, Sasuke wasn't sure whether the silence was an awkward one or not.

"That Ebisu guy asked me to talk you out of wanting revenge."

Sasuke looked over, before he looked back at the ground. "That's not going to happen."

Jiraiya nodded. "I know. Teachers trying to talk their students out of foolish life choices have existed as long as knowledge and power has. And I can't change that. But if you are going to take that road, you have to be prepared for what lies ahead."

"I am prepared for-" Sasuke stopped when the Toad Sannin fixed him with a look, one that could not be explained for what it was, but what it contained. Pain, and understanding. True understanding.

"No, your not. If you take this road, you will spend everyday at work, in pain. The only way to attain strength. And you will spend every waking moment that way, using everything and everyone around you for your goals. It's an accursed way to live. And you know what? One day, you'll wake up, and you will have nothing. Your revenge will be complete, you'll be strong as hell, and it will have no meaning.

"What's the point, if you have no one to protect, and no one to hate?" Sasuke sat silently, drinking in what the man had to say. "Your a thousand years to young to say that you truly understand the consequences of the life you will live. Are you sure your ready to face that life?" Sasuke was still silent for several minutes.

"Yes. Even if I'm not actually ready, I must get my revenge. It's all I have left."

Jiraiya still fixed him with that soul-searching look "And when you have completed that goal?"

Sasuke turned his head, trapping Jiraiya with a look of fiery determination. "I will make a life for myself."

The two remained silent, one that permeated the air. Then, Jiraiya stood up and stretched. "I thought you were going to say something like 'I will remake the Uchiha clan' or something."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I want to see if I can make a life for myself first. Then maybe a clan."

Jiraiya laughed. "In a perfect world. Anyways, we have a days trip to our destination, so we'd better get moving."

Sasuke nodded, standing up. The two continued to walk, though something still bugged Sasuke. "What did you mean by teachers and students?"

Jiraiya smiled. "Lets just say that you're on probation."

"Right." Sasuke fell silent, feeling oddly content. "Although, now that I know you can cook only makes my theory about you that much more plausible."

That feeling of contentedness… did not last long.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The towns bustling shops, flags adorning the roadsides, the general hustle and bustle of city life. It was something Jiraiya missed.

Tanzaku town was still just like he remembered. "Ah! This takes me back. Comeon, we're going to have to search around, and find a place to stay at the same time." Looking back, he suppressed a giggle at the thought of just how large the red-light district of this town. The thought made him giggle even more.

Sasuke just groaned, they had cut through a forest on the way here, one that had been dense enough that he got whacked with a branch a few times. The stick or two still stuck in his hair stood testament to this, and the sullen look that went along with it.

"Whatever, lets just find a place and start looking." The two headed past the gate.

If the town looked busy from the outside, it was nothing compared to the inside. Crowds of people milled along the stands, laughing, joking, and purchasing all kinds of things, from food to ornate fans, and masks. Even a few game stands could be seen, gaggles of children stood in front of them, waiting turns to try there luck. Sasuke was curious as to why the town was as such.

"Its one of there harvest festivals, it lasts about a week." Jiraiya had sensed Sasuke's curiosity. Sasuke just nodded. "Comeon, this bustles getting to my nerves. Down here." Jiraiya slipped down an alley. Sasuke looked left, before deciding it was less annoying to follow the older ninja.

The alley was dark, the moons light casting a dim light on the alleyway, the only other source of light other then the lanterns of the festival on either end of the alley. "Yeah, I like a party, but not the kind there hosting outside. I know a good hotel close to here. We can take to the rooftops and get there quickly." Sasuke nodded again, slightly annoyed at Jiraiya's preference for shortcuts.

"Fine, I just want to get to bed."

Jiraiya chuckled. "Comeon then." He was gone in the blur of a Shunshin, something that took Sasuke by surprise.

"H-hey, wait up!" Sasuke floored chakra to his legs, giving chase.

The man was moving to fast. Grudgingly Sasuke found it difficult to keep up, slowly but steadily being left in the dust. Taking a left, he briefly lost sight of him, before off in the distance he spotted the white green and red blur that was him. "Che, dammit." Sasuke growled, vaulting over a chimney. Somersaulting in the air, he landed in a crouch before blasting off, intent of cutting Jiraiya off.

Rooftops blurred beneath him as his pace took to frightening speed. Jiraiya's Shunshin was good, far better than his was. But Sasuke was one thing, proud. And he would not be bested by a pervert! _'Yes, almost there!'_ Sasuke thought gleefully, with each step the blur was becoming more distinct, and closer.

He was a step away.

And then Jiraiya stopped on a dime. And Sasuke...didn't.

Sasuke instead flew past him, missing his step and launching across the street at tremendous speed and crashing into a food stand, sending fruit and vegetables careening left and right. "Guuuh." Crawling out from the wreckage of wood, Sasuke looked up at Jiraiya, finding him not looking down and chortling at his expense, but instead fixated down the street.

Sasuke looked.

And he too froze.

Down the street stood two people, one of which he recognized instantly.

One figure, a woman of blonde hair and extremely sizable bust, stood in the center of the street her stance relaxed. Over a gray and white shirt she wore a green vest of thin fabric. High heel leggings accompanied plain pants. Her hair was in two pigtails.

She wasn't the one he was looking at though.

The other figure stood in a far less relaxed stance. Legs spread, back low.

A scythe draped over his shoulder.

"You better take that back, you old hag!" The blade quickly moved, twirling like a large staff around the boy's neck, spinning from his neck to his arms and then held behind himself. His black cloak and blond hair billowed as a wind slightly tussled the street.

Uzumaki Naruto.

"Your only making the beating your going to get that much more painful, you brat." Tsunade of the legendary three remained stoic, arms crossed and stance still very relaxed.

Up on the rooftops, Jiraiya smirked. "Well, that was easy."

The two flew at each other.

Tsunade's fist flew out fast, seemingly moving from a relaxed crouch to a forward trust of her fist. Naruto was already vaulting over her head, his scythe carving towards her opened back, his body currently upside down-suspended in the air. Tsunade opened her fist and leaned hard out, legs kicking up in the air in an impromptu-somersault, narrowly avoid the boy's blade.

Naruto was not far behind, curling in the air, landing in a crouch and giving chase to his fleeing enemy. Tsunade was again in her stance as he cart wheeled into a high fly-descending slash. The crack of metal on dirt stones shortly followed as his blade embedded itself in the ground. Tsunade had sidestepped at the last moment, leaving him in a heavy kneel, completely defenseless.

"Damn rookies." She smirked, raising her leg as high as it could go. Naruto looked up, his eyes hard with determination. Tsunade let it drop. Hard. The crashing sound reverberated through the streets, window sills shook, a stand at the north of the village toppled, and a mime fell over, ruining his perfect rendition of an invisible wall. No one cared.

"Crap, hope I didn't kill the kid." Tsunade said exasperatedly, the smoke from the inhumane kick slowly descended to the ground, clearing vision. Sasuke's jaw was beginning to feel as though it had unhinged itself _'What...what is this person?!'_ He could barely comprehend strength like that.

The smokes steady clearing was interrupted as metal on stone scrapping was heard. The cloud was torn asunder Naruto's scythe ripped itself phantasmal from the ground, flying across the alley into his waiting hands. The chain he had dragged it with clinked the ground, beginning from the wrist of his cloak.

"Who the hell you callin' a rookie baba?" Naruto didn't need his lips exposed to show he was smiling, his eyes easily conveying it.

"Damn brats." Tsunade cracked a knuckle. "Why don't you come over here and let me show you just how wrong you are?" Naruto touched his chin thoughtfully, before shaking his head.

"No, I'd rather just cut you up from a distance." Swinging his scythe like a bat behind him, Naruto threw his entire upper body into swinging. The whirling cyclone of destruction flew across the alley with terrifying speed, its target unmoving from the spot she stood on. The blade sailed harmlessly over her head, at the last second Tsunade bending backwards (A la matrix) the hairs on her braids getting an unwanted shearing.

The blade almost decapitated Sasuke, sailing over his head.

Tsunade stood back up, smirking. Naruto frowned. Then he pointed behind her, his posture and facial expression remained the same. Tsunade's eyes widened as a tell tale whirling sound caught her ears. This time, she jumped, the blade coming for her legs this time.

Again, Sasuke was almost decapitated. Almost.

Naruto was in motion, catching the blade mid whirl and pole-vaulting high to meet Tsunade. Tsunade gasped for air as a surprisingly solid kick landed on her stomach, knocking her breath away. Naruto twisted around, connecting his other foot with her head. Tsunade's ears rang for a moment, surprised at the strength the boy possessed.

He kicked off, sending her even higher. Tumbling in the air, Tsunade quickly tried to gather her wits as a whistling sound met her ears. Sickles.

Twisting acrobatically, she narrowly avoided the barrage. She failed however to avoid the chains they were attached too, the metal clinks resounding as they tightened around her. Below, Naruto smirked, giving the chains an almighty yank downwards. The thud of a human body colliding painfully to the ground was heard shortly after.

"Looks like I win." Naruto's smirk widened under his mask.

Jiraiya chuckled above and away. "I knew the boy was stupid, but honestly..."

A short crackle was Naruto's only warning before writhing pain ran its course up and down his entire body. "G-gaaaaahhh!" He fell to one knee, body spasming painfully as violent blue arcs of electricity sparked their way along his chain. Finding the tiniest strength to look up, eyelids twitching, he met the visage of Tsunade as she stood up as though nothing had happened.

"Kids these days. Think they can do anything." Her body was still encompassed with the metal chains. In her hand she held one of the sickles that dangled uselessly, charging electrified chakra long the metal. Straight to Naruto. The volts suddenly stopped, giving Naruto a chance to breath.

Heaving breaths, he looked up defiantly. Tsunade's upper-body tensed, before the chains that bound her snapped like vines. Naruto growled. "Face it boy. You're beaten." Tsunade sighed, walking over to where he kneeled. "Give up now, and the pain I deliver onto a punk such as yourself will be slightly diminished."

Naruto was silent for a long time, unmoving.

Finally, he spoke.

"Like hell I will!" In his hand the large scythe from before materialized in a haze of black, swinging up to deliver a cleaving slash. Naruto's battle cry split the alley.

What followed it was a hard crack, a sickening ripping noise, and several thuds like a watermelon hitting the floor.

Tsunade, in surprise and panic, had punched Naruto's head off without thinking.

"G...gaaaah!" She stood back, horrified. The arms of the corpse hung limply to the side with a clatter, a pool of blood dimming the floor. The body remained in a crouch, unmoving.

The blood, oh gods the blood! She couldn't take it, she just couldn't take it. She couldn't move, not at the sight of that...that....Gaaah!

Jiraiya slipped down too the streets, coming to rest behind her. "Tsunade..." She didn't respond, remaining impassive, starring at the body in front of her. "Tsunade, calm down." Jiraiya was grim in his understanding of what had happened. The fight was likely a result of one of her drunken bar fights, which probably escalated if he knew the blonde. Naruto was a good kid, albeit a semi-psychotic one.

"Tsunade its okay, just stand up and we'll figure all this-"

What happened next still made both Sannin's skin crawl when thinking about it too this day.

Grabbing his shoulders and jumping back instinctively, Jiraiya looked on astonished as the body swung aimlessly where she had been a moment before. Wobbly, it stood on two legs, the scythe it carried hung limply in its wrist. "OI! You old hag!" A disembodied voice caught both their attention, and slowly they looked down behind the disembodied corpse.

"You don't ever think I'll forget this! I swear as long as I can breath I will not rest until I get you for this! Hey, you, baka! Get over here, pronto!" The body lurched, swiveling around. It dropped the curved blade it carried, hobbling around slowly, groping the street for its head. "No, more to your left! No, my left! That's not what I mean, your other left! Yes, this way-" Naruto's head lay on the ground, shouting instructing to his headless body.

"What...the hell is Naruto doing?" Sasuke stood beside Jiraiya, far paler then usual as he watched the body slowly grope closer and closer towards its target.

Jiraiya was taken aback. "You...know Naruto?"

Sasuke fixed him with an equally surprised look. "You know him too?"

Jiraiya nodded.

"Yes, but I didn't know about any of...this." He indicated towards the in-pieces Naruto.

"I knew he couldn't die easily, but this...this is new." Sasuke said gravely. The three remained silent, watching the body come within reaching distance of the head.

"Yes, yes, that's it, just a little-hey watch your left foot or-OW!"

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Well that took forever. Naruto suddenly appears, so many unanswered questions. It seems that every chapter I just heap the confusion on huh?**

**Well, that's the way-uhhuh-uhhuh-I like it! **

**The next chapter will likely be out...at some point, whenever I get around to it. Until then, peace. Feel free to review and inform me of your opinion of all this, m'kay?**

**I've decided to implore the use of positive reinforcement, so I won't be threatening you all this time.**

**Next time however...well, we'll see, won't we?**


	9. HouseKeeping!

**With a shwing our maddened and scythe-weilding paria of darkness returns.**

**Some people have offered a few questions as to whether I drew the concept of Naruto being beheaded from Naruto or some called 'Akatsuki party?' Well to answer your question, Naruto was my inspiration, that and my insane blend of humor.**

**I'm weird. **

**I am happy to report that those of you who might not have a total concept of what Jashin in my story looks like, will be able to with the power of art. I have opened an account on Deviant art, and have uploaded a few pieces for reader viewing. Have a look. Seriously, no one else has, and its rather depressing. Simply click homepage from my homepage on this website.**

**What? I like criticism and take it where I can get. Provided everyone doesn't go Simon Cowl(Is that how you spell it?) on my ass.**

**Right, well, enough insane abandon!**

**Wait.......but.........if there's no insane abandon........**

**WHY IS THERE A STORY BELOW HERE?! READ!**

**(If you can't hear the guitar riff that just started, then your deaf to awesomness)**

* * *

She eyeballed the three with a combination of distaste, dissatisfaction, and possibly confusion. They returned her looks with:

Unsurness.

Hornyness.

An insane inner flame that put the fires of hell to shame and instilled a feeling of pure omnificent destruction-ness.

She opened her mouth to speak, before stopping and raising her finger to her lips in thought. The bustle of the bar they sat in continued on uninterrupted, various patrons drank, ate and hit on, and got hit on, and got hit with things like chairs. "You perv!" Drifted over the pub.

None seemed to notice, Jiraiya just twiddling his thumbs and starring at the ceiling.

The silence was broken.

"A, Tsunade-sama, there you are and-whoa what the hell's going on?" A woman in purple kimono and simple dark hair took a step back in surprise at the somber and rather disturbing company. A boy who struck her as angsty sent her a searching look, and the familiar Jiraiya was also searching, but not in the same sense. And the third patron...well...

All he really could do was look and possibly roll over. The look he gave was one of 'whodahellarjoo?'.

He was angrier looking them the angsty one.

"Bad...timing?" She asked, taking a seat beside the woman.

"...it's been the longest night I've had in a long time..." Tsunade sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose as the head on the table wobbled irritably.

"...why is there a head on the table?" Shizune asked, leaning over the table at the blonde skull that seemed to flip her the bird with but a look.

"Him? Oh, he's an illusion I'm casting for the heck of it. It's a drinking game, you see who can ventriloquist the best voice for his mood. Watch." The head wobbled to its left and frowned deeply.

"Old man you better not do what I think your gonna-" He was suddenly silenced by a seal under the table courtesy of Jiraiya.

The surprisingly irritated Naruto started to swear and curse a streak at the top of his voice. Or would have if not for the jutsu. Jiraiya thought to provide him with a more fitting voice.

"Hi, I'm a tiny moron who seems fit to slice up any person I see no matter how smoking hot they are. I should apologize but can't because I fell for an easy to spot jutsu and can't break it on account of having no real ninja training. I would kill myself for being so rude and useless but as you can see that's impossible." The head stopped swearing and just sent a sidelong and annoyed look towards the Sannin who just chuckled.

Jiraiya didn't release the technique yet.

"...could someone please explain to me what's going on, I'm very confused." Shizune shook her head.

Tsunade sent a sidelong look. "Well there's more then one side too this story, so I think I'll go first. Jiraiya's next, not that I really care why your here." Jiraiya deflated a bit

"...not even a little?" He asked meekly. Tsunade shook her head with a snap.

"So there I was...doing errands..." Tsunade began but trailed off.

Shizune sent her a sidelong look. "You mean gambling." She said sternly.

Tsunade twitched, before shooting her a sheepish smile. "...its not gambling if your winning." She mumbled, though Shizune wouldn't have that.

"It is not and you know it! Sheesh, you have NO restraint."

"You're telling me." Jiraiya and Naruto, who had had his speaking privileges reinstated, added.

Tsunade in a blink flicked them both, causing Jiraiya to fly back in his seat, and Naruto to ricochet off the wall and spin to the other end of the table. "ANYWAY-I was...WINNING in gambling for ONCE, and having a pretty good night. The booze was okay to boot, and the place was pretty empty. Didn't have to put up with perverts." She sent a knowing glare at the still out cold Jiraiya.

"Then this little piece of work walks in." She indicated towards the scalp, who didn't appreciate this.

"Its a free country."

Tsunade disagreed however, but didn't voice it. "He is shortly followed by a crowd. Not something I can specifically pin on him but still, you take notice when one person walks into a place and then it gets mobbed."

"I would just like to add that I can't help it if I attract large mobs of women. Its a curse really." Naruto added yet again. He was ignored.

"That's not what REALLY got me going though. Oh no, the worst was yet to come. I was playing a round of twenty-one and the brat walks up and asks to play. This was a special game of twenty-one, its actually played with a pot. The winner walks away with 75% of it, and the casino keeps the rest. Now, I had been there for a while, and had already put a LOT in. And from how things were going I was going to walk away with ALL the money I had invested, plus a little extra from the other gamblers.

"Then the blonde wonder happened. As I said, he walks up, and asks to play. They have a minimum bid of one thousand ryo. He had TWENTY. Doesn't even phase this kid however, begs the booth keeper until finally she caves in and lets him bet his twenty ryo. The hands are cast out, and on the first try he gets twenty-one. Walks away with over fifty thousand ryo, from twenty." At this point a vein had sprouted on her head, pulsating rather violently.

"Hey! Its not my fault you've got bad luck, and I'm f-ing amazing." Naruto spoke up.

"That's exactly what he said before when I voiced my extreme irritation. '-I can't help it if you suck and I rock. Maybe you should think ahead, or just quit. You seem a little old to be gambling your money away baba.' " Tsunade stopped her impersonation to shake her fist at Naruto.

"Thats a pretty good impersonation. You really captured his shrill voice." Jiraiya commented offhandedly.

Naruto scoffed. "I've seen better. And my voice isn't shrill, I'm just in the midst of pre-pubescence."

"Clearly." Sasuke scoffed. "Shut it pretty boy. Your voice cracks just like everybody elses."

"Does nOt."

Sasuke's eye twitched at his voice crackidge. "Naruto is always right. Soon ye mortals will understand this to be true." The skull said in a sagely voice. They had all stopped listening to him however.

"Calling me old was your first mistake you brat. I wasn't gonna let some punk swoop in and take my money AND call me old. So I surmised the appropriate way for an adult to acquire such money and administer a lesson-"

Jiraiya cut in "-by beating up an ignorant youth? Tsunade have you honestly gotten more childish?"

She blushed, frowning. "I-I said the sake was good didn't I. It can't be helped that alcohol affects inhibitions." Jiraiya did not approve.

Then again a lot of things Jiraiya did were not approved. That didn't stop him however, and it kind of voided his say.

"You two showed up in the midst of our money fight. The rest is history."

Shizune however looked confused. "Okay, kid shows up, and on less then satisfactory bet he wins everything. You fight him for money. That doesn't explain how he ended up like how he is." Shizune poked his forehead for good measure. Naruto just glared at the offending hand and person.

"...that IS a good point. I wouldn't mind knowing how you're not in a coffin right now. In fact, the only reason I haven't is probably because I'm so drunk."

Sasuke scoffed "You don't look that drunk to me."

Tsunade just smirked. "Kid, when you drink as much as me, you get good at hiding it." She suddenly fell over her seat on the shoulder of Shizune, snoring softly.

"...she never could hold her liquor." Jiraiya sighed.

"I'll get her to the hotel. We'll have to continue this tomorrow." Shizune said.

"snur...I don't want the blue one...that's MY nipple you idiot..." Tsunade murmured in her sleep.

"Yeah. I'll try and track down a place that we can stay. I suppose that includes you to brat?"

Said head sighed. "Yeah, fine. I was going to sleep on a rooftop, but such places are not for a head without its body." Suddenly Naruto's eyes widened.

"I just realized something."

"Yeah?"

"...I don't actually know where my body is. I sent him to get a needle and thread to sew me back on and...shit..."

* * *

_/Mean...while.../_

"Can you believe we're watching this." Random civilian #1 said to random civilian #2.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either. I mean what's more amazing then watching a headless corpse play dance-dance revolution at a karaoke bar? And on heavy no less."

"What's more amazing? The fact that he's winning." Naruto's body suddenly jumped high and landed in the splits, tapping the color-coded arrows in tandem with what was on screen.

**"-stamp on the ground, jump, jump, jump, jump, move it all around-"**

(I know there's a copyright infringement in here, I just don't know where...just kidding, do not own ddr or this song)

* * *

Whilst this occurred, something more sinister slithered its way around the cities edge.

Slitted eyes caste their petrifying gaze down onto the many dotted lights of the town. They took everything, every tiny nuance that the town held, from its imposing Japanese castles to the soft rustling lanterns in the street below. The yellow eyes turned to its other in irritation. "Are you positive she is here?"

The shadow spilled away as his servant's glasses shone white. The silver top of the owner ruffled a bit as he scoffed. "Positive Orochimaru-sama. Her paper trail was easy to pick up. And if that weren't enough, this town is in the midst of a festival, a haven for gamblers. Tsunade wouldn't dare miss it."

A hiss of irritation met this, and the one called Kabuto did his best not to shirk back. "Yes, that is likely. But Tsunade was the most unpredictable out of us three. It would be..." A hiss from within his throat suddenly coiled up "...unpleasant if you wasted my time on an incorrect gamble, Kabuto."

"When have I ever done anything below the best my lord?" Orochimaru simply remained silent. "If it eases you my lord, I have some pain-killers." Kabuto reached into his back pocket.

"No. I am not so weak as to rely upon such things. I will take them when I ask for them." Kabuto froze, a small spike of killer-intent causing small mammals to scatter.

"O-of course my lord. Forgive my assumption. It is simply that I cannot stand to see you in such pain." He indicated towards his arms.

"Do not talk to me about pain!" This time Kabuto did take a step back. The eyes gained a dagger-like persona to them, the pale serpents fury cast through them like a portal. His useless arms hung at his sides, twitching slightly by will alone.

Orochimaru cast his eyes downwards at what was his greatest wound. "Curse that old man." He whispered. Sealing his arms, the ultimate insult! And the pain that accompanied it, even now they continued to rot to the bone. It was horrifically painful. "A...actually, give me something strong."

He sighed out. "Of course my lord." With practiced ease the needle flicked into the Sannin.

The plunger went down, and briefly the creature sighed. "That...is always pleasant." Kabuto didn't expect a thank you. Such things weren't needed for a servant such as himself.

"So what do you think now my lord. Simply scour the town? Or something more..." Kabuto trailed off.

Orochimaru on a literal high simply smirked. "No...We'll wait. There are two others that have just arrived. Let them take care of my enemies. Perhaps they'll even flush her out..."

Farther away two men, one blue and the other feminine twitched, before they both sneezed.

"That...was weird." The blue one said. His compadre remained silent as both their cloaks of black and red billowed.

"So if he knows its not a tailed beast that resides here, then why do you think he sent us." The blue one asked his counterpart.

Again there was quiet, before he spoke up. "...there are things just as strong as tailed beasts in this world. If we are to reach our fullest potential, it is best to remove anything that might put itself in our way." The dusk cast a red dawn on the forests canopy.

Akatsuki hung over the village of Tanzaku.

* * *

"Oh god how much did I drink last night?"

The 'ninja princess' cradled her head as though it were made of china and set to crack. Her red and unfocused eyes vainly attempted to discern where she was. The ceiling seemed to be familiar enough, so she opted to simply lie back and try to figure out where she was. So far she could determine that she WASN'T in an alley. That was generally a good sign.

"Hey sleepyhead!" Chirped a voice that Tsunade both knew and had grown to hate on a certain level.

"S...Shizune...please...no talky..." The groaned out, every word puncturing her frontal lobe like a spear. "G...grurughghoa." She laid back.

Shizune smirked however "Serves you right! Going out and gambling, not to mention drinking! And you didn't have the decency to even ask me to come! I'm not a kid you know."

"Then let me ask you a hypothetical question. Try and react how you would in a real situation. Do you want to go out drinking and gambling?"

"Well no, I have a lot to do, I need to go over our finance's and then take care of some errands, restock the fridge-"

"And that is precisely why I asked. You would have said no, and then not let me go out and do it. So there." The now more literate Tsunade laid back.

Shizune huffed. "I'm only busy because you don't do any of this!" She raised her voice and the Sannin winced. Resisting the urge to...well, to destroy things, Tsunade did her best to remain silent in the hopes Shizune would go away.

Her hopes were dashed.

"Oh no, you are waking up. We have a date to meet at."

Tsunade twitched. "If the next words out of your mouth are 'with Jiraiya' I cannot guarantee your safety, or your life…"

Shizune simply laughed it off, having been subjected to this same threat several times. "No, of course not!"

"Good. For a second there I thought I might have agreed to something I really hope I hadn't have-"

"It's with Jiraiya, that black-haired kid and that other boy who tried to cut your head off yesterday!" Shizune chirped cheerfully.

"...my life..."

Shizune remained silent in the face of her teacher's plight, only smirking. This day was gonna be fun, she could just tell...

* * *

"Oh man today is gonna suck!" The scalp of Naruto bit out on the coffee table. The other two who had previously been sacked out on the couch and floor respectively slowly slouched up, eyes twitching at the head that just wouldn't shut up.

"Sasuke...it's talking again. I thought you stuffed a sock in its mouth and taped its mouth shut?"

Sasuke blinked blearily, one eye after the other, mouth slack. "Sasuke...Sasuke taped his mouth..." Before suddenly slumping back into bed. Jiraiya sighed.

"Well I'm awake now. And how do you know today is gonna suck?" Jiraiya enquired.

"My body is 90% of me and it's still not back! I have no idea where he might be, what kind of shenanigans he's gotten into-my god, he's probably collected an entire harem of women by now!"

The sannin twitched. "The day women start lining up to marry a headless body is the day I get beaten by a sissy-man."

* * *

"Whats everyone lining up for?"

"Oh, this nice fellow at the alter's marrying women! He's pretty dreamy, and if you can ignore the small things wrong with him, he's actually a sweet guy!" The fairly attractive girl in front of her said, in full bridal gear.

"Ummm...he has no head."

"Yeah, but between you and me, I've heard that he has a gigantic-"

* * *

"-wallet. Where the hell is my wallet?" Jiraiya scrambled around for his things, checking the usual spots, from his pants to the inside of his headband.

"Umm, hello? It's right here. And could we please get back to the problem at hand? My headless body, MINE is lost. Do you have any idea what that guy can get into? He has no sense of morals and all my physical strength."

Jiraiya simply walked over and grabbed his wallet. "And here's where I stop listening. Since you don't have a body you don't have to really eat do you?" Naruto twitched.

"I didn't have to eat before, but that didn't stop me. Tasting is a wonderful sensation you know." Jiraiya however simply walked into the kitchen area, unpacking a box of cereal.

"God I love frosted flakes." Was heard before the sound of dozens of little flakes hitting porcelain.

Naruto had the decency to whine. "But...frosted goodness..."

His only answer was muffled crunching noises.

The morning dragged on. At one point Sasuke dragged himself off the floor and into a crossed legged position. Eyes red and bleary, he vainly looked left and right, before slowly settling on Naruto. For a moment their eyes locked, and there was a brief pause, only punctuated by the crunching of cereal. Then with a burst of energy he hadn't previously possessed before Sasuke was an inch from Naruto's face.

"You...have some explaining to do." He said slowly, his previous fatigue now completely gone.

Naruto, for lack of a better word, gulped. "Hey Sasuke. You seem a little more tense then at the bar, what's up with that?"

A bead of sweat rolled down his brow. "You could say I was still in shock, or you could say that I just wanted to know about the events prior, and that I was tired from the trip here. That doesn't matter. What does matter..." Sasuke's hand suddenly reached out and grabbed his hair, hoisting him up with a youch.

"Is that I have you and you can't get away. So you can't avoid my questions." The head frowned for a moment, before Sasuke realized something.

Naruto had surprisingly sharp teeth.

With the snap like a closed drawer the razor-sharp and filed to a point teeth suddenly clamped down on the very tip of his noise, sheering the skin. "Ouch!" Sasuke leaped back in reflex, Naruto's head falling to the ground.

"Ha-ha! Nowhere to run my non-existent ass!" The head suddenly began to hop away with surprising speed.

"Like hell!" The now infuriated Sasuke suddenly leaped forwards, trying to grab the flailing skull.

"Lemme go you bastard!" Naruto snapped. With his bandages moved slightly up, his face was a lot easier to discern. What jumped out the most were easily the teeth. In the place of normal human teeth there were teeth naturally sharp as a sharks, not filed down. This struck Sasuke as both surprising and confusing. Was that why he was always hiding his mouth, his teeth?

Then there were the marks on his cheeks and chin. Two thick black likes ran diagonally along his cheeks in the directions of his chin, which had the third marking another line, this one a sliver in comparison. On his right cheek there appeared to be a kanji, but it was still partially covered by bandages...

To halt his flailing Sasuke clapped both his palms down on the sides of his head, effectively ending any possibility of biting or escape. "Sasuke you bastard." Naruto growled, his newly revealed chompers adding a particular level of menace.

"Oh no, not until you answer my questions. Sakura's life is on the line, if you didn't know." Sasuke ground out. Naruto's flailing stilled as thought dawned on his face.

"Sakura? That pink haired girl you pretend you don't like?"

Sasuke flushed in surprise. "Y-yes, her. Whatever you did the doctors at the hospital are unable to explain it. She might die."

"You did what exactly?" Jiraiya's voice suddenly poked in.

Naruto's sweat drops doubled in number; the tension of the situation combined with his impossible escape was not making things look good. These guys...he couldn't really trust them, Sasuke maybe, but the sage had yet to do anything to REALLY prove his trustfulness. "What I did...I didn't do anything he didn't ask." Naruto indicated with his tongue.

Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. "Really?" He walked around and sat next to Sasuke, scrutinizing the skull. "...you know, those markings...I've seen them before..." Sasuke and Naruto both blanched in surprise.

"Y-you have?" Both asked in surprise, and in Naruto's case, horror.

"Well yes, something like that. You see, while traveling in the western lands, in the land of cloud specifically, I happened upon a young girl, with a similar facial deformity."

Naruto bristled at the deformity. "They're markings you jerk."

Jiraiya carried on unaffected. "She was often mistreated by her fellows. They called her things, threw rocks at her, generally ignored her. Some even went as far as to boycott her and petition for her death, all because of a few markings on her face." Sasuke blanched while Naruto was growing more and more intrigued, and oddly...disturbed looking, like he was reliving something...

"Why?" Sasuke finally asked, "I've heard of people shunning others for being different but that...that's just..."

Jiraiya cut him off. "Inhumane? Yes, it is. But its not an all together unheard of reaction, considering what she was." Both of them stilled.

_'How much...does this guy really know?' _Naruto asked himself.

"What she was? What do you mean what she was, she was something other then a little girl?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes. She was-" There was a sudden knock at the door.

Sasuke face-faulted, Naruto hitting the ground with him. "Hold on, I'll see who it is. Probably the landlord." Jiraiya stood up. Walking up to the door, pressed his ear to it. "Who is it?" He asked loud enough to be heard through the door.

"House keeping!" A distinctly male voice chirped back in singsong way. Jiraiya's eyes widened.

He leapt back moments before the door was turned into splinters at the hands of some massive blue object. The door was left ajar, Jiraiya not missing a beat. With a quick flick of the wrist several shuriken shot in a straight line towards they're target-

Only to be caught by a shockingly blue hand. "Yeesh, nobody ever tips me with money. Always sharp objects." Hoshigaki Kisame waltzed in, his sword Samehada held upside-down to match in the confined space. "Now which one of you is..." He trailed off, eyes falling on the skull of one Uzumaki Naruto. "Ah, that must be you. Your chakra tastes very strange..." The shark-man smirked, his teeth on par with Naruto's.

"Sasuke, get Naruto and run! I'll hold him off!"

Kisame's smirk fell immediately at this. "That's it? Distract me while the boy escapes? That's your plan? Dude I am so disappointed, I figured somebody like you would try something...well at least something a little more interesting." Kisame admonished with a shake of his head. "I really have to stop getting my hopes up." His grin returned. "Still, a Sannin. This outta get better."

"Sasuke, RUN!" Jiraiya shouted behind him. Before being trapped in shock, Sasuke snapped out of it, leaping up and grabbing Naruto's scalp by the hair again. Naruto's eyes could only widen in surprise.

"Oh like I'd let you." Kisame flashed forwards in front of Sasuke, who lurched back in surprise. With a practiced swing the Samehada came from below, in a forward uppercut--

Only to be caught by Jiraiya's wrist guard. "G-graauw!" Jiraiya growled out as the swords many scales ripped through his guard. With a boom Jiraiya was sent flying back, into Sasuke, who then barreled along with him out the front window into the streets below. In mid air Jiraiya twisted around, grabbing Naruto's ear and the back of Sasuke's shirt, before landing in a skid.

The missing-nin only blinked in surprise, before shrugging his sword onto his shoulder and hopping out the window. "Guess I don't know my own strength..."

Gingerly Jiraiya set the boy and a tenth of a boy on the ground. "As soon as you can, run! Go as far as you can, you two will only get yourselves killed here!"

Swallowing his pride, Sasuke nodded. "R-right. Come-on Naruto, lets-"

"Oh I don't think you'll find escape that easy otouto." Sasuke's blood turned to ice in his veins.

"Sasuke?" Naruto inquired up at his now very still carrier.

"He's here." Sasuke stood stock-still, painstakingly slow he crept a glance in the direction of the voice. At first nothing was there, before reality itself seemed to distort and a being of both elegance and death stepped out. Crimson tomoed eyes started down at the miniature version of itself. Uchiha Itachi eyed his younger sibling with an almost unearthly level of neutrality. Like Sasuke was nothing.

"Itachi." Sasuke whispered.

"It's been to long Sasuke. You never wrote me a letter. I'm hurt..." Sasuke's grip on Naruto's hair tightened to the point Naruto twitched. However the blonde remained silent. He could tell, something was up with these two, something that he shouldn't speak about.

"Sasuke, run." Jiraiya ground through grist teeth, his wrist still bleeding. Sasuke however didn't budge.

"...So that's your little brother. Scrawny little sucker isn't he?" Itachi sent a sidelong look at his partner. "What? I can't have an opinion?"

"ITACHI!" Sasuke bolted in a full sprint, his eyes blazing into the two tomoes of his Sharingan. The Sharingan recorded everything around it, from the teensiest pebble to the three comma's in the eyes of the man he had sworn to kill. He saw Jiraiya's eyes widen in horror. He saw Kisame's smile flash with so many shark-like teeth. And he saw his brother's face remain unmoving the entire time.

He didn't see the blow.

The arm was just behind his head, and his face suddenly hurt, and his feet were suddenly not on the ground. Then he was spinning around, his body skipping across the ground at high speeds. He didn't see the elbow in his back, but he certainly felt it a second later as it send him cart wheeling into the air. His world seemed to slow however when a voice whispered in his ear. "You have something we want."

Despite screaming pain Sasuke swiveled his head around to face his brother, who remained almost suspended behind him. He was looking directly at him.

He didn't see the roundhouse hit him, but he did happen to see the wall he'd been kicked towards streaming towards him. Twisting around vainly to lessen the blow, Sasuke nonetheless slammed into the wall with great force. "G-gaw!" Blood pooled out of his lips. The pain wasn't over yet. A fist suddenly grasped the front of his shirt, propping him up against the wall.

"Still so small Sasuke." Itachi spoke in a low voice.

Jiraiya stared. This man...this man was a whole other level of ninja. "Sasuke!" He crouched low to pounce-

Only to have to leap to the side as Samehada nearly cut him in half. Jiraiya's face was livid at the sociopath blocking his way. Kisame just smiled. "Its rude to interrupt family you know."

Naruto snapped to attention at this line. "That's...Sasuke's father?"

"No, I am this despicable little boys older brother. If you can even relate us. Tell me Sasuke, are you still after me for that silly idea of revenge?" Sasuke's heavy breathing was his only reply. "Hmm...how rude. You should listen to your elders." A fist suddenly appeared inside Sasuke's gut, his face twisting into agony. "Lets see if you survive this, otouto." He gripped Sasuke's hair and forced Sasuke to look up.

Sasuke's face grimaced, before it all to quickly slackened. From his position Naruto couldn't see what was going on, but it became clear quickly it wasn't good.

The silence that permeated the area suddenly shattered as Sasuke started screaming. Earsplitting shrieks leapt from his throat, echoing through the now very empty streets. Sasuke's body spasmed, before he fell silent, his head lobbing lifelessly to the side. The silence was now deafening. But was quickly cut by the thump of a twelve-year old body. "So weak. Its sad." Itachi swished his hair to the side.

"You bastard!" Jiraiya had had enough. "You wanna kill children? Well then you'll have to deal with the gallant Jiraiya! Suck on this!" Jiraiya's hands suddenly flashed.

"Not so fast!" Kisame cackled-

Before being sent careening into a wall, crashing through it with a prejudice. Jiraiya now stood on top of a massive toad, perhaps not the renowned Gamabunta but a toad of impossible size. Sasuke and Naruto's skull sat on its top, Sasuke lying unconscious and Naruto clutched at Jiraiya's side. "Monsters. The worlds just full of monsters." Jiraiya muttered to himself. Naruto tried to ignore the context of what he said, and how it applied to him.

"BASTARDS LIKE YOU DESERVE NO MERCY!" In a flash the toad's gigantic swords were drawn, smashing the street below. "Watch the houses, try your best to minimize damage!" Jiraiya hollered over the cacophony. If the toad, which had already destroyed so much, didn't respond if he'd heard. In the streets below, Kisame and Itachi looked skyward.

"We can take him." Kisame hissed out as he hefted his sword across his shoulder

Itachi nodded. "Yes, but be on edge."

However, before they could leap into action, a second voice joined the fray. "Figures I'd find you doing something flashy and stupid!" A voice bristling with confidence suddenly shot over the sound of stomping. A second massive shadow, not as large as the toads but still colossal, was suddenly cast onto them.

"Uh, Itachi. There's a Sannin behind us, isn't there?" Itachi remained silent, before sighing.

"...shit."

"Suck on this!" Katsuya the slug suddenly vomited a torrent of acid, splattering and simultaneously burning the street below. Kisame and Itachi narrowly dodged in mid-air, before being forced to substitute as a blade suddenly cleaved both of them in two. On a rooftop for away, they crouched, assessing the situation. "Okay, here's the plan. You sneak up behind them and be all spooky...and I cut the old guy down first." Itachi however had a different idea.

"Not worth it. Lets retreat and report in. I am...drained." Kisame made a noise like a child that was being denied his candy, but at the sound of a "Get out here so I can castrate you two then feed you to a giant acid-spitting slug!" He nodded. Rather then part with something more important than their dignity. Into the shadows of the alleys they slipped, not to be heard from for a long time.

About an hour later, after the summons were gone, Tsunade crouched over the still body of Sasuke.

* * *

"He's not good." She summed up in a single sentence.

Jiraiya remained grave while the scalp of Naruto just looked worriedly at the body. "What do you think it is? Some sort of Ninjutsu that attacks the pain-receptors of the mind?"

Tsunade shook her head. "No, this has Genjutsu all over it. But from the damage...well, there's nothing I've ever heard of that could do something like this." She indicated to Sasuke, whose breathing was shallow enough that one would have thought him a corpse.

"Its like he's physically been pulled into a nightmare or something. He's showing signs of fatigue I've only ever seen in torture victims. Frankly...I can't say I'm equipped to heal him in any way. This would require EXTENSIVE equipment and texts, not to mention resources. Frankly...we need to get him to a more secure hospital. But that'd be dangerous, as moving him the way he is could...well, kill him." Tsunade stroked her chin thoughtfully. Jiraiya remained stoic, but still grave.

"Naruto...you were fairly close to his brother when Sasuke was...attacked. Do you have any ideas?"

Naruto hummed. "Well...he looked right in Sasuke's eyes. That's all I know."

Jiraiya nodded. "The Sharingan strikes again I see. Without a doubt this is Genjutsu. But that isn't our priority right now, Sasuke's life is. I suppose I could make a run back to Konoha. I'll need help however..."

Shizune looked up. "I...I'll help. We'll need something to carry him with. He's in no condition to be carried without a stretcher." She hurried off.

By now civilians began to peak out of the rubble, shaken eyes marveling at the now crumbling streets. "Tsunade...I'll be back as soon as I can. Watch yourself, those goons might be back..." Jiraiya trailed off.

Tsunade however remained unfazed. "Its fine. I just hope the staff at Konoha are equipped enough for something like this." She indicated to the still form of Sasuke. Jiraiya's eyebrows widened.

"Actually, that's what I've been meaning to talk to-"

Suddenly however Shizune appeared. "Okay, I found a man who can rent us a wooden carrier. It's just long enough for Sasuke to lie on. Unfortunately the carriage is for people, so...well I have been meaning to work on my cardio." Shizune joked.

Jiraiya sighed. "Figures. Dammit, why can't someone invent the car already?" No one really got what the joke meant.

"Okay, well, lets get set then." Jiraiya gingerly picked up the body of Sasuke, who slipped limply in his grasp.

His arms hung lifelessly. It was something Naruto found disturbing in particular. "Man I miss my body." He whispered.

With a clunk the door of the wooden carriage snapped shut, both Jiraiya and Shizune slipping it on over their shoulders. "Okay well, we need to go before anyone realizes it was us that did all this and sticks us with the bill. I'll catch you guys as soon as we get back!" Jiraiya said before turning in tandem with Shizune.

"Oh, and before I forget Tsunade-"

"If this is another marriage proposal I swear to-"

"I need you to be the Godaime Hokage k? Think it over and answer when we get back!" With that, Jiraiya led a dumbfounded Shizune away.

"...wait, wha?"

* * *

**Well that was something.**

**Next chapter should have a bit more carnage. Orochimaru now sits, poised over a practically unguarded Tsunade. Naruto's body remains at an unknown location. And the health of both Sasuke and Sakura remain in the balance. When will I shed light on the mysteries I just continue to expand on?**

**Sometime I guess. I don't know how long I want to be working on fanfiction. Sometime though. Srsly, it is da funk.**

**Also, for the sake of reviews, I offer two previews for next, hopefully epicly long chapter:**

**Preview 1:**

**'A soft breath escaped her lips, a familiar presence within the building assailed her senses. "..Sasuke...kun..." She hushed, a loft of pink hair falling from her lips.'**

**Preview 2:**

**'A white porceline figure towered form the gut of the child, its body sharply snapping and bending into its true form. With a flourish its arms spread out, red bandana bending over its scalp, thin trail of blood red wrappings flashing in the wind. "Here's Jashin!".'**

**Doesn't this all sound nice? Agree? Then review, I can't wait to see your reactions!**


	10. Violence Nuff said

**Originally I was going to do an update of a one-shot I took the liberty of writing a fairly long time ago. But unfortunately, creativity seemed to ditch me part way through and well, frankly, it just stopped being worth the effort.**

**Again, I am on deviantart.**

**Just click my homepage button at my profile, or look up Nun2artzy/Jashin fan-character/anything else. I would like it to go on record the only art utensils I own are two mechanical pencils, a stack of photo-copy paper, a sketch book, and a few pens, one of which is for Japanese calligraphy.**

**Well, now that that's out of the way, the customary READ shall now commence. Also, I will be concentrating on Jashin for a period of time, as nine chapters is just pathetic. Sorry to all you fans of cutting strings, but I am again in the rut.**

**Also, Pyromaniac Uzumaki Naruto…its not gonna happen for a while, so calm your britches.**

She sat in a particularly deserted bar, sipping away at sake, lost in her thoughts. It wasn't something that was uncommon; she had after all lived a long life with many things to look back on. But this recent news…it really shook her, something that hadn't happened to Tsunade in a long, long time.

'_I'm going to be Godaime Hokage.' _This was flooring news, and not news she was necessarily happy about.

"No ones ever lived long or particularly well as a Hokage that much is true." Tsunade sipped at her drink again. The strong alcohol seared her throat, though she took slight notice, her mind to heavily preoccupied.

What was she going to do? Refuse most likely. That village was not a happy place in her mind. There was nothing there but old memories coupled with old pains.

' "_We're sorry but we can't allow you to enter this area," the official said sternly to a woman who could heft his weight as easily as a feather._

' "_Not allowed-this was my house!" She tore past him, throwing open the charred door as a medical team placed a blanket over her deceased brothers mangled remains.'_

Her teeth clenched in the face of these memories. "Yeah…I'll be the Godaime Hokage. When hell freezes over that is." She pitched the entire glass back, before slamming it down on the table and ordering another.

"Who are you talking to?" asked the diminutive figure at her side. Sliding her chair around she fixed her gaze on the still-very-much-a-skull Naruto, resting on a stool. "Myself, obviously. Who else could I be talking to, other then the bartender, and you?" She swigged back another cup.

"That's pretty unhealthy you know, talking to yourself," Naruto muttered softly.

"**Indeed it is,"** piped up a voice in his head.

'_Quiet you,' _Naruto snapped exasperatedly at himself (technically Jashin).

"Okay, you are not helping here. I don't even know why I brought you in here in the first place," Tsunade sighed, face flush with the alcohol.

"Well, I'd say it's my animal magnetism, but frankly that's a long shot considering bodily limitations. So I'll ask you; why did you bring me here? Did you want to talk to me; because that's the most useful thing I can do currently."

Tsunade remained quiet for a while, just sipping her drink. With a clink her glass hit the counter, before she pulled out a few bills. "Thanks for the booze." She said, pulling Naruto up and leaving a few bills on the table. She wasn't entirely sure whether or not she had paid the appropriate price, but as drunk as she was and as low as she felt, she honestly didn't care.

"So we're not having a heart felt discussion about issues are we?"

Tsunade sent him a discouraging look. "I barely know you, and I'm still way too sore to talk about what's bothering me. Especially with the person I beheaded by accident."

Naruto frowned. "Oh, that, I'm not that upset about it. I mean sure, its annoying, but it has happened before. No hard feelings."

She shook her head. "It's personal. Just leave it alone okay?"

Naruto fell silent, though in his mind he was contemplating what she could mean. The walk eventually led them to the two story hotel that she was currently staying in. "Wow, nice place. Should've asked Jiraiya to let us crash here instead."

Tsunade scoffed however. "Yeah, good luck. You wouldn't know it, but that perverts cheaper then you and I combined. And that's saying something from a chronic gambler and…well I'm not really sure what to make of you." She climbed the steps of the building, unlocking room 9. With a simple toss Naruto landed on a couch, sideways.

"Jeez, warn me next time!" he cried from the seat as Tsunade walked past. Surveying the room, he was surprised at how Spartan it was. A single table with mats served as the eating area, with a few simple pictures on the walls and a lamp over head.

"Hey, I'm goin' to bed, don't wake me up until I want to get up, got it?" She huffed irritably.

"Uh, but…" The door to her room snapped shut. "…my body…" He bemoaned quietly.

Inside the room Tsunade laid down with a huff, her drunkenness not enough to take the edge of worry from her features. "What am I gonna do now…?" She openly asked herself.

"…get Naruto's body back…" A ghostly voice through the wall spoke up. "…and get him a sandwich too …"

"Shut up Naruto, or when I find your body I'll attach that head of yours somewhere unpleasant." The voice went silent immediately.

Fitfully Tsunade fell asleep.

* * *

_Elsewhere…_

"Wow, so this is Konoha. It's not as secret as I originally thought it would be," Shizune spoke aloud absently.

"Yeah it's more of a city then a hidden village, so be on your toes," Jiraiya instructed.

Though Shizune simply looked at him with a hint of annoyance. "I've been to a city before; I'm not five after all."

However, as she stepped through the threshold of the gate, she couldn't help but be taken back at the awesome landscape. The buildings that made up the village held a combination of old wooden hut and new-age skyscraper, reaching fairly high up. Silhouetted against this open plain of buildings sat the famous Hokage monument, the four faces casting an awesome might over the entire village.

"…wow…"

Jiraiya smirked at her awestruck exclamation. "Yeah, I know. Come on, we're not here to sight-see. How is the little guy holding up anyways?" Jiraiya inquired to the contents of the makeshift carrier they had acquired.

Sliding the door open, Sasuke remained inside, still barely breathing. "Not good, but technically alive."

Gravely Jiraiya nodded. "Then let's find the hospital. Don't worry, I know a short-cut, I've been sent there enough times."

Shizune frowned.

"What? The life of a pervert is a perilous one."

Her frown only grew annoyed. "Jiraiya-sama, please refrain from such jokes as the one you just made. I will otherwise have to poison you in your sleep."

Jiraiya just laughed, "That threat never gets old…"

Shortly the hospital came into view, its large, white washed walls fairly hard to miss considering the general light red and orange the other houses were painted/colored. "Wait out here; I'll get a doctor as soon as I can." Shizune nodding, he entered the doors with a swish.

A receptionist at the end of the hall greeted him. "Excuse me sir, but do you have an appointment?" she asked, reading a magazine absently.

"Ah, no, but I might have something better."

She raised her eyebrows. "No appointments mean you won't be entered in quickly sir. I'm sorry, but with the invasion we are straight booked with patients. You can fill out a form here." She handed him a piece of paper.

Jiraiya made no move to take it. "Now, you see-" he paused to read her name tag, "-Suki, that's the problem. You see, I have the last heir to the Uchiha clan outside, unconscious. Now, if he doesn't get help as soon as possible, he could very well die. I can understand your swamped with patients, but if you could make an EEENSY exception for him, that be great," Jiraiya nodded sweetly.

Suki's pen dropped to the floor.

* * *

"Oh my god, you're lucky you got here when you did," the stern doctor said, observing Sasuke's eyes with a flash light. The milky white of his eyes stared into the small portable device. "He's in some sort of genjutsu induced coma, but how: I have no idea. No illusion I've ever heard of is powerful enough to induce the symptoms like this. You're sure it was a ninja technique that did this to him, not a disease?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Without a doubt."

"Then I can't really do anything on hand. With the hospital as it is, we can only try to keep him stable condition until someone with more training in medical jutsu is on hand. I'm sorry, but we can offer him a room to stay in. Someone of his prestige is allowed certain benefits after all."

The doctor stepped back from the bed to look Jiraiya in the face. "Now as to how he came like this…"

Jiraiya raised his hand. "Technically it's a ninja internal affair. But as you're the head doctor of this wing, I'd say your fairly qualified enough that it shouldn't be too much trouble, to acquire legit papers. Otherwise, I can't legally tell you."

The doctor frowned, but nodded. "I'll…get on that, but I can't REALLY help him without knowing the cause of his ailment."

Jiraiya didn't waver however. "It's my neck and yours if I tell you straight away. Its serious stuff though, and I'm not entirely sure if you can help. There is someone who can though, who if I could guess, is coming soon."

The doctor's eyebrows shot up. "And who pray tell, is more qualified then me, the head of this facility?"

Jiraiya smirked. "Well that I can tell you. You know of Tsunade, who happens to be a…acquaintance of mine."

If possible, the doctor's eye shot up. "Y-you're…you're Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya blanched. "NO! I am the gallant sannin Jiraiya. Don't throw me in the same basket as the snaky SOB! Besides, I'm WAY more handsome then he is!"

The doctor chuckled awkwardly, "My apologies, I have only heard of Tsunade and Orochimaru. I wasn't aware there was a third sannin." Jiraiya's exasperation only grew.

Recollecting himself, he turned to stare at Sasuke, who lay prone in the hospital bed, an IV at his side. "So…your professional opinion if he'll make it?"

The doctor shook his head. "I have no idea. I, like I said, have never seen anything like this. A coma, induced by a genjutsu, the implications…" He shook himself.

Taking from a desk at Sasuke's a clipboard, he handed it to Jiraiya, who scanned it. "You'll have to act as guardian in the…absence of a parent. So you'll have to fill out his papers."

This time it was Jiraiya's eyebrows shot up.,"H-his guardian? Me? Are you serious?"

The man nodded. "You might be aware, but this boy's entire family was, well, murdered."

Jiraiya nodded. "I am all too aware."

Taking the clipboard he allowed it to hang at his side. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to care for at this time." With this, the man left.

Reading over the sheet quickly enough, Jiraiya looked behind him as Shizune walked through the door. "I saw the doctor leave," she said as she cautiously entered the room, "Is he going to be…?"

Jiraiya frowned. "The doctor doesn't know. With the equipment he can be put in a stable position, but they have no idea how to get him out of it."

Shizune's hand came up to her lips, "So…we came here for nothing?"

Jiraiya's smile took her by surprise. "No; we have the equipment and all medicine, now all we need is the Tsunade. And if I know her well enough, she'll be heading this way in no time." This seemed to comfort Shizune, though not entirely at the confliction in her expression.

'_She will come, won't she?'_

The still-as-death figure at the bedside continued to breathe softly. Elsewhere another body stirred within the confines of its bed, aroused by the presence of none other then the last Uchiha.

"…Sasuke…"

* * *

Bleary eyes slowly opened as Tsunade awoke, in a full hangover from the night before. Cradling her noggin for the second night in a row, she tried to stand up and draw some semblance of where she was. After determining that she was inside her own apartment, Tsunade followed suite by scrounging around for some migraine pills and a glass of water.

Locating these two items, then combining, she created: **"HEADACHE-REMIDY" (Charisma +2, Constitution+1, Dexterity +5)**

She then proceeded to sit down on her bed, trying to make some discretion on what to make of a day without Shizune around to bother her. "I could gamble. Gambling's the solution to all of life's problems. But without Shizune, I'd be gambling alone. Not smart, considering what happened last time…wait, but I have that brat…" She slid her door open to check on her only other occupant…

To find he was gone, the door ajar the only evidence, save for the small poorly written note

"_Gone to get body. Sober up soon."_

_-Naruto_

"…how did he open the door? Or write this note?" she asked herself openly. Well this solved her personal conflict of what to do with herself.

But as to how she was going to find him, well, it shouldn't be that hard. "I mean really, how hard could it be to find a talking human head?" She threw her things together and headed out the door.

The question of how Naruto got the door open was better left unanswered. But what was even more interesting was his mode of travel. As it turned out, being only a head meant that a speedy search was probably not going to occur.

"Damn lack of body, makin' me hop around as I am, this is way worse then last time…" Naruto growled, causing passersby to give the angry head a wide berth.

"How am I gonna do this anyways? Hand out fliers?" he openly asked himself. Again, passersby just went around him. "Maybe I could try asking around or..."

He was however interrupted by a swift kick to the noggin.

"Gaaaah!" To his eternal ire, a child running down the street accidentally connected his foot with the back of Naruto's head, sending him careening down the gravel roads. Buildings skipped past in a blur of colors, before he was abruptly stopped by a surprisingly firm wall of flesh.

Although unable to vomit from the severe case of motion sickness, Naruto did however make several gauging noises, before he managed to constrain his urge to lie on the ground till the world stopped spinning. His capture however, remained silent.

…on account of it being his own body.

"Body? Body, is that you?" The stump appeared to nod, in his usual attire as well. "Oh my google I missed you!" Tears streamed down his eyes, unrestrained. "We need a tailor, I gotta get sowed back on you ASAP, 'kay?"

The body remained motionless. …Before setting him down on the ground and preceding to walk away.

"H-hey! You ungrateful body you!" It didn't respond even if it could. "Teme…" Naruto growled out slowly, a promise of pure doom upon his own flesh. Only it went unheeded, as the body was, well, without ears.

"Okay, fine then. I guess I'll just have to spend the rest of my life enjoying food and French-kissing." The body stopped in its tracks.

'_Yes, not so tough when I have everything you need to truly enjoy life."_ It should go on record that the tongue is necessary for both French kissing and eating.

With great pain his body turned back to its original owner, walking over and slowly picking him up. Pausing only to recount its time alone with itself, a not all together rare occurrence, he nodded. Naruto beamed through his bandages.

"Think of it this way: I'm in charge, so you're not at fault if anything happens."

Pedestrians looked on with a combination of confusion intrigue. "Isn't that the body that was getting married?" one person asked another.

"Isn't that the head who was hanging around with that buxom blonde not to long ago?" another asked.

"He must be a super playboy or something."

"Am I the only one even remotely disturbed at the idea of a head and body both getting on dates I never could, both separate from one another?" a final person asked.

This drew Naruto's and Naruto's body's attention. "What the hell are YOU starrin' at?" The crowd violently dispersed at the display of killer-intent.

"Okay, I need you to walk me back to the apartment, okay?" No response but the body slowly turning around in the direction of Tsunade's place, only to stop at the presence of another person.

"There you are. And I see you found your little buddy no less. Good, this will make my life a little easier then," Tsunade said with an exasperated air.

"Tsunade! Look who I found, right? I need you to sow my head back on."

She frowned. "…say you're sorry. And please, I want to hear a please."

Naruto blanched. "Sorry? For what?"

Tsunade's eyes flashed with a devilish air, the once peaceful street now taking on a sinister wind. "…for winning that pot."

"WHAT?" Righteous indignation flashed on Naruto's still not attached face. "And why in all the sans hell would I do that?"

The sinister wind blew the lanterns of the street. "…because I'm the only one who'll sow your head back on of course."

'_Shit!'_ She had him. "F-fine, whatever, it's not like it's a big deal or anything. I'm s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-oooor-r-y…." He panned off.

"What, come again?" Tsunade nudged his already bruised ego.

"I said I'm SORRY! Now could you PLEASE sow my head back on, you horrible witch."

Tsunade her head away from him, casting a look of disinterest said, "Naw, I think I'd rather just go gamble and drink, since Shizune's not here anyways." She turned to leave.

"W-w-w-WAIT A MINUTE!" he cried out in shock, "Sow my head back on, you promised!"

She stopped with a sigh, "Fine-fine, just let me get a needle and thread…" She was cut off however, when Naruto's body produced a needle and thread from its pockets. "Why do you…?" She trailed off, but the quick "Don't ask" as all she received in response.

Several minutes of sewing later, after finally sowing the head on the right way, Naruto stood back, slowly regaining control of his limbs. "Oh my god that is good." He flexed his fingers, then his toes, then he ran around a little.

"Thank you," he said in a very uncharacteristic way,

Tsunade taken aback by this shift in his usual demeanor. "Y-you're welcome?" she said in surprise.

"Well try not to get used to it. I have to keep up my air of indifference after all….baba."

The air suddenly became very thick with killer-intent. "The hell you call me, you little shrimp?" The scythe flashed out, and her knuckles cracked.

"You know, I am at a disadvantage here. I haven't reestablished my blood flow, so I am weakened temporarily."

Tsunade grinned, showing almost fanglike teeth. "Then I'll be sure to avoid punching your head off again."

They flew at each other.

* * *

The hospital was silent as ever, the only noise being the occasional blip from a heart-monitor, and the drips of I.V.'s. The occasional cough only accented this.

The hallways plain white walls in the dark cast a sinister light to them that made the nurse on duty extremely edgy.

The sound of her feat tapping against the hard floor could be heard down the entire hall, something that only added to the overall effect of the room. Stopping at one of the rooms, she reached up and checked the clipboard. The patient was one Haruno Sakura, admitted some time before with no real illness other then a strange mark on her, and the fact she was in a coma. Gripping the handle, she cracked it open-

-before a flurry of motion at the end of the hall caught her attention. A sudden scuffling noise that seemed to emanate the hallways rose up, making goosebumps pop up all over her skin. "H-hello?" She asked voice hesitant and terrified.

The darkness greeted her back, no response of course, just the sound of her hitched breathing. "Wh-whoever you are, I should warn you, I have training as a ninja!" She flipped a kunai from seemingly nowhere, twirling it around in her fingers.

The silence pervaded. "Jeez, Tsuki, talking to yourself here…" She said with a sigh, standing up straight.

A loud bang rang through the hall overhead.

With a jump, she whirled around, trying to find the source of the commotion. "Lights, I need to hit the lights." Tearing down the hallway, she found at the end of the wall the light switches. Fumbling around in the pitch dark, she tried to find the correct switch-

Light flooded the dark hall, the luminescence allowing her to see everything. Standing up slowly, she scanned for anything out of the norm. Nothing moved or changed in the light however. Nothing.

"Must be a mouse in the vents or something…" She sighed in relief-

Then the lights instantly died, bathing her in the dark again. With a weak flicker, they were no more. "W-whats going on?" She turned around, violently flicking the switches to turn them on. No response. The power had been cut.

She pressed her back against the wall, trying to vainly put together why this was happening to her. She came to a blank simply because her mind was in too much of a panic. Then the banging started again.

This time direction was identifiable. It was moving towards her, the clangs and bangs getting louder and louder with every passing second. "G-ghhhh." Words failed her in terror, before all at once, the banging just ceased.

The silence was choking, the unseen entity creeping within it, somewhere. Images of some horrible creature set on her death pervaded Tsuki's mind. She snapped under the stress. "GAAAAAA!" With a scream she tore down the hallway in a panic.

Doctors and patients shot up in the dark, shocked by the sudden screech. The clanging suddenly exploded in pitch, tearing down the hall after her. The screaming inside her head was louder then the one in her throat _'RUN! DON'T LET IT GET YOU!'_

The end of the hallways came a pair of twin doors, normally which would have opened. To her horror however, when she slammed into them, they didn't budge. No amount of pushing could open them; try as she might, the banging closing in on her.

"Screw it!" She burst through a patient's door on the right of her, slamming it closed and locking it, before falling on her knees, breathing heavily in terror. The banging outside it ceased, and for a moment, she dared to hope she had lost the mysterious creature. She spoke too soon.

The bang resumed, though much softer, _Inside the room._

Tears streamed down her face as the crushing terror overwhelmed her. There was no escape from it, no escape from this creature that stalked her. She succumbed to her fate, unable to cast off the overwhelming fear the banging induced.

With a mighty clang, the vent inside the room exploded open, the near complete darkness of the room masking the creature's presence. _'So this is how I die.' _She gasped in horror, before the ominous waiting for the creature to descend upon her.

It never came for her.

With a flick power was restored to the room, and her assailant was made plain before her. The vent of the room was kicked out of the wall, laying prone on the floor with a large dent in it. There was no other occupant in the room, save for her, and the patient.

But, wait, that wasn't true, there was a third person. On top of one Uchiha Sasuke their lay a girl with pink hair, sighing contently while she clung onto him through the blankets.

Tsuki took this in, before she promptly fainted.

* * *

"You've called us here why exactly?" Haruno Sakura's mother (I don't know, we'll call her Gyko) Gyko said, eyeing Jiraiya, who in her opinion looked a little hung over. "And why am I sitting beside such a lecher as this man." She said, though Jiraiya only smirked.

"I've called you here because both of your children are causing some unknown levels of destruction to your hospital," spoke the hospitals director through clenched teeth.

Miss Haruno took a step back, while Jiraiya just blanched. "I don't have a son! You can't prove anything! I am in no way affiliated with the princess of Tsuchigakure!"

Both the head nurse as well as Gyko just stared at the old white haired man.

"I mean, what son? I have no son."

"Uchiha Sasuke," mattered the director while messaging her temples.

"Oh, yeah, right, HIM. Yeah, he's my kid. Whatever."

Gyko however sent him a strained look, "Your not Uchiha Sasuke's father. Uchiha Sasuke's father was an Uchiha, and one who is actually benefited our culture. Not like you, whose only crown achievement is writing smut."

"Smut that you've heard about I see. This is how I know I'm an important part of the community. For what would society be without dirty books?"

She frowned heavily, not dignifying this point. "Could we please get back on the topic at hand?"

They turned away from each other, to the director of the hospital.

"To be frank, your children have caused a certain level of destruction in my hospital, particularly your child, Haruno-sama. We believe that it may have something to do with how Uchiha Sasuke and she are connected but-"

"That's not possible. My Sakura is a diligent, good, hardworking ninja of the village. You're mistaken."

The director frowned, shuffling through several papers. "I beg to differ, as would the nurse she gave a panic attack to, as well as the number of patients that were woken up by said nurse's scream. She is currently on leave." If anything, Sakura's mother simply frowned deeper.

"This is altogether disbelievable, considering the fact, last I checked, that both of them were in a very DEEP coma, Sasuke in particular." The doctor shuffled a paper on his desk around, but Jiraiya's keen eyes caught the slip of paper. It was a report, and in the moment his eyes had to scan it, the word Sasuke popped up at least four times.

"It's not necessarily on his own that Uchiha-sama would be of such problem to us. It's his affect to the other patient, Haruno Sakura, that is the point of distress. To be frank, moments before the events that led to these damages occurred, Sakura's brain activity spiked. Into the bizarre levels."

"That is because my daughter is a genius." Miss Haruno couldn't help but jab in. Jiraiya was growing to dislike this woman.

"Well, that could be it, but we believe, as I've been alluding to, an outside force. When I say bizarre, I mean _near inhuman _levels. Her brain easily exceeded the normal ten percent activity ranges, which to say the least shocking. For reference…" He was cut off by Haruno-san's hand.

"I'm aware of the percentile of human brain activity."

He nodded. "Then you understand the significance to spike to over twenty-four percent. And it's not necessarily healthy for a brain to be that active. But that's beside the point.

"From what the nurse on hands account claims, she used the vents to move around, another disturbing detail. Why she didn't, say, walk through the door is a mystery. But again, nothing about this occurrence can be described as 'normal'".

Jiraiya nodded. "You mentioned Sasuke was tied to this. I know from his personal account that Young Haruno has a slightly higher level of infatuation with him. Do you think that could be related?"

"With the nature of her injury, who knows? This whole thing is becoming a stress head. Now, to address this problem, I can't simply move her to another room or Sasuke the same. We would risk another of these incidents." He stood up, turning to the blinds of his window. "Likewise we can't kick either out…so…"

"So?" Jiraiya pressed, just a millisecond faster then Sakura's mom.

"So, we're going to move them into the same room together. Who knows, if this 'infatuation' as Jiraiya-sama described is related to her brain activity, there's a chance of staying around the Uchiha, could in fact wake her." Sakura's mothers features softened." So, my little girl…?"

He shook his head. "It's entirely theoretical. But where there is hope…I'm sorry. This is just something I had to be sure that you were all aware of." He turned back to them, passing their chairs, before opening the doors of his office. "Thank you for your time, and I wish both of your children the best of luck." They nodded, though as the door shut, Miss Haruno shot Jiraiya a disgruntled look.

"You're not an Uchiha." She stated bluntly, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"And you're not…um…nice?" Jiraiya muttered, eliciting a sudden glint in her eye.

"That is of little concern. Listen here; I was fully aware of Sakura's attachment to Uchiha Sasuke. But if you're his father, even surrogate, that is grounds from complete disbandment of this relationship. Here and now." Jiraiya raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, you must be someone who's more familiar with my, less then satisfactory habits?" She didn't need to nod; the look on her face said it all. "I am only representing the brat while he's in here, in absence of a parent."

She took a step back, but her expressions hardness only took half a step. "Be that as it may…" She didn't finish the sentence though, letting her threat hang down the hospital hallway.

"Good day." She left without a look back.

Jiraiya watched her retreating back until it passed through the door at the end of the hall. "Damn she's tightly wound. Nice ass though…" He turned on his heel-

-and came face to face with a very irritated look on Shizune's face. "What was that about that woman bum?" Was her only pre-warning, giving Jiraiya the courtesy to glower in horror for a moment.

Pain.

* * *

The trail of destruction was yet again the only sign that either of them had fought at all. Witnesses would only account to a black and blonde blur smashing against a green and blonde blur, not entirely sure what was causing the slash damage to various houses. One man would say they were magical pixies performing a mating dance that was simply destructive in nature.

He was ignored.

Back at Tsunade's apartment, a very tired Naruto and Tsunade sat in opposite chairs, looking scuffed by surprisingly alive. Dirt from the gravel roads, a few bits of straw in Tsunade's hair, while Naruto dripped water onto the floor, his head soaked.

It had been fun in a 'slightly trying to kill you' way.

"…your pretty strong gaki." Tsunade choked out, gasping for breath after pitching back a water bottle. "I am really out of shape though, if fighting you like that is making me this tired." She sat back with a sigh. "Youth, how I miss thee."

"Yeah, I know. I need to practice way more too." _'Probably shouldn't mention I was trying really, REALLY hard. Freakin' crazy old lady.' _He sat back. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a shower." He stood up abruptly, turning to go to the warmth and relaxation of said shower-

-only to be stopped by an abrupt pull at his sleeve. Turning, he found a very disgruntled looking Tsunade holding him in a nigh unbreakable grip. "Not to be _rude…"_her voice held a very dangerous edge to it "-but it's customarily LADIES FIRST."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, now hold on, you're not the one who smells like a…" he drifted off however, his attention drawn to the arm she was holding.

"Smell like a…?" Tsunade inquired, before looking at the same hand she now held. "Uh…huh…" was all she could say, her eyebrows raising almost past her hairline.

"…did I…get MARRIED?" Naruto's crept into an alarming level as he inspected the golden band wrapped around his finger. "Holy crap I'm married. Holy CRAP I'M MARRIED!" he shouted now, starting to go into a panic.

"Whoa, okay, calm down. I'm sure that it wasn't a legitimate wedding, especially since at the time, you were legally deceased. Just take it off and hawk it somewhere. Kids these days just don't think."

With a pat on his back, she opened and shut the bathroom door with a snap, leaving the still near hyperventilating blonde. "Easy for her to say, she's never married somebody without knowing it."

The sound of running water was his only response, Tsunade most likely planning on using all the hot water within the housing structure. "Frick." He sat back, rolling the ring in between his fingers, mulling down the shock. The question remained who would marry a headless body, even one as studdly as his, but frankly he wasn't sure if he really wanted to meet his person.

He imagined they weren't the most sane or pleasant if they were resorting to necro-marriage. Or worse.

A chill ran up and down his body.

The last few months were just plain crazy. From the moment he'd stepped into Konoha, his whole life had been turned upside down, AGAIN.

First Anko, then Sasuke and Sakura, then that Hinata girl, and of course Jiraiya. One after another his previously detached life was becoming more and more weighed down with people, who he begrudgingly found himself caring more and more for.

And that was a problem, as Sasuke's brother, Weasel, had demonstrated. He was a beacon for trouble and enemies, for good reasons. But dragging people, mostly good people at that, was not something that he was okay with, for all his faults.

Faults that just continued to come back to haunt him, in more then one way.

The water in Tsunade's shower abruptly stopped, Naruto taking no notice.

And just who was shark man and Itachi working for anyways? Who would want him taken out nondescriptly? Any person he could think of who would want him dead, would want him very publicly put to death, again for good reasons.

Shuffling inside the bathroom, again he took no notice.

A sigh escaped his lips, his good mood shifted by his memoirs. Here sits Uzumaki Naruto, the boy who killed a thousand, for the lulz. To be fair, not his OWN lulz, but the principle of the matter, was that a lot of people, a lot of GOOD people, had blood on his hands.

How old did you have to be to drink yourself stupid again? Did that apply to immortals?

The door too the bathroom sliding open, Tsunade stepped out in what was literally a towel, wet, finally snapping Naruto out of his thoughts.

'…_damn…granny got back.'_

Was all his very surprised mind could put together as Tsunade slid the door the bathroom shut. "Uh…hi, now was, umm…your shower?" He managed to speak up.

Tsunade quickly gave him a disapproving look. "If what I think is going through your head is, then you should understand why I'm going to have to kick your ass again." She shook her head laughing.

"What, I'm surprisingly mature." He said, albeit unconvincingly.

"Well, be that as it may, your fifty years to young to be hitting on a woman who is way too much woman for you to handle. Those are the ground rules." She said, turning and heading to her bedroom, effectively ending any thoughts on Naruto's part.

Not that he had had any.

Shaking his head, his attention was finally brought to the now completely open bathroom, which likely had at least half of the hot water on tap. Shrugging at the chance, he threw off his coat and bandages, fully bare to the world. Underneath his normal coat and bandage he was still eye catching, but not as deathly as some might expect. He could've passed as a punky dispositional youth if he set his mind to it.

A simple white, close hugging shirt lay on top of his frame, in its centre a ribbon of red moving down his midsection, before curling into a skull. On either cheek, was the only outwardly uncharacteristically human aspect to him.

Black, thick, but not too thick lines ran vertically down his cheeks, one in the center of each, and another smaller just at the edge of his lips, giving the impression of a skull. Coupled with the dark circles that ran around each eye, which his hairline normally hid, and you had a slightly ghoulish countenance, rippling power.

Naruto gave no mind to his own surprisingly shocking visage, only stopping to inspect his teeth, still sharp as knives and pearly white as ever. "Note to self, buy toothbrush." He inspected. Although his teeth never broke down due to obvious reasons, he still had to ward off the enemy of bad breath.

The water from the shower abruptantly ceased all thoughts, washing away last few days of being dragged around by his hair, and encounters of the murdering kind. He hadn't realized how stressed he was until he finally loosened up, the comparison of himself before and after entering the shower was like night and day.

Gingerly allowing the hot water to fall, Naruto wondered how long he could let the hot water run.

He was answered when the shower was abruptly stopped and was replaced by just cold water.

* * *

Despite seemingly outwardly calm, Tsunade remained contemplating deeply. After years of ninja training she had adapted a way to hide her emotions from prying eyes while mulling over some of the harder aspects of her.

The idea of being the leader of a ninja village, a place she had sworn to never returned to, was one such aspect.

She hadn't really stopped thinking about it, simply pushing into the back of her mind. But now, alone and sober, she couldn't help but return to the pressing issue. The most frank way she could put her opinion, was that no way in hell she would EVER set foot in that village again.

Pain is enough to drive you from almost anywhere. The fact Jiraiya had had the audacity to simply pass this information to her as nonchalant as he did caused a nasty cracking noise to sound from her knuckles. He KNEW what that place meant to her, what she had lost and could never get back.

She growled in irritation, her headache starting to come back anew. "Who the hell does that idiot think he is, telling me I'm the new leader-I'll show him a leader." She smacked her hand into her pillow for good measure.

This resulted in her bed essentially exploding in a shower of feathers, before collapsing. "..son of a…" She sighed, placing her head in her hands. "I don't think I can do that Jiraiya, not for you, or anyone." She sighed.

A knock sounded at her door. Having perfect timing, Naruto was subjected to Tsunade's pent up anger. "What?"

Taking a step away from the door, Naruto was surprised by the force of the question. "I was just wondering if you'd, I don't know, want to head out or something? I'm bored outta my mind here."

Tsunade, hidden behind the door, actually relaxed a little. "I'm…I…sure I guess. Just let me get dressed." Naruto exhaled, expecting a fist to slam through the door or something. Taking a seat in the living area, he waited as patiently as someone with patience like he could.

About twenty minutes later Tsunade stepped out of her room in usual attire, Naruto protested loudly. "The hell takes women so long to get ready?" Tsunade simply responded by sticking out her tongue. "Oh, real mature," Naruto sighed with a roll of his eyes.

Tsunade just laughed "Well, hurry it up, I want to get in some primo gambling."

Naruto sighed exasperatedly. "But I wanna take in the sights!"

A glint in Tsunade's eye made him take a step back. "Tell you what. We'll flip a coin. Heads my thing, tails we go take in the sights."

From seemingly nowhere a coin appeared in her hand, poised to be flipped. "O…kay then." Naruto's eyes narrowed confusedly, not entirely sure what to expect.

The eerie glint in Tsunade's eye flashed the coin spinning in the air, rebounding off the walls and couches at near bullet like force. Apparently her thumbs were just as strong as her fists. With a resounding 'clack' the yen coin spun out off Naruto's forehead and landed on the ground…tails up.

"Dammit." Tsunade growled. "Best two out of three."

"HELL NO!" Naruto shouted, rubbing his forhead painfully.

The streets bustled with people, tourists, and the occasional beggar. All of them were sure to give a wide berth to the tourists who generally left a wave of destruction behind them. Today however, these people who had fairly good reason to fear for there lives were treated to the sight of both calmly walking through the streets in normal attire.

"Okay, so you want to sight see huh? Where to then?" Before she could finish Naruto had pulled from nowhere at least half a dozen pamphlets.

"Well let's see. The village is famous for its tourist's attractions, including its famous castles, agricultural district, and its top end gambling and alcohol." Tsunade suddenly lit up.

"…which is last on my list to check out."

Her face fell. "So which first then? A farm, castles, or could we just skip to the booze and slots?" She again allowed a certain amount of excitement to leak into her voice.

"Castles are the most epic. So we'll go see them first. Oh, but before that, I have the munchies for some dango." She gave him an exasperated look.

"…yeah, I'm hungry too." She relinquished in yet further exasperation.

"Alright!" Taking off in a random direction, the crowds were forced to part yet again for the blonde reaper, his cloak billowing behind him.

It made him easy to follow, the creature behind the yellow slited eyes chuckled. "Kabuto, where in this dirt-pit are the castles located?"

The silver haired jounin level ninja smirked. "Directly west of here, Orochimaru-sama." The snake sannin smirked sinisterly.

"I believe I want to take in the sights." He grimaced, the pain in his arms flaring up. His smile didn't waver.

* * *

"It says here these castles pre-date the first great shinobi war, and have been the sight of more then a dozen fierce shinobi battles, including one between The second Raikage, and first Tsuchikage."

Tsuande shook her head. "I don't trust leaflets. Shinobi history is barely known by Shinobi, much less civilians. Its why we're ninja." Naruto however blathered on.

"It also says that the castle has been leveled twice, and has refurnished last year with the recent excess in economy. Be a shame if that place was for whatever reason or another suddenly leveled in a super ninja battle, huh?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at his very specific choice of words. "…That's a pretty specific example Naruto."

He smirked, swallowing the last of the dango. "I just figured it would be a good way to foreshadow, considering we have quite the bastard of a ninja tailing us right now." Naruto flicked his dango stick to the side of the walkway he and Tsunade were traveling on. Its high walls and open roof allowed tourists to lose themselves in the awesome architecture that by itself was already impressive.

The maze did little to impress the blondes. "So you noticed him to, did you?" Tsunade's voice took an edge of anxiety.

"Yeah, considering all the killer-intent he's been leaking." Looking up at the high wall, the snake sannin watched the two blondes with a combination of distain and smug satisfaction.

"So you two finally clued into me? I was worried I might actually have to come out and speak to you."

In a flash Naruto's scythe materialized in his hand, but leapt back suddenly when a barrage of kunai connected with the ground where he had stood a moment ago. Swinging the blade anxiously, the jinchuuriki leveled his gaze at the silver haired imposter from the exams. "…whoa the hell is this joker?" Naruto deadpanned.

"That is none of your concern," Kabuto impolitely cut back, standing tall.

"Concern my ass." Naruto's knuckles cracked loudly, before he crouched to strike.

In a flash however, Tsunade's hand was raised in front of him, blocking his direct route. "Wait a moment you hothead. While I'm sure you have some evil plan in that insane little head of yours, why haven't you attacked us yet, eh comrade?" She directed the question towards the snake who smirked.

"Straight to the point; that's very unlike you Tsunade. I see this prolonged mission has done wonders to that short temper of yours." The warning he got was the soft crack of her foot against the ground, her ankle tensing just enough to shatter the hard gravel underneath.

"Don't push it hebi-chan," Tsunade cooed, though it had the effect of raising the hairs on the back of Naruto's and Kabuto's necks. Orochimaru didn't have hair on his neck.

"Fine then; straight to business it is. I need my arms back." Indicating to the heavily bandaged arms he now brandished. "The fact is life as a ninja without arms is something I can simply not bear. So give them back to me." Tsunade stared at him for about a minute, before she laughed.

Loud and hard.

"Oh, that's rich. Let me guess, you also want me to make you immortal or something while I'm at it? Oh, or better yet, I can solve that little dilemma with your-," Orochimaru's eye twitched, "-THAT particular problem I have already solved thank you. No thanks to you or that insipient moron of a teammate." This last part was a hiss.

"Right, right, still pissed about that. So, what, in all the world, makes you think I'd help a grade A freak like you." This part was practically spat. In a flash Orochimaru's twitching eye disappeared, replaced by a sinister gleam. "Well, if you must know…it's a little boy by the name of Nawaki."

Something Naruto, and a few other select people had never seen before, Tsunade instantly lost composure. "W-what does he have to do with anything?" The outrage in her voice didn't leak out like normal, no, it was a torrent of rage. "You have no right to say his name!" Wielding back her fist, a sharp connecting with the ground was heard, before the earth infront of her exploded in a wave.

Orochimaru easily dodged however, simply stepping to the side while part of the wall caved in. "Oh, you haven't even heard the rest Tsunade-hime." Orochimaru said in mock hurt. "If you'll just hear me out, I'm sure Nawaki-"

"STFU! "A roundhouse kick that shook the air grazed his hair just slightly, Tsunade's foot coming inches from connection. With an armless backflip Orochimaru was out of her reach again.

"You don't even want to hear my proposition? Its very…" Again he was cut off by the flurry of punches sent in his direction.

"Never, EVER, would I EVER consider help from you! Not in the name of my _brother_!" Naruto was actually taken aback by this show of passion. Tsunade clearly had a deep connection with this Nawaki brother of hers.

Orochimaru however felt the need to continue pressing this button. "That's too bad. I would have thought that you of all people would want him alive again." Her snarl died in her throat.

"W…what?" This time her voice was a shadow of itself, her mind processing what he'd just said.

"You see Tsunade, I have within my collection of techniques one such that _raises the dead._ On its own it's a simple technique that creates simple, hollow husks of the person. HOWEVER, coupled with a forbidden seal I happened upon, I can tether the body to this earth." By time he'd stopped talking the walls were eerily silent.

"Uh, If I could point out a flaw or two with that technique?" To everyone's surprise, Naruto suddenly spoke up. "Your referring to Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei correct?" Orochimaru blanching was answer enough. "Yeah, I thought so. Tsunade, I really don't think you want your brother a walking corpse made of soot and gravel do you? Because that's all that technique does, create a golem with a soul in it." Tsunade's eyes widened considerably.

"…you were going to trap my Nawaki's soul inside a pile of gravel and soot?" Her voice held an edge to it like a razor. "H-how the hell do you know that technique?"

Naruto frowned. "Dude…I'm the Whirlwind Reaper. If there's a technique even remotely related to the afterlife I know it." _'That and a little skeleton that knows a thing or two…'_

"Of all the things you could do, this, THIS IS THE WORST!" Chakra flared.

"Oh come now, I'm sure I've done something worse then this…" He was cut off by the sudden haymaker that decapitated him. Only for the clone to burst into smoke. On the other side of the wall he eyed Tsunade neutrally.

"A pity. I would have brought him back to life, but now, now I think I'll just beat you within an inch of your life, and TAKE the information." With a turn of his heels, he was gone in a flurry.

"Orochimaru!" Tsunade tore off, leaving a wave of destruction behind her. With a smirk, Kabuto flashed away, leaving Naruto alone.

"Snap."

* * *

While it seemed very odd, Tanzaku town was actually surrounded by miles upon miles of fields that due to the nature of the soil, was not harvestable. The wide expanse that stretched beyond the horizon was an ideal place to unleash hell in an all out battle royal. Which was essentially what was about to happen.

In a flash Orochimaru and Kabuto appeared, Kabuto kneeling while Orochimaru snarled. "This is the exact thing I was trying to avoid. At least she's alone." He trailed off, eyeing his subordinate. "Kabuto, do not leave my side unless instructed. You are my arms."

The older teen nodded. "I never intended to, my lord."

"What you intended doesn't matter, as we have my teammate barring down on us." He indicated at the cloud of dust in the distance, which was steadily growing larger. Short seconds past by before it became apparent that the cause of the cloud was none other then Tsunade, whose pace was a blur.

"OROCHIMARU!" she roared, her cloud doubling in size.

"Move." As one the team leapt to the side, narrowly avoiding a punch that caved in the ground like a small earthquake.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" she screamed at the top of her voice. Parrying over the crater and breaking into a near mach speed sprint.

"She's surprisingly fast," Kabuto commented, twirling a kunai absently.

"She has improved, and yet I can tell there is something off about her. Perhaps old age hasn't made her as strong."

A loud roar from Tsunade was heard, before a boulder easily the size of a small hill careened towards they duo's position. Again they dodged, the boulder flattening into the ground, causing large chunks of earth to rise up.

"You're gonna pay you bastard," Tsunade hissed to herself, out of earshot. "You're going to pay for what you've done, and the insult of hurting my already deceased brother." Her hand suddenly blazed into chakra scalpels with a clench of her fists.

"She's coming," Orochimaru hissed, Kabuto tensing.

No words were spoken, only the suddenly explosion forwards before Tsunade ripped into them like a hurricane. A roundhouse kick, ducked by Orochimaru allowed Kabuto to intercept her in the air, only to have his ear explode do to the swipe from her right hand continuing the rotation.

The fact he exploded into a boulder a moment later elicited a growl from her. She was however distracted by the suddenly appearance of Orochimaru's Kusanagi. Ducking the blade attacked to a snake, she cartwheeled away.

A look of shock flashed across her shoulders. Kabuto smirked from behind her, kunai ready to severe her spinal column in just the right spot. They needed her alive after all. Tsunade didn't take kindly to this, instead continuing her backflip a second time, levering over the silver-haired boy's shoulders.

With a grunt, Kabuto found both of his arms now completely unable to move, the muscle ligaments severed from the inside. Tsunade, even in the air as she passed over him, winked, the entire interchange happening to him in slow motion. Tsunade landed on the ground, smirking while Kabuto nursed, or tried to nurse, his now completely unusable arms.

"I'm surprised. You're not as strong as I would have thought, given your skill set." Her comment died in her throat however, when a soft cracking issued from her feet. Jumping back, she narrowly avoided being impaled on Orochimaru's blade, hidden underground courtesy of a particularly long snake.

The animal slithered down his throat, though the blade remained resting on the tip of his lips. Kabuto didn't lose the slightest composure, simply stepping back a little. "I need a few more seconds, if you would please Orochimaru-sama."

Orochimaru scoffed, "You have to be the second most useless henchman ever Kabuto." Kabuto didn't respond, though a small frown did cross his features.

"No matter; It would seem that this won't take as long as I thought it would." Orochimaru shot forwards suddenly, his sword swinging in an arch with his head.

"Shit!" In a flash Tsunade produced a kunai knife, trying to block and dodge simultaneously. She succeeded in ducking, her kunai's blade split in half.

"Honestly, did you really think that a small hunk of steel could handle the blade of winds?" Though slightly muffled through his teeth, Tsunade still bristled at the barb. Rather then respond however, she proceeded to dodge his swings and multiple stabs, before abruptly having to stop; due to the large boulder now behind her.

"Shit!" She had a moment to duck before the blade slide easily through the boulders dense rock.

Orochimaru smirked. "Last chance to give up."

She actually stopped, before she growled. "HELL NO!"

Swinging her leg, she attempted to trip the fellow sannin. Only for him to jump over, swing around the hilt of the sword, and kick off the boulder, rolling away by several meters.

Tsunade crouched to leap at him, but a fizzing noise suddenly caught her attention. Looking up, to the exact spot Orochimaru's foot had connected with the wall, was an explosive note. "Shit," was what she managed to curse before the bombe went off, casting debris and smoke everywhere.

Orochimaru stood up next to his subordinate, who rolled his shoulders absently, wincing as the newly grown tendons protested in pain. "Don't you think you're using a little deadlier force then one should normally, considering we're trying to capture her?" The piercing yellow gaze set upon him didn't deter him as much as it usually did, though Orochimaru remained silent.

The smoke slowly cleared, the boulder now having a sizable, and rather scorched dent in it. "She's still alive. That's why I am using such force," Orochimaru indicated to the second hole at the base of the boulder, messily dug in haste. A creaking noise was heard, before the boulder was suddenly hefted up, on Tsunade's shoulders no less.

"GRAAAAAH!" With a titanic shout, the boulder flew towards Orochimaru and Kabuto, its several tons of weight set to crush them. Kabuto leapt to the side as quickly as he could, but to his surprise, Orochimaru remained standing in the same spot.

"What is he doing?" Kabuto shouted in alarm.

In a flash, Orochi's mouth snapped open, and his tongue, grasping the blade flew out, piercing the boulder in the centre. With little to no effort the stone was rendered in two, shattering into pieces. "Foolish Tsunade." He smirked to himself. He was shocked however, as the twin halves parted and broke apart, that someone was waiting behind it.

"SUCK IT!" Tsunade flew at him between the halves, his blade extended out of reach, with no time to dodge. In his prime he would have been able to, but weakened as he was…

"NO!"

In what was a split second, Kabuto slammed the airborne sannin, and was rewarded for his heroism with a swift, Tsunade powered punch to the jaw. To say that Kabuto was hurting was an understatement, having his jaw literally turned into powder. The split second strike send him flying, rolling on the ground without signs of stopping. Tsunade landed in a crouch smirking.

"So, how are you going to fight without a subordinate?" She oozed confidence now.

To her surprise however, Orochimaru smirked. "The same way you're going to fight without your left lung."

She frowned, before blood bubbled up and out her mouth, splattering the ground. "W-what?" She intoned to herself, frozen and starring as the life giving liquid in the dirt.

Then it struck her. When Kabuto had tackled her in the air…

She slowly swiveled her eyes towards the body, which remained on the ground. Then a cracking was heard, before the real Kabuto emerged from underground. "Pumping the blood artificially with chakra is a well known technique for medic ninja. Couple it with a few simple seals and some ventriloquism, you get a walking, talking clone. I am so glad I brought this thing." Kabuto smirked, crawling out of the hole.

"Of course you had to break it." Kabuto smirked, standing over her now, brandishing a kunai. "Seems you have hemophobia still, I suppose time doesn't heal all wounds. Would you like the honors, Orochimaru-sama?" He asked his master, who came within easy reaching distance.

"Oh, I think I can't really Kabuto. To answer your other question, time doesn't heal all wounds. Not if you're a fool who lives in the past." They smirked viciously at Tsunade, who quivered, unable to move as she relived that horrible moment years ago…

"I'll give YOU a wound that time can't heal!"

Both Kabuto and Orochimaru's heads snapped up, before they, as one, jumped high and far away, narrowly being cleaved in two by a massive scythe. "Shit, I forgot about him." Kabuto cursed, landing in a crouch while Orochimaru winced in pain. Naruto swung the blade around, before resting it in a neutral stance.

"Before I chop you two into pieces…" He kneeled down in front of Tsunade, who was still shaking, eyes wild. "You're afraid of blood right?" She weakly nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that, as this is about to get really bloody. I'll buy you dinner to make up for this." He stood up, before gently undoing the three buttons that held his cloak on.

Tsunade jumped slightly when the surprisingly soft leather rested on her shoulders. "Keep that, It's too swishy for fights like this, and you look cold." She continued to look at him surprised. "What? I can't be a gentleman?" You could tell he was smirking underneath his bandages.

"Who do you think you are? Your fighting the legendary Orochimaru, show some respect you nobody!" Kabuto shouted out, slightly offended and worried at the boy's cocky attitude.

"Kabuto, I don't need this one alive, but he is persistently able to remain in this world. Last time, I was holding back, but this time, I will rend him from the realm of the living." Naruto smirked, standing up.

"Big talk snake breath." With a twitch of his fingers a crescent sickle materialized in his palm, the chain snaking up into his wrist, under his bandages. "Especially for a guy who's about to die a horrible, agonizing, Naruto-related death." He indicated to himself with his thumb.

Orochimaru smirked, though it was a bluff in truth. "If there's a way to kill you, gaki, I will find it."

With a kick from his foot, the scythe spun around Naruto's arm, traveling its length with several rotations, before twisting in his palm. Continuing the rotation, he spun it around his neck, around his shoulder, waist and chest, before as it spun out in mid air, caught it and shot forwards.

"**YUUEN KATO YOKOANA!"** (GRAND CUTTING TUNNEL!)In a flash Naruto disappeared, before a howling vortex of wind blades exploded towards the other shinobi. The ground was heavily scarred in the face of the blade typhoon, but Orochimaru had scant moments to avoid a horrible death.

His body was ripped to violent shreds, Naruto materializing a few feet behind them, breathing heavily. "Take…that…you bastards." He breathed, wiping his brow. Before he realized that he had slashed up several rocks, not human bodies. "Well…I feel sheepish." He joked to himself. "Now where are those two jerks?" He looked around, but for the life of him couldn't find either of the two.

And then he felt the ground rumbling. "Moving, NOW!" It was his innate speed and reflexes that saved him from being swallowed whole by what can only be described as an anaconda on Megaroids and Red Bull; mostly Red Bull.

"Jeez; you and snakes, it's becoming a little predictable in my opinion!" Naruto rubbed the tip of his nose, looking as exasperated as possible. He was mildly successful, Orochimaru's eye twitching.

"I…Like…Snakes…" He ground out, to his irritation realizing that his painkillers were starting to wear down. He soon regained composure however.

"Last time I was going easy on you. This time however, you WON'T get away." The serpent flicked his tongue, its piercing gaze barring down on Naruto, who managed to remain fairly impassive.

"I find that hard to believe, considering your record thus far. For a supposedly invincible ninja, you certainly have a way with getting your ass kicked." Orochimaru snarled.

"Turn him into shit!"

The snake reared back, letting loose a fantastic roar, before snapping forwards. Jumping over its head narrowly, Naruto was suddenly met with a barrage of kicks from Orochi and Kabuto, blocking the deadlier strikes before being sent skidding to the side by a successful smack to the head.

"That was EXTREMELY satisfying," Kabuto chuckled.

"Oh, you liked that beetle-boy?" Naruto's voice spoke up suddenly, the snake whirling around too meet the voice. "Then try this!" Naruto's hand flew into a single seal with one hand, before swinging his scythe in a single elliptical slash.

" **Fantomou Karite!" **("Phantom Reaper!") The wind chakra along the slash sped outwards in a single, large and very fast moving edge of air.

The snakes hide was thick, just thick enough to repel the swipe. It did however shriek in pain as a large gash slashed itself into its thick scales. The force of the wind forced its head to buck back, its summoner and co. applying a much larger amount of chakra to stay on.

The summon itself just had enough time to shake its had and clear its thoughts, when a triple barrage suddenly cracked into its head. "Have some more! **FANTOMOU KARITE!"** Naruto swung the reaping tool in long arcs, the wind sharpened by its edge and pushed forwards by unholy chakra.

The snake did not appreciate this. Voicing its opinion, Naruto was suddenly met with the horrid realization, that he was just slapped by its tail, which carried the equivalent force to level a small building.

Rolling to a stop after approximately a half a minute, his every bone broken, Naruto absently tried to figure out a tactic while his broken fingernails re-grew. The still very much immortal but starting to wear down Naruto tested out his newly re-grown hand muscles by flexing them. They responded as though they hadn't been reduced to rubble a moment ago.

The crashing sounds followed by the ominous shadow suddenly enveloping him told Naruto his snake of an opponent was back. "If you weren't a stubborn idiot, I'd recommend giving up but-"

"Look, let me stop you right there. I. Do not. CARE! You have been ranting LITERALLY this whole time. You may do that with every other piss poor ninja you smack around, but I'm not a piss poor ninja. I'm Uzumaki Freakin' Naruto, and you will show some respect!" With a twitch of his hand his scythe suddenly dematerialized, much to the surprise of the already infuriated Orochimaru.

"You're a dead man; I don't care how immortal you think you are. I WILL SHOW YOU TRUE IMMORTALITY!"

Orochimaru's serpent reared its head back and roared, its fangs barred towards the heavens (I like to imagine that lighting and thunder is happening, but it isn't. This is sorta anti-climactic if you think about it).

With another twitch of his hands, two sickles appeared in Naruto's hands, but rather then hurl them like kunai, he sighed to himself. "Okay, this is it. Time to see if all that time I spent playing video games was actually a load of crap after all." The sickles bent and twisted into new blades, their very matter changing to accommodate what Naruto needed, his tenant having run over his plan, and approving it with great fervor.

The blade straightened, before snapping into a forty-five degree angle and curving into a scythe like blade. The previously non-existent hilt of the sickles now became a skull on each side of the hilt, a black miasma curling from where it began along the back edge of the blade. Finally the handle twisted into a dark red and silver array, its very end tipped with the triangle and circle of Jashin, where a chain fed from Naruto's wrists.

"This is gonna be epic."

The titanic serpent reared its head forwards, hissing violently. Naruto did not hesitate, breaking into a hard run, and leaping.

With both arms he slammed his blades into the creature's stomach, the pain causing it to violently shriek. With nowhere but up to go, Naruto kicked violently up, snapping the blades into the beast's belly again and again, quickly gaining ground. The serpent narrowed its eyes, before suddenly pitching forwards, attempting to crush him.

In the last second Naruto leapt to the side, the snake flopping on the ground with a titanic crash. Swinging the chains, the two blades violently lodged themselves into the creatures back. With a shriek it reared up, Naruto having intended this, curling its head around its very body and attempting to swallow the now suspended blonde.

As though the blades were a part of his body, at the last second they dethatched, the snake snapping its jaws at air. Hurling the blades around in wide circles, Naruto was greeted with the satisfying sound of the snake howling in pain, the sickles lodging themselves at the base of its cheek-bone. Flailing in agony and panic, Naruto smirked, his chains acting as leverage like a pendulum.

Flying just above the creatures head after one particularly violent shake, he yanked hard on the chain, wrenching them out of its head and landing securely on its cheek He starred into the eye of this giant, malevolent creature, who stared back with what can only be described as pure hatred. Naruto did not hesitate.

With a wild swing, the snake was blind in its one eye.

Anticipating it would rear its head back, Naruto was rewarded for his efforts. Not wasting time, he swung around its other side on chains, both of them snapping into his hands just as his feat touched down, and blinded the snake.

The expected shriek of pain gave Naruto a moment to peak over the edge of its skull, finding neither Orochimaru, nor his lackey anywhere near there. This was disturbing news, if he'd had time to go over it.

The snake took precedence on the matter at hand however. Suddenly swung around, Naruto spun high in the air, suspended for a moment before careening towards the snapping, enraged jaws of Orochimaru's beast. His eyes narrowed in concentration, not stopping or even breathing, his timing must be perfect.

THERE!

Suddenly curling into a ball, one only a blind snake could miss, he managed just barely to slip past its mouth. Throwing his arms forward, hurling the blades into his again exposed stomach, Naruto pulled himself against it, and slid down, its scales slowing his descent. With a scant few feet to go, he leapt off, and ran, the serpent, blind, scarred and now slashed, heaving forwards on its deathbed.

With a mighty crash it fell to the ground, unmoving.

"…punk…" Naruto spat at the ground, though his eyes didn't leave the creature, which remained an injured mass, the ground cracking and splintering under its weight. It was still, Naruto allowing himself a moment to sigh.

That moment almost cost him his life. With no warning the snakes head snapped forwards, its powerful jaws clamping down on Naruto. With honed reflexes the blonde caught its lip as they reached an almost closed, every muscle in his body taut, trying to keep the massive clamp from crushing him.

"Come…on…YOU….BASTARD!" The god's chakra leaked into his system, his eyes become black. "GRRRRRRAGH!" With newfound strength the snakes powerful jaws were forced wide open, Naruto exclaiming "Hell yeah!" in triumph.

The almost lost composure when deep inside the serpent's maw a pair of yellow eyes snapped open, twin beams of death. "Shit."

The blade of Kusanagi skewered his heart, out his chest in a flash of speed Naruto could only compare to the summoned snakes. Impaled, coughing up blood, he had time to look directly into the eyes of the snake sannin. They smirked back. The wound didn't stop there however, Orochimaru pushing off him like a snake himself, his legs twisted into a snake's tail, providing incredible speed.

Suddenly moving at high speed, Naruto could only help but be dragged forwards, the blades hilt pushing painful against his chest, arms splayed out. "KABUTO!" Despite barely being able to keep conscious, Naruto had a moment to have his eyes widened as Kabuto appeared on Orochimaru's back, flashing into seals.

"Here as always. **Hane irixyu-jon no jutsu." **("Feather Illusion technique." (I honestly could not find this moves name on , so I had to come up with something) Instantly white feathers appeared in Naruto's vision.

"D-dammit!" Naruto's vision began to blur, the technique's power overwhelming him in his current, slightly exhausted state. _'You joke of a god! Wake me the hell up dammit!' _He was met with no answer however, the deity oddly silent.

"Go to sleep, little brat." Orochimaru hissed, before Naruto was suddenly laid into the ground, the blade violently retracted from his stomach. With a hiss the swords at his side faded into black smoke, slipping into his sleeve.

Tsunade watched the entire exchange, silently praying that he would be alright. Stretched out before her, prone and forcibly placed unconscious, she couldn't find words to describe how horrified she was. Orochimaru and Kabuto, standing a bit off, smirked, although Orochi's was a slight bit constrained, his painkillers having fully worn off. "Never send a brat to do your work Tsunade." He hissed.

"Now then, Tsunade-sama, if you could do us the honors of joining us?"

Tsunade slowly turned her disbelieving look towards him. "Join…you? You want me to join you? Even after all that?" She had found her voice, standing up as the cloak on her shoulders pooled down into a heap.

"The idea of dying is much more preferable." She crossed her arms, absolutely unafraid. "A shame, but that can be arranged." His sword extended from his lips, before it was curled around his head by his tongue, and thrown at an incredible velocity.

"Hello Dan, Nawaki." The sword stood a mere foot away from her face-

Imbedding itself in a large, white and unfathomably dense object, in the shape vaguely recognizable as a hand.

Tsunade turned her eyes slowly, the limb extended out of Naruto's now ripped shirt, through what could be described as a hole in his stomach. Orochimaru's sword flew back into his maw, though the sannin was so surprised instead of catching it in his mouth, it glanced off his chin. He didn't take notice, transfixed at what he was seeing.

Slowly, the limb that was vaguely humanoid slid back into the stomach of the child, disappearing momentarily with a slight distortion of the flesh. A second ticked by.

Then it sprang.

A white porcelain figure towered from the gut of the child, its body snapping and bending into its true form. With a flourish its arms spread out, red bandana bending over its scalp, thin trail of blood red wrappings flashing in the wind.

"**HERE'S JASHIN!"**

An unholy voice, tinged with evil, spite, hatred and most of all madness creaked through its talon like maw. The creature cackling as it stepped out of Naruto's stomach. Standing tall and lanky in a pair of sowed and ripped jeans, the creature stood a head above Orochimaru, imposing.

"**Damn is it good to stretch! Even if you don't have muscles, stretching is still great. AAAAAAAH!" **Jashin proceeded to move through several light stretches, much to the disbelief of everyone present.

"Uuuuuhh…the hell?" The creature suddenly straightened up, turning surprised in Tsunade's direction.

"**OH MY-Excuse my poor manners! I am Jashin, bringer of death, pain, misery, sorrow, madness, grief and most of all blood. I enjoy massacres, murder, pain, suffering, and long walks on the beach. I am unfortunately under constraint however, as I am honor bound not to go on a murderous rampage."** He indicated towards the unconscious blonde.

"Jashin…?" Orochimaru frowned, that name suddenly ringing a bell. One that he just couldn't quite place…

"**Anywho, I'm already at least slightly acquainted with all of you, and am happy to report that only two of you I have any inkling to murder! Which is a new record for me, if you can imagine!"**

The field remained silent.

"**So, with introductions out of the way, I am glad to say that I am allowed, with certain parts of my contract to my host-," **He indicated to Naruto yet again, **"-breach normally restricted actions. Good-bye."**

In the fraction of a fraction of a second, Jashin had swung his arm, the claws generating violent wind blades. Just barely dodging, Orochimaru managed to avoid the blades a la matrix. Kabuto, having not even half his skill, could only helplessly watch as his substitute was rendered in half, then quarters, then pieces.

Tsunade shook her head, suddenly realizing the creature had nearly killed Orochimaru and Kabuto. "What the hell?" She took a step back, though Jashin stopped her with what can be described as a look, though he technically had no eyes.

"**I said only two people here I had any inclination to murder. You're not on the list, count your blessings. At any rate, keep out of this fight, I cannot account for accidently killing you."**

Tsunade took a step back, before her face twisted in a deep frown. "You're telling me what to do? You don't even know that bastard; he's made my life a living hell today! So don't tell me who I can and can't fight, or I'll crack that smirk right off your face! LITERALLY!" Her knuckles cracked to emphasize her point.

A soft wind blew across the field. **"Okay, fine, jeez, I was just giving you a warning. All you mortals look the same to me."** He slowly marched over towards Naruto's prone form. **"I'm going to need one thing though." **Suddenly his entire arm disappeared into Naruto's stomach, rummaging around. **"Nope…nope…not it…don't even know what that is…is that-YES, there she is!"** Pulling his arm free, Tsunade wondered allowed what this thing inside Naruto's belly really was, and why Naruto's stomach had so much leg room.

Because it didn't look like it had the room enough to hold a scythe that big. The blade was huge, comprised of three blades, one major and two others breaking off below and above it. The three congregated into that circle, triangle symbol she'd seen before, attached to a piece of metal that fed into a curved handle. It ended in a wicked spike.

"**Oh yeah, now it's a party."** The skeleton spun the blade experimentally, before smirking. **"Fight if you can keep up!" **He was gone in a flash, a massive plumb of smoke kicking up behind him.

Orochimaru meanwhile, had been busy; very busy. Approximately four snakes reared there heads' back, a mass of coils as thick as buildings. "This should hold him." Orochimaru said none too confidently. Kabuto, for the first time in Orochimaru's memory, remained silent, not complementing his deviousness.

Jashin disagreed with what Orochimaru said.

However, the snake he was riding on rebuttal was fairly convincing. With speed Jashin had to admit was impressive, its tail had swung around and cracked into him, reversing his direction. Somersaulting in the air; Tsunade had to take a step back when Jashihn flashed into existence just beside her. He was there for an instant, the earth behind him splintering and shattering upwards behind him, his legs bent with energy.

She could have sworn he smirked at her before his existence in front of the distorted earth vanished, a sonic boom behind him.

The same snakes who made the rebuttal unfortunately could not refute Jashin's next point, finding itself suddenly headless. Unable to maintain the supersonic speed, Jashin materialized in the centre of the mass of serpents, the ground underneath him again splintering into pieces and rising up.

"KILL THEM!" Orochimaru spat from the farthest snake. Jashin just smirked as the first snake moved.

Tsunade, realizing she had been standing still the whole time, shook her head and took off after the god, only stopping to glance at the prone form of Naruto. Nodding, she took off.

The first snake to attack was not exactly the smartest of the group. With a resounding smack a bony uppercut sent it reeling upwards, the snake's eyes rolling into the back of its head. It wasn't over however, as sudden pain erupted all over its chin. If it could see below its chin it would have seen several sickles firmly imbedded in its lower jaw, chains linking from them into Jashin's wrist.

The skeleton gave no warning, simply wrenching hard on the chains. Despite several laws of physics in the way of it happening, the snake slammed head first into the hard ground, with enough force its jumbled skull bounced, allowing Jashin to slam it down into the ground a second time. This continued for several seconds.

With one good hard wrench, Jashin brought the very unconscious snake sliding forwards on its belly, jumping over it before landing on said unconscious body. He didn't remain there long however, as another snake trying to make him into food made sure of. Instead, it found its mouth full of its comrade.

A capitalist by nature, Jashin threw his scythe with unnatural skill, it imbedding itself into the roof of the creature's mouth and effectively pinning it closed.

The snake shrieked, though it was muffled. Jashin sensed it before the creature even knew it had. Yet another snake was setting to attack, no longer taken aback by how quickly its fellows had been dispatched. Rearing as tall as a skyscraper, its massive snout opened wide.

Rather then simply do something straight-forwards and effective, Jashin sought the most epic thing he could do in a situation where it was scythe-less. Reaching into itself, Jashin sought the course of action. It found it.

Tsunade, having just reached the mountain of snakes, couldn't help but try to lurch to a stop when Jashin materialized in front of her. Taken aback, she couldn't stop him as he sped past, grabbing her wrist. G-forces and inertia effectively sent her spinning around him, suddenly gaining about ten times her speed. With no warning he let go, both still suspended in the air.

Suddenly sling-shot at close to or over mach-1, Tsunade's keen senses immediately picked up her target. A snake's mouth was not her ideal place to start a fight. But as the saying goes, 'When in Rome.'

Cracking a fist back, her added speed multiplying its potential force, the first connected with its open maw. The resounding sonic boom caused the grass surrounding the field to bend down in a circular pattern. The shock wave was a sound of satisfaction to Tsunade. The now practically dead snake did not have an opinion, as it was unconscious before the sound could reach its ear-holes.

It wasn't over yet though, Tsunade suddenly kicking off its chin and running down its length, expecting another serpent. She was correct, two smaller ones rearing up in front of her.

Tsunade reared back her fist-

And was shocked to find the two underlings were suddenly upper-cutted by another snake. Turning in surprise as time continued at a standstill, it became apparent that Jashin had recovered his scythe, the edge acting like a hook, allowing with strength no one could possibly imagine, to swing the snake still attacked too it around, not unlike a whip. The tail of the snake it seemed; packed a punch.

Yanking his scythe out of his victim, Jashin saluted Tsunade, who just gave a bemused smirk, surprised at how easy it was to work with a monster.

Then at once, the fallen snakes burst into smoke.

The remaining serpents twitched around in confusion, left and right, trying to discern where there enemies were. The smells suggested they were everywhere at once, the smoke clouding both the view and the smells of the area. These thoughts did little to help the poor, helpless animals, as a typhoon of fists, scythes and carnage ripped into them.

The rapidly rising pile of bodies simply added to the thick blanket of death, a symphony of wailing hisses adding too the fear and confusion. Then from the dissipating clouds exploded Tsunade, standing atop Jashin's shoulders. The low to the ground serpents could only attempt to leap at them; suddenly smacked back by Tsunade's wildly swinging fists.

The cloud dissipated slowly, the creature with the bandana and ninja-hime stopping a fair distance away from the writhing mountain of snakes. Tensing to leap back into action, a cold and sharp hand on her shoulder stopped her. Turning, she looked incredulously at Jashin, who simply wagged a finger.

The snakes began to recuperate themselves (Of the few that remained), as Jashin reached into his large maw and ripped a tooth from it, causing Tsunade to wince. It grew back shortly, though moments after Jashin **swallowed the tooth.** Disbelieving this action Tsunade simply watched the god with a look of shock and slight disgust.

Ignoring this, Jashin purposely made a loud gulping noise (Despite not having a throat), and running through a single hand-seal that Tsunade didn't recognize. At this time, their opponents had regained stance and reared back too attack as a unified force.

With a surprising amount of force the arcane god (I'm starting to run out of things to call him by the way) slammed his hands on the ground, rearing its head back as dark miasma began to bubble out of its jaws. Without moving its lips, Jashin spoke.

"**Yami…" ("Darkness…")** The miasma crackled like electricity. The serpents reared forwards, a sea of fangs and mouths and slitted eyes. Tsunade took two steps back, unsure of what was happening.

"**KIBA!" ("FANG!")**

Like a bullet, the fang previously swallowed shot out, bathed in concentrated dark energy, a thin trail of the crackling miasma following it. And in the instant that it connected with the horde of snakes, an anomaly in the fabric of reality opened up.

The vacuum it created dragged the serpents wailing into the centre of the vortex, a dark mesh of electrical energy branching out. Those unlucky enough to be touch the energy disintegrated slowly, shrieking in agony. But as one, the doomed creatures all succumbed to the laws of the universe. With a '_whoosh'_ the vacuum sealed itself, a tiny marble of ultra concentrated matter falling into the centre of a large dirt pit.

Tsunade stared. She stared and she stared and she stared some more. Oh, and she didn't close her mouth, that too. Walking through the sandy like dirt, Jashin picked up the marble, examining it with interest. Still flabbergasted, Tsunade walked over, surveying the centre of the carnage.

"**If you're wondering, my chakra happens to carry an already extreme density. With that in mind, and of course the few liberty's I have over space and time, I can concentrate the mass into something. Say a tooth for instance. With enough mass I can create a minute black hole, and VOILA!" **He spun around indicating too the destruction. **"Insta-snake-away!"**

"…..huh…"

Turning, Jashin disappeared for a moment, reappearing in the exact spot with Naruto shrugged over his shoulders. **"Can't leave without this guy."** He indicated towards the blonde, who didn't move. In Jashin's other arm he carried the trench coat.

The silence was deafening between the two, without adrenaline and fear pumping through her veins, Tsunade was now much more aware she was standing in front of an entity who literally EXISTED to destroy everything and everyone.

Supposedly…

A note drifted in front of Tsunade's face. It read ad follows: "Dear Tsunade. Hope my snakes killed you, if not, will destroy you later. You should've healed my arms. Orochimaru. P.S. Seriously, WTF was that skeleton thing anyways? TTYL."

"**Sooooo~oo….do'ya wanna go dancin'? Cuz' I got total freedom until this guy wakes up, and I reeeeee~eally wanna go dancin'."**

**Originally I was going to have Jashin and Tsunade fight Manda. But then the story sort of wrote itself, and I couldn't argue with it.**

**I. Worked. Hard. So. REVIEW!**


	11. ZOMG! THE PLOT!

**So it's come to my attention that this story has an actual storyline, and isn't non-sequential random violence loosely based around a vague idea I slapped together a while back.**

**Who knew?**

**So lets see if I remember this correctly…**

**(-_-)! READ !(-_-)**

_He is in agony. Deftly crawling in the dirt of the warzone, the rather inept chuunin could not stop the panic attack that is seizing him_

_He can see the edges of his vision darkening as the last of his life fades away; his now useless legs trailing behind him as he drags himself across the hard stone ground. "Ha-have to get…have to get back…safe…please…save me…" The last of his strength begins to fade away, his eyes tearing over as he reaches towards the far side of this hell._

_His trek to the inferno was halted as a hook-like blade pierces through him, holding the body above the ground in a display of violence and power. Though his lungs no longer have the ability to produce speech, the nameless chuunin's face contorts in howls of agony._

_Before the blade completes its slash seconds later, leaving nothing but carnage._

_The bloodbath is complete. The next part was set to begin, the blonde wielding the instrument idly acknowledges._

_A distance of no less than two hundred feet is where it will begin, in the currently occupied trench. Twirling the scythe around his back, it slides away into black nothingness, streaming up his sleeve. _

"_More sacrifices," is all that slips out of the child's death-cold lips, pale as ice blue eyes starring directly into the souls of the few surviving ninja. They could sense the death, the survivor's witnesses too the carnage that the boy had unleashed with frightening efficiency._

_There was nowhere to run, and they knew that. There was nowhere to hide, as he would find them. And there was no way to fight, as he would crush them._

_It was inevitable as their slowly ticking away lives._

_One spooked. A genin, from the looks of it, that was unable to handle the strain. It was expected, those who were stronger could feel the world caving in on them, claustrophobia and sheer terror taking hold._

_It was inevitable the way the boy went. One moment tearing across the battlefield, the next, crumbling to the ground in flash of blood, a chain-sickle in the child's hand suddenly appearing._

_The boy hit the ground. One more body to the pile._

_One more remained; a high-level Jounin. She'd watched him slay her lover in cold blood, and now he was coming for her. The boy walked forwards, a sudden lurch in his step like some sort of horrible puppet. As if the joints didn't quite work right, the sickle began to twirl, becoming an elliptical whirlwind within seconds._

_The boy continued to walk. Rubble that made the mistake of being too tall was split into pieces, the sickles blade continuing on its path, undisturbed. Idly, she watched him, knowing full well that this fight was unwinnable._

_One hundred feet. _

_Fifty feet. _

_Twenty feet. _

_Ten feet. _

_Five feet. _

_Two feet._

_He stood over her, huddled in a small dirt hole, yet she did not cower. This perplexed the creature, the thinnest hint of confusion crossing the blonde's cold features. Cold eyes were suddenly locked with two dark brown eyes, hardened with determination._

"_This is my revenge," was all she said, before a bomb was cast up into the whirling blade above both their heads. It exploded, shrapnel widening out in an explosive radius._

_Neither stood a chance, peppered with dozen's of sharp pieces of metal. Through some miracle or act of torture, the woman had the privilege of having her vital organs missed, though her time on the world was just long enough to allow her to watch her last act._

_The boy was not so lucky. At eye-level, the bomb had exploded, the brunt of the sharp points lodged deep in his brain. Coughing blood, the unnamed shinobi watched as his body slowly curled back, the last remnants of control over it fading…_

_Before it lurched with a jolt, and curled back up and around, its mangled face hanging inches from her own. "You are a good sacrifice. Your hatred feeds him." His ice cold eyes almost glowed as the life faded from hers._

_The sickle suddenly reared back and flashed forwards._

Once frozen blue eyes snapped open abruptly, a feverous sweat dripping down his hairline as he tried to regain some semblance of where he was, and why he was there.

This gave ample opportunity for the deity present to freak him the f_ out.

"**HEY! You were out for a while, so I and your buddy here have been talking about you. There was a lot to tell."** The seemingly grinning bandana skull now suspended a few scant inches above his face did not help him.

**KA-RACK!**

With more force then necessary, Naruto promptly slugged Jashin in the nose. **"GAH! JEEZ; OW!"** Backpedaling, the evil god stumbled on his butt in surprise, giving several curses towards the offender. **"If I had a nose, you mighta broken it!" **The god idly rubbed its face, tentatively examining the offending spot.

"You! Stay out of my space, or I'll throw you so deep inside the seal, you'll forget what color the sky is!"

The creature tilted its head, seemingly forgetting about nursing non-existent wounds. **"Well, if you want to get technical the sky doesn't have a color. The blue you see is actually water molecules caused by-"** He was interrupted by a swift kick, sending him hurtling into a small end-table.

The glare Naruto directed towards Jashin faded as he looked at the only other occupant of the room. His so called 'buddy' had remained silent during the exchange, calmly watching him the same way a scientist observes an experiment. Arms resting on her knees while propping her head, Tsunade of the sannin regarded the blonde with distinct scrutiny.

This did not go unnoticed, as the hairs slowly crept up on the back of his neck. "Ah…Tsunade-obachan! How-uh-long have you been there?" The blonde knew full well that the answer was going to be bad. He had to hold on some sort of hope though.

"The entire time; you are a very strange jinchuuriki, Uzumaki Naruto."

The cogs in his still exhausted mind churning to a stop, the boy regarded her with a look of complete confusion. "Uzu…Uzumaki? What, as in a whirlpool or something?"

Tsunade did not move however, ignoring his confusion, "Yes; your full name is Uzumaki Naruto. You are Konoha born, and following the rampage of that monster…" She indicated towards the only now recuperated Jashin "-you went completely missing. It's doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're the lost host; once you put the pieces together." Tsunade's tone remained passive and neutral, despite the revelations that Naruto was suddenly taking in.

"I…I'm from Konoha? I'm from Konoha. This explains a little bit, but I'm still really confused." He cradled his hands as Jashin sat down on the couch, lanky limbs sprawled out lazily.

"Believe it kid. Although there are still several holes that I need you too fill in, without a doubt you're _that child._" Tsunade's tone became a hiss, taking Naruto aback.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up a little bit here. You said you were talking about me. Talking about what exactly?" The heavy suspicion in his question was warranted, although Jashin ignored it by idly scratching his head.

"**Well, let's see. Nothing too personal, just what you've been up to for the last while, you know, what with the 'me' induced killing spree across the country, the fact that your slowly losing your mind, and let's not forget the serious amnesia your sportin'. You know nothing personal."**

To say that Naruto was livid would be a gross understatement; although any cursory words he in fact did use cannot be reprinted on a T rated story. So, for you, a censored version.

"(Removed)NUGGETS! I should (removed for sensitive viewers) with a corkscrew while (My he has a dirty mouth doesn't he?) while chimichonga's (Well that's hard to imagine) Maypole dancing!"

Both sannin and god starred at the teenager for several long seconds while he continued to hyperventilate, before collapsing into the couch and clutching his head. A long moan of sorrow escaped his lips.

Tsunade broke the silence. "I see that this is a sensitive issue for you. I'm sorry, but it is…good that we know this. It could be a sign that the seal is weakening if you're losing your mind. If we don't get it fixed…" She trailed off as Naruto's head suddenly snapped up.

"And if we do? I'd be thrown in jail for something I only remember in pieces? What ever happened to the insanity plea? Or maybe I'll be turned into a weapon and start the whole cycle all over again." Tsunade looked aback, but in her head she had to admit, he had a point. Jinchuuriki were usually used as weapons.

"Konoha is the most moral ninja village in the world. I doubt you'll be used as something like a mindless weapon, and as for what you've done…if I can forgive him for killing my lover, I can forgive whatever you've done."

To her surprise, Jashin suddenly stood up, tilting his head. **"Whoa, hold up, that's a lie. You haven't forgiven me even slightly; I can feel your heartbeat, even your SOUL wavers at the idea of it. Not that it isn't warranted or anything."**

"Humor me; I can put a lot aside in a tight situation. Just don't go to sleep at night. Murdering Dan on that day will forever give me reason to kill you."

Jashin just scoffed, **"Take a number; you're gonna be waiting a long time."**

"What I've done I am not entirely sure. I remember flashes, little bits and pieces of what's happened. And from what little I know, I've gathered I am way beyond forgiveness." Naruto's extremely hollow declaration suddenly spoke up over the two.

"You probably don't know what it means to have nightmares where you're murdering people; a _lot _of people. When I remember these things, it's like it's not real, but I know it is. That person in my head is me, or what was me. Just a soulless monster, conjured up by _you._" A wave of killer-intent spiked towards the god, who countered by looking in his ear socket for lint.

"**Look, kid, to be honest, I only have half an idea what you're talking about. And if I did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell you. You know how much I love mayhem and death. I've been idle for years now; this is the most active I've been in a long time. Whatever had you wasn't me, or at least, not all of me."** The confusion on Naruto's face kept him silent at this rather shocking piece of news.

"…so then who was controlling me for those years?" Looking back and forth between the two, Tsunade paused, before shaking her head.

"Well…we know that this has something to do with the seal. Like I suggested before, we can get it examined by a specialist maybe." Naruto looked at her suspiciously. "If you're worried about being captured, I know a person that can do it covertly. He owes me a favor."

This got Naruto's attention. "Who owes you a favor?"

She shook her head. "Believe it or not, it's Jiraiya."

The room went dead silent. "Oh you gotta be freaking' KIDDING ME!" The level of exasperation he exuded was only capable of a young teen, in all his anxiety glory.

"Again, believe it kid. Jiraiya is the most powerful known seal user on the planet. If you'd actually told me or him about this earlier, we could have done something." An exasperated moan escaped his lips.

"…this day just gets better and better." Naruto leaned back.

"**Pft, I don't know what your so bummed about. I'm having a great day! I got to cause snake genocide, blew up some stuff, and raised mayhem on the way here! So you did some bad things in your youth, brother, the stuff I did makes what you did look tiny. No worries man!"** The skeleton raised its arm above its head to prove a point.

Before getting punched in the groin.

By Tsunade.

Oh the agony that is the sonic nut punch.

It is said you can still hear the anguished cries of the god drifting down the passages of the hotel, haunting sorrow at the loss of his nonexistent body parts. OR WERE THEY?

"Right, well, before I go around condoning mass murder and the like, there's still a small matter I'd like to clear up." She suddenly looked over at Naruto with such concentration it took him aback.

"How did you disappear on that night?"

"DOCTOR! You have to come quickly! It's Haruno, she's, she's..!" The flabbergasted nurse burst into his office unannounced, causing him to jump.

"W-what's wrong? Come on, take me to her!" Tearing down the hall, the head doctor's heals clicking next too the nurses, the two whirled around a corner.

"A few minute's ago miss Haruno regained consciousness, and has been fazing in and out since! She's showing no sign of stabilizing and…" To out of breath to continue, the Doctor on staff only nodded.

"You did the right thing then. She's up this way, same room as Uchiha Sasuke." Tearing down the hall, the two came to Sasuke's room, before stopping at the sound of a crash.

"W-watch out!" A muffled yell from inside sent a spike of alarm through the two present. "We have to hurry!" The nurse squeaked in earnest, but was ignored in favor of throwing the door open. Taking in his surroundings, the veteran doctor of Konohagakure could only stare for a long moment, before summarizing what he saw.

"WTF."

"We-we've been trying to subdue her with…minimal results sir." The male nurse on duty said, looking as haggard as the other nurse on duty.

"No, seriously, WTF." Dr. Tifa said, clutching the bridge of his nose between two fingers.

The now completely conscious Sakura blinked blearily, absently observing the faculty with disinterest. Opting to remain sitting behind Sasuke, she snuggled into the crook of his neck.

He was her only source of heat, considering she was currently neked (To the guy whose editing this, this is NOT a typo).

"So…could someone explain to me why my patient is naked? Preferably the answer that doesn't involve the entire hospital being sued." The two nurses turned to the only male other then the Dr. Tifa present, who suddenly blanched.

"S-sir, she did this on her own volition! You can imagine my surprise when she suddenly sat straight up, looked at the boy there…" He indicated towards the still very unconscious Sasuke "…and then threw her cloths on the floor and snatched onto him like some sort of grabby…thingy." The doctor's glare studied his face, but found no hint of lying.

Still, he'd have this one under a close eye for a while.

Turning back too the patients, the man of healing takes a long, deep breath. "Well…she's apparently recovered. Although from the looks of things…" He trailed off, something catching his eye.

Despite one of the nurses giving a warning, he still walked within close distance, thankfully being able to ignore the girl's nudity because of the human body in the way (Sasuke). "Ibuki." He said in an emotionless voice.

The nurse stepped forwards. "Y-yes sir?"

Silenced reigned for a minute or so, before the man spoke, "As I recall, it was your instruction to examine the strange tattoo the patient had on her stomach and record results. What was the last thing you logged about it?"

She became flustered briefly, before grabbing a notepad too the side. "A-ah, what was last logged, let's see…umm, the tattoo appears to be growing at a rate of about a centimeter every twenty-four hours. In review of past measurements of its growth-rate, it seems to be slowing down." The nurse looked up, although the doctor remained turned around.

"D-doctor? You're scaring me." The other two nurses had to agree, his actions were slightly creepy.

He chose to respond then. "I am aware of the fact it's been slowing down recently. I am however, lacking in the last measurement of its current _length._ As in, how far the tattoo seems to be extending." The nurse blushed, having left his out.

"A, let me see here; oh! It says that it reached from the…thigh too…um…I'm not sure if this is appropriate."

The doctor's face snapped around "WHERE?"

She shrunk back. "H-her left brea…"

She was interrupted by the doctor himself however. "That is strange; as it is now on her cheek." The three present gave a confused look, before walking forwards and seeing for themselves. There, on her cheek, was the curling pattern of the tattoo, like vines moving upwards.

"This is strange." The head male nurse said, though he was suddenly interrupted by an unexpected fifth party.

"…hey, could you turn on the AC? Is cold in here." All four turned towards the source of the noise, a placid looking Sakura starring back with half-lidded eyes.

"M-miss Haruno!" one of the nurses; the one on the left, spoke up in surprise.

"…now please? I've got goose bumps." She tightened her clutch on the unconscious Sasuke, who remained (seemingly) peacefully sleeping.

The shock that she was speaking fading from the most professional present, the head doctor broke conversation. "Ah, Haruno-san, I'm going to have to ask you to…put some cloths on."

She quirked her head too the side. "But I don't waaaannaaaa." Her voice faded into a childish whine.

"If you put on some cloths, then perhaps you wouldn't be so cold." One of the nurses spoke up; the logic seeming to crack the veil of stupor on her face.

"Yeah…but…clothes suck. If I was wearing cloths, then I couldn't be this close to Sasuke-kun. Then what'd I do?"

The four quirked their eyebrows in confusion, turning to one another too try to explain her answer. "Closer to Sasuke-kun?" One of the nurses asked.

"W-well yeah. In fact, I was thinking of taking his cloths too. Nothing closer then being skin on skin, unless we had no skin. But then he'd die, and I don't want him to die. Then I'd be lonely and naked. I don't mind being just naked. Unless It's cold, so turn up the heat."

A very long pause ensued.

"She's clearly delusional, if I could guess that tattoo has moved up into her brain." The doctor said to the side, veiling his face with his hand. The others present nodded their heads in agreement. "Here's the plan, you two distract her while I move in close too administer a sedative." The three nodded again.

Turning back too the patient, she regarded them with some form of curiosity. "Oooh, you guys telling a secret? I like secrets." She said with a soft smile.

"Uh….Haruno-san? Are you by chance hungry? You've been eating nothing but what's from the IV." He indicated from the bag.

"Ummmmm…a little yeah. Could you just bring me some pudding, set it down by the table there would you?" She said, waving her hand, which the doctor noted had some of the tattoo trailing on it.

"Ah, you see, I rarely eat at the cafeteria, as do my nurses. We wouldn't know what kind of pudding to get you. But if you'd put on a coat and come with us, we could quickly get you your favorite." She frowned.

"It's okay. It's too much of a hassle now; I'll just go hungry for a while."

The doctor frowned, stepping forwards. "Now see here Haruno-san, as your physician…" This is promptly where he made the biggest mistake of his life.

You see, he made the mistake of placing his hand on Sasuke's shoulder, slightly nudging the poor sleeping Uchiha away from her.

The result was a two meter hole in the wall courtesy of her fist, causing the all four to blanche.

"M-Miss Haruno-san!" One nurse squeaked, but was violently silenced by the absolute _wall _of killer-intent seeping from Sakura's vision.

When she spoke, they cowered. "Oi, what the hell kinda hospital is this? Trying to muscle some poor girl around, somewhere that probably doesn't have pudding? What kinda shady operation are you running here?" She stood up, somersaulting over Sasuke who fell back on the bed with nothing too support him.

"W-we were just trying to do our jobs! You're being unruly!"

If anything, her anger increased, the tiles underneath her naked glory starting to crack with the pressure she exerted. "Unruly? UNRULY? Trying to take my Sasuke-kun, and your saying I'm UNRULY?" They started cowering again, this time with greater fervor.

Her knuckle cracking, she threw a punch with enough force to shake the door off its hinges, its power causing the male nurse and doctor to tumble through the opening and slam into the wall.

"Oh, the hurt is ON!" Turning towards the other two nurses, one fainted while the other covered her face.

"If you're going to kill me, at least have the decency to put on some cloths!" Waiting for the pain to come, she was surprised when the girl actually contemplated for a moment.

"…oh fine, if it's such a big deal." Looking around, finding all suitable forms of clothing out of reach, she shrugged before in one motion pulled off the opposing woman's nurse gown.

"Gaaah!" Shrieking, she fainted as Sakura put it over herself, just covering her modesty.

"Eh, good enough; still cold though. I think I'll stop by the thermostat, turn it up a bit." Stepping over the two unconscious nurses, she stepped into the hallway where the Dr. Tifa was just standing up.

"Did I say you could get back up?" He froze, a cold sweat running down his face. Sakura's foot tapped the ground in impatience as he slowly turned around.

"N-no, you didn't." She frowned, pointing her finger at the ground.

Obediently, the man sat down. "You can get up when I get back. Consider yourself lucky, that poor wall took the brunt of my anger." She indicated towards the large hole, where another patient peaked through curiously.

"H-hai." Was all he said, too dazed at the display of raw power.

"Okay. Sasuke-kuuu~un! I'm going to get something too eat. Don't get kidnapped, otherwise we can't have fun when I get back." With that, she trekked down the hall.

Stopping briefly too check the map on the side of the wall, she smirked, finding the cafeteria.

It was only after the door closed behind her did Dr. Tifa allow himself the privilege to faint.

"Disappear on that night? You mean you don't know how I ended up out of Konoha?" Tsunade sent him an exasperated look, though he remained confused too the bitter last.

"Yes, what happened, how did you all but disappear in one night? A baby doesn't just vanish, even on the night that it became the host of an evil demon." She indicated towards the skeleton, who gave her an offended look at being called a demon.

"**Hey, if you're going to lump me in with that crowd, I'm at least the devil or higher."** She turned to him, indicating too her lips in a 'shut it' manner.

"Well, I couldn't tell you. I was a baby right? So it's really unlikely I'd remember anything from that night period."

Tsunade sat back, cupping her face in her hands. "Okay, okay, then…what do you remember exactly. Jashin mentioned someone took care of you for several years in your youth right? Was he your adopted father or something." A hush rose on her lips as a rather chilled look crossed Naruto's face.

"Father? HIM? Lady, if that man was my father, then I would have killed myself a long time ago. Not that I can anyways."

"W-what? That seems a little harsh; doesn't it?"

Naruto shook his head however. "I don't know how you were raised, but being forced to work your ass off from the day you can walk isn't how I imagined growing up as a child." Tsunade frowned deeply, her hand clenching.

"I hope your exaggerating when you say that. Putting children too work is something I have always hated." Shaking his head, Naruto placed his arm on his knee, pulling the shirt back until his bicep was visible. In a perfect line wrapping all the way around was a scar, faintly healed.

"It was a common punishment of his too cut my limbs off when I didn't complete something fast enough or how he liked it. I may be durable, but it still hurts like hell to be five years old and missing limbs." Tsunade gave him a horrified look, but he lamented further.

"I never really knew why that bastard was always pushing me so hard. Just that everyday I'd get up, work myself too death, and go to bed in the dirt. No weekends, no vacations, just that and…religious service." Tsunade's head snapped up.

"What, so he was some kind of cult leader or something?"

Naruto nodded. "More like the only member of a one man cult; well two man cult if you counted me. What was really weird was the fact that the thing he worshipped was well…that guy." Naruto indicated towards Jashin, who currently had several pencils shoved up his nose-hole.

"**What?"**

Ignoring him, Naruto turned back too his co-conversationalist. "That's the story for the most part. I didn't know anything about growing up, all I had was that religious zealot on my ass 24/7, going on and on about how I'm "Not worthy too carry the mighty Jashin" and that I should count my blessings that I could destroy the world in his honor."

"**Sounds like a fun guy. I should hit him up for drinks sometime." **

Naruto sent him a cold glare, seeming to silence the god. "The last time I saw him was during…well…the last time I saw him was during a right of passage kinda ceremony." Taking a sip of sake, Tsunade motioned for the blonde to continue.

"He drew this mark, Jashin's mark, on the ground in blood. Whose blood, I don't know; probably mine. Then he tells me too begin the prayer, which I did after he threatened to behead me. Next thing I know, he stabs me through the chest, and I hit the ground and bam…" The sudden clap of his hands made Tsunade jump. "I was out for a long time."

Silence reigned. "I-I'm surprised your telling me all this. You seemed pretty guarded about your past, I didn't think I could get you too open up so quickly."

Naruto shrugged. "Maybe I just feel like talking. I haven't told anyone anything about myself before."

Taking a long sip of her drink, Tsunade nodded. "It sounds like you've had a lot on your mind for a long time."

Looking up, Naruto nodded, looking much older then the child he actually was. "Someday I'm gonna find that bastard that put me through hell, and kick his ass until the sun stops coming out."

Tsunade paused; drink halfway to being set on the table. "Well, if that's the case, all I'd really need is a name, and I'd be able to find him. Jiraiya and I have an information network that stretches across the country. Unless he's an S-class criminal, then there's no way that he'd slip through it."

Naruto paused, eyes wide. "Y-you'd honestly find that bastard for me? Like I said, it's my second goal in life to find him and make him pay."

Tsunade nodded, but grew confused. "What's your first goal?"

Smiling with his eyes, Naruto answered "Too see the world in its entirety. I have to make up for all the time that I spent destroying it after all. Which brings me back too that jerk."

Tsunade nodded in understanding. "We all have hopes and dreams. Mine went away a long time ago." Her downcast look caught Naruto off guard, but before he had a chance to ask, she interrupted.

"So, I can help you out, but only if you tell me who this zealot is." _'And fill in all the gaps you've left in your story.'_ Sitting up straight, ignoring the god who now had his nose holes, ear holes and rib-cage filled with pencils; Naruto continued.

"Alright, he only ever said it once after drinking himself stupid, but if I remember correctly, his name was…"

"…HIDAN!" The silver haired member of Akatsuki whirled around, looking extremely irritated at being interrupted. The sharkman waved back, Kisame giving him an extremely large and rather ironic smile with his equally oversized teeth.

"The hell you want Sushi?" Although his smile didn't disappear, the distinct popping of a nerve on his head became apparent.

"Hey…that's pretty insensitive; sharks are killed every year to make sushi." At this, the one named Hidan only smirked.

"Tha's right, it's why I said it. If all you came to do is flap your jaws at me, then beat it. I have an important prayer to my lord." He indicated towards a hap-hazardly put together shrine, the focal point of which was a small brass figurine, a skeleton chained and bound within a circle, four distinct poles holding it in place as it seemed too smile in masochism.

"Well, I figured you'd want to know a juicy little piece of information me and Itachi picked up on a mission." Hidan only rolled his eyes, absently scratching the open wound on his arm as he finished the last touches of the seal below his feet.

The familiar triangle within a circle.

"If it doesn't have something to do with Jashin-sama, then it's nothing worth mentioning." He stood up, pulling a long and sharp pole out of his sleeve.

The shark man smirked. "Who says that it doesn't?" With a lurch, the worshiper of Jashin stopped completely, now listening intently. Satisfied his audience was paying its full attention, Kisame smiled wider, before continuing. "You see, me and Itachi were sent to investigate a possible jinchuuriki, or plug a possible hole in the plot; if you know what I mean."

"Go on." Hidan remained listening intently.

"Well, turns out, the target had some interesting similarities too you. The fact he was a talking head was probably the biggest similarity. Know anyone with blonde hair who has your same con-vic-tions?" He emphasized the syllables.

The scythe-weilding criminal ruffled his red-dawn cloak, thinking. "No…I can't say I know someone with blonde hair whose a talking head. But it sounds like someone who has converted too Jashinism too me. Praise Jashin." With no warning, he rammed the spike through his chest, collapsing on the ground in a heap of blood.

Kisame grimaced slightly, wiping the side of his pant leg. "Jeez, what a religion. I liked these pants too." Kisame idly said, watching the unmoving corpse.

That slowly regained consciousness, a serene smile crossing the body's face as it blinked with renewed life. Turning, Kisame made to leave as Hidan basked in Jashin's glory, before stopping.

"Oh, one more thing."

Whirling around with a swing of Samehade, Hidan's head sailed across the room, cracking into the wall with a splurch. "THAT'S for the sushi comment, bastard. Oh, and Leader-sama knows when your lying." Cradling the blade on his shoulder, Kisame slowly trekked out of the room.

Blinking away stars, Hidan looked at his motionless body, the lazy bastard. "God DAMMIT! Kakuzu! It happened again!" From behind a boulder, his partner twitched.

"God damned brat." With a clink, the last of his coins landed in his pocket.

**Originally there was going to be a drunk Anko scene, but I think I'm going to move that too next chapter. What sucks is Kakashi was involved, and only in the last stages of editing did I remember, hello, Kakashi was in a coma as well. Pretty much all of team seven is half-dead right now.**

**So, I hope you people enjoyed this update, which I hope at least answered a few questions. I felt there was a little too much talking going on, so hopefully next chapter will have more violence.**

**Review for the violence. Review.**


	12. Jasbat

**PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS PRETTY MUCH UNEDITED!**

**Okay, let****'****s update this mother-fu#$er!**

**I****'****m trying to remind myself of the clear idea I started with this story, so bear in mind here. It****'****s been a while, far too long in my opinion.**

**God I feel half-assed right now.**

**RE**

****

Jasbat (Jashin-Combat) was a word he invented some eons ago to define moments like this, when you get into one of those classic epic battles that just came together in all the right ways.

The ever present smirk on his twisted face seemed to widen a bit, as his big-toe bone touched lightly on top of the building. With seemingly no effort, he was launched sideways, continuing the extremely high-velocity jump he was currently careening over Tanzaku town on.

Flying through the air in a relaxed pose, the god absently watched the buildings whip by, wondering with a side thought whether he should be keeping an eye on his partner in death.

Turning his equivalent of peripheral vision to the side, he caught the flash of grey and deep red. **"Heh."** He giggled, his leap beginning to descend. The blur became pronounced suddenly, the humanoid shape fazing out of the comet-speed it was previously maintaining to just under half a mach.

Hand wipping out and grabbing the wicked curved shuriken on its back, the assassin of the gods kicked too the side, beelining towards him. _**'**__**Amatuer.**__**'**_ Jashin noted, waiting mere milliseconds. With only the slightest effort, he blew through his teeth, the bluster of wind spinning him in a cartwheel.

Still holding a relaxed pose, the shuriken sailed over Jashin's head, the assasin's flaming red hair flying past him over a building. Continuing the rotations, the evil god suddenly switched too a crouch, landing in a hard skid. Spiraling around horizontally, his momentum slowed to a crawl, before stopping.

Standing up and dusting himself off absently; ignoring the many askewed looks from pedestrians, Jashin snickered at his now lost pursuer, before kicking off of the ground. The sonic boom behind him was music to his ears.

The fist connecting with his immortal face wasn't. His now caught up pursuer was fairly determined, having backpedaled and snuck past him to smack him full force, his velocity almost the same as the gods.

The result was Jashin suddenly being launched several stories over the surprisingly large town, buffeted around on the winds as his teeth slowly regrew themselves.

Absently, a smile crossed the newly regrown face of the lord of evil. **"Heh…**_**awesome."**_ He snickered to himself, before smashing into a water tower.

_/Thirty minutes earlier/_

Absently twiddling his toes and counting the number of birds flying overhead, the only Jinchuuriki in history to house Jashin groaned. "Man it takes her a long time to get ready. I wonder if all women her age take this long." Nodding to himself in thought, Naruto's rhetorical question was unexpectedly answered.

**"Yeah, its just another one of you humans bad habits. Like drinking or reading obscene literature. Thankfully I am above such things y'know." **In the dirt in torn jeans and a red bandana the god known as Jashin scoffed to himself.

"Bad habits. Right." Rolling his eyes as Jashin flipped a page in Icha Icha and took a swig of sake, Naruto's exasperation grew. Over the course of twenty minutes he'd stood outside in the hot sun waiting for Tsunade, the stalls lining the streets of Tanzaku town giving little to no protection from the sun. He was cooking and he knew it.

"I got a question for you." Eyeing the god as he flipped another page, a question that'd been burning in the back of his mind finally brought itself to the forefront of his thoughts.

**"Shoot."**

"Are you really a god of evil? I mean your kind of a numbskull more then anything, and while I don't really believe you; if your not actually the one responsible for...the last few years, then why are you supposed to be an evil monster? You saved two innocent people yesterday, seems kind of uncharacteristic." Looking up from his book with what Naruto assumed were his eyes, the god seemed to comtemplate the question.

**"That's a stupid question." **Blanching, Naruto's scythe suddenly popped into his hand with a flash, his eyes tensing into a scowl. "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

Jashin smirked, his teeth along his jawline raising upwards towards his bandana. **"Everything a person or creature does follows them. Always and forever. You can be forgiven, but there is no whitewash in the universe. No undo button or way to go back on something. So I might be doing on or two nice things. But Naruto..."**

The boy tensed.

**"I've done some bad things, things that even a god can't be forgiven for. "**

"But, that only kind of answers my question-"

"Okay, I'm ready!" The door to the hotel suddenly flying open, Tsunade suddenly found herself in the company of two very sombre halfwits. "D-did I interrupt something?" Blinking in surprise she looked between the two.

Relaxing a little too quickly to be nonchalant, Naruto fell back into his casual lean. "No, nothing. I was just about to tell him to get back in my stomach." Quirking his head too the side, Jashin pushed off the ground into a standing position, at least a head taller then Tsunade, and two above Naruto. **"Hey, I'll go back when I'm good and ready. I'm not your servent, infact if you want to get technical-"**

"I am only affiliated with you because you live in my stomach. I'm not a worshipper of you, so you don't have free-reign over me either." Looking between the two, Tsunade elicited an exasperated sigh. "Okay, comeon you two. We're not going to get to Konoha like this."

"Are you really sure that Jiraiya can help me? From what little I've seen of him he's only as strong as you are, and Hidan...he's kinda...well..."

**"Immortal, like all practisioners of Jashinism are? Here, have a pamphlet."** Noticing a few curious bystanders, Jashin set to work without hesitation, hadning pamphlets from seemingly nowhere.

"Yeah...kinda." Tsunade's smirk threw him off a little. "Jiraiya is by no means a pushover. He's...well, the strongest of the sannin. Orochimaru might think he's strong, and he is; but Jiraiya has strength in spades. He can handle an immortal, I'd bet my life on it."

"Sooo...I take it that's a bad bet then, considering its you whose gambling on him." The flick of her finger knocked him on his ass.

"Brat; you better watch yourself. I'm jittery as is without you putting this on my mind. When I get there I'll be swamped by the council...and probably be forced to take up Hokage. I'm not fond of the idea." Again a sigh escaped her lips.

A frown crossed Naruto's face. "You'd...really go to Konoha and take up a job you hate...just for a stranger like me?" Turning to him, Tsunade smirked. "Well...don't flatter yourself, but yeah. Besides, I suppose I owe you for those few days you spent body hunting." Smirking, Naruto nodded.

"Your damn right. Hey you, the bones guy!" Turning away from the crowd of people who had gathered to learn the secret of immortality, Jashin frowned, his teeth sliding into a downwards curve. **"Whaaat?" **

"We're moving out." Turning with a swish of his cloak, Naruto shouldered his pack, Tsunade following suit with a briefcase. **"Well you heard him folks, I gotta go."**

"B-but you haven't revealed the meaning of the goat in the ritual yet!" One of the crowds people spoke up in protest. **"Look, its not that complicated, everything you need is in the pamphlet. I gotta go, like right now." **With that the god turned on his heel and trotted after two other two travelers.

"So...was I the only one who imagined a talking skeleton giving out the secrets of immortality?" One of the crowd asked, the others nodding.

Back with Naruto and Tsunade, Jashin took too the left of the point Naruto. **"Konoha...its been too long. Perhaps I shall cause some mayhem to stir up a few memories, huh? You know, just incase they've forgotten me."**

Tsunade and Naruto sent him glares.

**"Or, you know, not. Whichever." **Falling into silence the three of them continued through the virtual maze that was the city, merchent stalls and low income housing their primary obstacle. "Come to think of it, just where is the road out of here?" Scanning the rooftops, the blonde entertained the idea of running up to a higher vantage point, but Tsunade broke that thought off quickly.

"Just past that gate over there. I managed to snag a few map pamphlets from that tour we had of the ancestrial castle. Plus, this isn't my first time here." Smirking at the raised eyebrows Naruto was sporting, Tsunade gave herself a pat on the back.

Because they were both looking at each other, neither noticed the way Jashin suddenly stiffened before scanning the rooftops. Suddenly realizing he wasn't behind him, Naruto turned just in time to see Jashin look back down. Turning to the same spot, nothing caught Naruto's attention, but part of him knew not to just brush off anything the god did.

"So, uh, whats so interesting up there? See a bird that's uglier then you are?" The smirk plastering his face from behind the mask slipped when Jashin simply ignored him, seemingly lost in thought.

"Hey, over here. If your going to ignore me I'm going to have to put you back in the seal." The hanging threat seemed to snap the god out of his reveree, his skull turning towards the slightly petulant youth. **"Hmmm? Oh, right; I forgot about you guys for a second."** Turning back he trekked ahead of both ninja, but if one payed attention they could still see him flit a look at the rooftops above.

"Okay, well, glad that's over with. C'mon, we're burning daylight here and-" Suddenly and violently cut off, Naruto only had a moment to register Jashin's large clawed hand sinking into his chest, wrapping around his heart in a cold vice. Shrieking in surprise, Tsunade did the only sensible thing, smashing Jashin with a back-hand smack.

"What the hell!" The surprised sannin caught Naruto just as his knees crumbled, his eyes open but unseeing. "What did you do?" Stepping out from the stall he'd crashed into, Jashin snapped his head back into place. **"Look, I don't have time to explain, just stay with him; I'll be back as soon as I can. Whenever that is."** Without further explanation he performed a somersault onto the rooftops of the village, before running off at jonin speeds.

Leaving a distraught and thoroughly confused Tsunade behind. "I...is he dead?" Naturally a crowd had gathered, the suddeness of what had happened obviously peaking interest.

"I...I don't know." The most experienced medic ninja in the world said, a clenching feeling taking her own chest.

****

He hadn't explained to them why he'd suddenly turned on his host for several reasons. Three to be exact.

1. To explain the sheer depths of what was going on around them would take to long and reveal to much about both himself, and also about other matters mortals not concern themselves with.

2. The time that he would be able to deteer the assailant that had been watching him was short, and precious considering how vulnerable he actually was.

3. Frankly this was HIS fight, and thus special measures had to be taken to keep the brat out of it.

Speaking of his fight, an uneasy yet electric anxiety weld up inside him as he scanned the rooftops. Being away from the chattering mind of the boy, being able to actually feel the slow decay and rebirth of the world around him.

A man three blocks away just passed away in a nap. A woman just tripped and fell in the way of a cart. She would live. Her leg wouldn't.

Despite not having lungs, Jashin took a deep breath in, savoring the smells of life and death.

Which was the opportunity his stalker had been looking for, as the knee smashing into his backbone was any indication. While a god, Jashin could infact feel pain, although pain in a completely different concept then humans.

Still, it hurt like hell, as the force was enough to knock the air he'd 'breathed' in out of his 'lungs'. Rolling onto his back, Jashin had the moment to look up before a massive shuriken, wicked and curved with ornate seals and markings that glowed, imbedded itself into the ground where his neck was.

As the reverberating metal died down, a voice that held no meaning other then death itself spoke, and Jashin...Jashin knew who he was dealing with.

"They weren't kidding when they said that you had weakened considerably. I thought even you had your limits when it came to how low you could sink. But then again, even the gods are wrong...no?" Stepping out from behind the shadow of a water tower, Jashin could just make out the familiar being from behind the Shuriken.

**"Kogeta-hai;** **seems you've been promoted since the last time I saw you." **Unflinching from where he lay, Jashin nudged the blade of the shuriken as it had pinned his neck-bone to the ground. "Yes, twice actually. Normally a lower level spirit would be handling something as weak as you. However, this particular mission was something the boss wanted handled without fail. SPECIAL circumstances and all that."

The creature walked like a man, helmet of cast iron drawn over his entire face with an explosion of firey red hair flailing out the back. Around his forarms twisted chains that ran up the lengths of what was a leather jacket, and underneath that was only shredded skeleton decked with a ratty shirt. Spiked metal leggings ran from his shins to his feat, which had metal cleats underneath them for added affect.

**"Well, your right about that. I am a pretty special guy."** With a wrenching motion, Jashin pulled from, whipping the blade behind him before hurling it in one motion, the blade spinning with frightening precision. Kogeta didn't move however, standing perfectly still.

Before the blade simply stopped its rotations and simply hung infront of him. "You can't seriously be stupid enough to believe that would work, are you? I mean, your crazy, but...well, how the mighty have fallen." Rolling his shoulderblade, Jashin remained ignoring of Kogeta, which seemed to infuriate him.

"Man you piss me off. You know, I took this assignment just to see what kind of face you'd make when I end you. How's that for twisted?"

**"Well, I'd need a face for that to work, wouldn't I? Also, I highly doubt your going to end me, considering your a greenhorn."** If possible, his hair bristled. "Shut up! I don't need some old-skool nobody telling me crap about my skills! I'm twenty-thousand years old! I breath eons and snort out centuries! What the hell do you know about that, you so called 'Saishu-Tekina shikko'?"

**"I say you should respect your elders, you greenhorn punk. I'm too old to recall my age, just that I exist. This moment, this century, it's nothing on me, just. Like. You." **Kogetai snatched the shuriken out of the air, cracking his knuckles. "We'll see about that."

**"No we won't." **Lurching in surprise, Kogeta had but a moment to jump back before the hard cement Jashin had been standing on shattered into splinters. _'Above' _his instincts screamed at him, and they turned true as a fist cracked through the ceiling of the two story apartment. "Shit! Get back here you nobody!" Kicking off the air itself, Kogeta gave chase.

Similtaniously the window of the apartments front blew apart, showering the area with glass. Shrieking pedestrians covered themselves in fear, giving the shadow the chance it needed to escape in a flash. Some would swear the only thing that passed by was a gust of wind. Before the first particle of glass could hit the ground however a secon shadow had darted past the still mortified people, who were no less clued in to goings on.

Kicking from wall to wall and somersaulting over an edge, Jashin breathed for a moment, careful not to give away his postion beside the ally.

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR HIDING?" Narrowly ducking under a shuriken attached to a chain, Jashin gave no mind as it grazzed a water tower, its contents splaying out in huge wave. He had only a moment before a second one almost removed his shins, spinning over it before landing on all fours.

"Gotcha!" At a speed humans would percieve as unlikely the shuriken darted back into Kogeta's hands, before snapping out at the seemingly defenseless god. He was very wrong.

Peddling forwards on only his legs, Jashin's perfect timing managed to sink both of his arms through the hoops of the shuriken. Continuing with this movement he snatched the two chains before wrenching them towards himself, the bewildered Kogeta suddenly pulled off his feat. **"SUCK'IT!" **If Kogeta had lips he would have gasped from them as Jashin's godly knee cracked his spine nearly in two, through his stomach.

"GYAUGH!" The sudden introduction of force causing him to crash into the wall of a second building adjacent the one they fought on, Kogeta lurched in agony as bricks shattered from there places to rain down. "What the f-" Before finishing his sentence, Jashin's massive fish smashed into him, the force rippling through the wall and sending Kogeta flying through the hole he himself had created.

It should be noted an old creed of Jashin's was 'Screw Physics, I'm Jashin.'

Cartwheeling like a ragdoll out into the street, Jashin smirked as he watched his handiwork through the hole he'd just created. It was short lived however, as he suddenly realized the shuriken were still attached to his arms; as well that Kogeta was infact not felled yet.

As if to prove a point, the seemingly lifeless body suddenly whirled around midair, snatching the chains. Having force suddenly exerted on him, Jashin held onto them, giving Kogeta the opportunity he needed. Swinging on the now weighted chains, he swung towards the front of the building.

With a snap the bindings broke, just with a simple thought on Kogeta's part.

With a crack his legs connected witht he front of the building, the force enough to keep him seemingly suspended, legs coiled. A beat.

Kogeta launched off the front wall, against another building which he rebounded off of, and with a shocking amount of force, smashed a fist accross Jashin's face. Lifted off his feat by the force, the god spun.

Not missing a beat, Kogeta smashed into another wall, and kicked off, this time careful about his choice of attack. Hand snapping out, it wrapped round Jashin's boney neck with a tight grip, both of them mid air. Twisting around in a cartwheel that distributed the force along his body, Kogeta let it out with the arm holding Jashin, hurling him so far that he flashed into a speck in the distance.

"Mighta done that a little to hard." Kogeta noted, before launching away before a crowd realized what had happened.

****

Which brought us full circle.

Landing in a crouch infront of the caved in water tower, Kogeta fingered a chain, ready to lash out at the first sign of movement. The minutes ticked by however, and sick of waiting, he ventured a quick shout of "That seriously didn't kill you did it?"

He was met with a disheartening silence.

"Goddammit." Although lacking in features, the assassin's equivelent of a face would have probably been twisted in annoyance.

The cement under his feat cracked.

Before Jashin exploded out from underneath the unsuspecting Kogeta-hai, an uppercut visibly denting the metal plate he wore over his face. Not finished, the god followed up with a backhand that sent Kogeta whirling. Not wasting another moment a chainscythe snapped out, firmly lodging itself into Kogeta's chest.

"GAUGH!" Smirking at the shriek of pain, Jashin pulled the chain, wrenching the now deeply in agony Kogeta towards him. Holding his arm out in a cross bar, the already damaged metal plate arounnd Kogeta's face was added yet another dent, this time leaving the assassin spinning in mid air before smashing into the ground. The chain suddenly coming to life, it wrapped tightly around Kogeta, a last clink sounding his capture.

A soft pause in the violence gave Jashin the moment he needed to simply take a short breath, rolling his shoulder before walking up to his new prey.

**"Well it's been fun Kogeta, but party's crashed so I don't really need you around anymore." **With but a flick of his hand the iconic scythe popped into existance, though Kogeta didn't flinch. "Huh...huh...I...swear I'll...get you for this."

**"That's cute the way you think we're ever going to see each other again. Like a puppy that just can't seem to understand it's looking into a mirror. Or an idiot, who doesn't know he's about to die."**

"You can't kill death!"

**"Psh, you sound like my mother." **Fed up with waiting, Jashin's blade snapped around in an eliptical arc, leaving a long gash in the cement his prey had been laying on a moment ago. **"Wait, somethings not right here."** Scratching his chin, Jashin weighed the facts.

1) Kogeta had been chained up a moment ago.

2) Now he wasn't even there.

3) Jashin had only succeeded in causing about 200 dollars in property damage to the roof of the building.

**"Yeah, definately not right."** Spinning around, the monster hefted the blade on his shoulder, waiting for something to change. But after several minutes of waiting, he shrugged. **"Well I'll be. Bastard ran." **Not wasting anymore time, Jashin seemed to fly off in a single leap, leaving behind a plumb of smoke from his launch point.

Wrenching the sickle that was still firmly lodged in his chest, Kogeta grimaced. Although he did not bleed perse, his form was signifigantly damaged. Thanks to a quick teleport and the fact his opponent wasn't versed in some of the newer evasion techniques of this day and age, he had survived.

Barely.

"Th-this is Kogeta. Target...has not been nutralized. Waiting for extraction. I'm...I'm pretty messed up." At the word 'up' a purple flame appeared from seemingly nowhere, and a tone that seemed to drift through a realm that defied imagination spoke to him.

_**"Kogeta, your failure will have consequences."**_

****

**"Okay, so, before you say anything, I have an explanation-" **Dashing onto the scene, Jashin had hoped that voicing himself might spare him the beatdown that would accompany his actions. He thought wrong, as with a scream Tsunade belted him another one, this time leaving him in a smoking crater.

"YOU HAVE GOT THREE SECONDS TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF, BEFORE I TEAR YOUR ARMS OFF AND FIND UNIQUE WAYS TO HIDE THEM!" Letting the threat hang in the air, Jashin gingerly picked himself out of the hole. **"Yeah, yeah, I gotcha, 'Bad Jashin, no biscuit!' Keep your shirt on, Naruto's fine, just in a little place I like to call 'limbo'." **Pushing the crew of civilian medics, who coincidently had just donned Naruto dead as of 11:42 a.m, aside, Jashin unzipped the body bag they'd stuffed him into.

**"I don't know what your worried about. He looks fine to me; but whatever, I'm not the doctor here, am I?" **Pointhing his hand towards Naruto's chest, it phased through the cavity like a ghost and seemed to fumble with something.

At once, a gasp escaped Naruto's mouth before color flushed his body. Coughing eraticly, he pushed himself out of the bag, eyes clenched shut as he choked new life into himself. **"Ya see? Nothing to worry about. As an explanation for my actions-" **Again he was cut off, this time by the newly revitalized Naruto.

"I. AM GOING. TO KILL YOU." Physicly holding him by his ribcage, Naruto's face had twisted itself into a rictus of hatred, his eyes dilated into slits, the pupils shading into a red against a ghostly grey retna in a sea of black. Coupled with his mouth, which had twisted itself into a snarl that really accented the shark-like teeth he sported, one might have been a little terrified of him that particular moment.

Jashin was not most people.

**"Oh, hey, how ya doing? Have a good nap?"**

"I wasn't joking. If there's a way to kill you I'll find it."

**"So, I take it you did not have a good nap?"**

"...You have three seconds to explain youself." Letting go in such a way that he pushed Jashin, the god stumbled back, before daintily rebalancing himself on the tips of his toes. **"I will, I will, but not here. Not a huge fan of crowds." **He motioned to the large group of people who had gathered to catch a glimpse of the body, who were now murmuring amongst themselves.

"What the hecks up with that skeleton?"

"Wasn't that kid a corpse a moment ago?"

"Wait a minute, my niece was supposed to have married someone who looks kinda like him from the neck down..."

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Naruto sat up, before standing. With a flicker his eyes snapped open, and although they looked normal now, a hint of worry and disgruntled anger remained. "Fine; but once that happens, you explain EVERYTHING, so we don't have to do...that again." He shivered.

**"You have my word as a girl scout." **Leaving several disbelieving looks, Jashin proceeded to walk off with a wide and somewhat comical gait. Starring after the horrible being of destruction, Naruto shook himself. "So, what exactly happened while I was...out?" Tsunade shook her head.

"No idea, he just peddled off for less then an hour, and then suddenly reappeared like nothing had happened. I-it's good to know your not dead or anything. In my entire career I've never seen a state of suspended animation like that." Naruto turned towards her.

"But you have seen people go into a false death?"

"Certain drugs have been known to cause false death, but there are always pointers that one can look for that tell the truth. This time...well, for all intents and purposes, you were dead." Naruto didn't respond, instead turning back to Jashin, who had stopped walking.

**"Hey, if you two are going to drag your heels like that, we're never going to get to Konoha! So move your butts or I'll move them for ya!"** Shaking his head, Naruto conceded hesitantly. "Let's just get out of here before something else horrible happens. This is one of those towns that I don't think I'd want to come back to."

Still shaken from the good forty minutes Naruto had technically been dead, she was just glad that everything was for the most part alright. Though she would never admit it to the brat, considering what little she knew of him, it'd inflate his ego to disproportionate sizes.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll come back here anytime soon either." Grabbing her carrying bag, Tsunade followed behind the boy, who was internally fuming.

_'This is the last straw. Before now, I was okay with not knowing every piece of the puzzle. But now, no more. I'm tired of all these random attacks and not knowing. Well no more you skeleton freak, because now I have you, and your going to explain everything. No more secrets; no more lies, and absolutely no more cliff hanger-_

****

**-S. Yep, I am a bastard, and a massive one at that.**

**What can I say, subsequent activities in my life have made things difficult. I find the writing schtick more and more difficult, simply because I can't seem to provide a consistant writing that I like.**

**It also doesn't help I've made some promises to both myself and the people around me I haven't been able to keep.**

**The fact I have a fanbase at all simply hardens my resolve that I may have been unfair in my indeavors to take over deviant art, while forgetting my place here on fanfiction. Well rest easy, because you, my fanbase, have always been number one. Every day I chastened myself for not delivering to you the highest quality of fanfic that I could muster.**

**This fanfic is not one of them, unfortunately. Jashin has taken a direction I'm not happy with, and there will be subsequent changes to it. Fear not though, the core principle of a bad-ass, scythe wielding yet still comicly lovable Naruto will remain. I just want to make sure that everything else isn't crap.**

**So, since this chapter isn't technically up to the best speed, forcing you to review under the threat of horrible violence would be too cruel. So congratulations, you get a free pass! Reviewing is totally up to you now! Isn't it weird?**

**Oh, also, in case your wondering what's going on with Sakura and Sasuke:**

"I'm sorry to say Madame, but your simply not allowed in this wing of the infirmary." Despite being assailed by a glare that would have liquified the eyeballs of a lesser woman, the nurse remained steadfast under the unceasing eye of Haruno Sakura's mother.

"...why not." Although not in the form of a question, which one had the choice of answering, the nurse obliged, but carefully positioned herself infront of the double doors leading into the wing Mrs. Haruno's daughter was staying in.

"Y-you see, due to recent events, as well as your daughters...unstable condition, I'm afraid that you simply can't see her with the state she's in. Rest assured that once she is no longer in-" The nurse was abruptly cut off from her explanation, as Mrs. Haruno had finally grown fed up.

"That is quite enough. Look here, I am her parent and guardian! As well as her mother! Unless she's being quarantined for some horrible disease or my presence could have some adverse affect on her health, I want to see my daughter! Now I couldn't ring an answer out of this wings doctor, so I'm asking you. Could me visiting her have any negative affects on her health?" The question was strained.

"A-ah, well, I'm not really sure, I mean I'm fairly new here and-"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" 

"AH! Nnnnno! No, the doctor explicably mentioned that there was no major threat to her health if she had visitors; but I must warn you-" Which was of course the moment Mrs. Haruno tuned her out and pushed past her with surprising strength. "There's nothing in this city I can't handle." She muttered, flinging the door open-

"MOMMY!" Before being tackled by a blur of pink. Thrown to the ground in a pile it took several moments of blinking confusedly before Mrs. Haruno realized she was being hugged rather forcibly by her own daughter.

Who was wearing nothing but a hospital gown.

A short one.

"Ohhhh Mommy I missed you THIIIIISS MUCH! I got so bored of waiting, I-I just had to come find you when I heard your voice! Oh, you've got to meet my new BFF Sasuke!" Suddenly being pulled to her feat, Sakura's mother blinked dumbly at the unconcious Sasuke that lay in a heap on the floor, a leash made of bed sheets tighed around his arms.

He'd clearly been dragged there, judging from the odd angle his hair was sporting.

"Buh." Was all Mrs. Haruno managed to mutter.

Which was right about the time the aforementioned doctor walked in. "Alright, now what's all this shouting about-DEAR GOD! I SAW NOTHING! YOU CAN'T SUE ME IF I SAW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"Quickly covering his eyes, the man ducked out of the hallway.

"Duh." Mrs. Haruno managed. "Oh, darn it, Sasuke-kun, stop being so rude to my mom! I'm sorry, he's not normally like this. Hold on, I'll get him a chair and maybe then he'll be a little more talkative!" Chirping happily, Sakura skipped off.

"That's what I was trying to warn you about. For all intents and purposes, your daughters fine. We're keeping everyone away to protect THEIR safety." The nurse sighed exasperatedly. Right before Mrs. Haruno collapsed in a heap on the floor.


End file.
